Author Archives

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I am having a lovey day

I am usually like a woman on a mission, this is what has to be done. I get straight to the point, sometimes too blunt (I have to remember to salt my words). Or take action, doesn’t matter what, but I appear driven to my goal, cannot sit still, have to get a lot done, kind of thing.

Then I have a day like today, (rare thing this is) I let my soft side have a free rein. I get all cuddly and gooie like melted chocolate. I think I need to watch a lovely movie or just go out and be nice to a stranger.

The Lord just reminded me (so have to share), when I get off the train in the morning, in the city, there is a homeless man, that always sits at the steps, these I climb to get onto the street at Flinders Street Station. He has his pen, ruler and sketch pad and draws the outside of houses. He is really good, he puts in the landscaping, I have walked past him may times. A lot of people drop in his hat, loose change, I have given him the odd dollar or two.

But yesterday, I had this feeling to give him a $5 note, I said to him, ‘Hi sir, here (handing him the note) put this in your pocket’ he looked up and said, thank you. What was good about that, a lady came up behind me and saw what I did, so she followed suit, how awesome is that.

It was my father saying what to do, all I did, was willingly follow instruction. Its his money, not mine anyway.

Look out, now I am feeling all warm and fuzzy, I think I need a hug Lord, or some chocolate. LOL

May the love that surrounds me, be shared by those, who I have the pleasant chance to meet. Maybe next time it might be you!

Be blessed have a wonderful weekend, go out and touch someone or give them a hug.

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Nothing is just an accident

I was talking to my lovely hair dresser the other night, she goes to another church. But has been to mine a couple of times, she knows the power we have, as I say, we may be small, but boy we are mighty. The Lord is certainly, fine tuning his army.

I said to her, you know you are never here, just to do my hair. I was talking about my kids, where we are, what is happening in life etc.

And we both agreed, every time, we both get something out of it, how God moves us in different ways and gives us things we need.

How the challenges we are facing now, what has come against us and how God is about to do something, in all of us.

I truly believe that we are about to hit second gear. What I mean is this, when I was younger and I drove a manual car, you were at the traffic lights and in first gear, then once you take off, you put it into second gear, like drag racing (I know the things we do when we don’t have enough sence, always loved rally driving).

Anyway, that is what I mean by putting it into second gear, we have been going along, but are about to kick off,  to the next level, I cannot wait. I know everything I am doing even this blog is part of the master plan.   

Again I say, nothing is by accident.

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Don’t miss the right one for you

I had a friend stay the other night, cooked a beautiful roast for us, more veggies than meat. I told her I am reconditioning myself, explained the Dr Oz comment (veggies with meat on the side).

I had her on my mind, so next thing I txt her, to ask her over. God knows when we need someone and will prompt us.

We were talking about things and one thing went to the top of the tree. We got so excited and encouraged, we could see the pattern in all three.

Three moments were: How their have been examples of people who could have missed, their match. This is what I mean, God has a match for you, someone who is the right person for you to be with (not how the world does it). One of my old friends, whose name is (name withheld) said, how her husband met another (name withheld), just before meeting her and he was thinking seriously about her. But how God worked and put them together.

Then another friend, when he was praying for a wife, his wife’s name is (name withheld). He was with a girl called (name withheld), but knew it wasn’t right. He said to God a test to see who was going to be his wife, let her give me a book, then I will know, she did just that. He wanted blonde hair, big boobs. He got the perfect one, petite and a fire cracker to keep him in line.

Then when I read the book (Inside my heart), how Robin went out with Phillip’s sister the weekend before (double date), she had gone out with a pilot, but he was the wrong one. The right one was in the house of her friend, God moved the wrong one out and the right pilot came downstairs. She knew by the end of the night, he was the one, she was meant to marry.

Dont be in a rush or think you have to hang onto the wrong one (let go), the right one is close at hand. God knows when and where just follow his lead in the dance, that if you listen you can hear it in your heart.

I was about to log out when he remind me of this, I had to put it in.

Again be blessed

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I love the train, sometimes things can be funny

On my way home last night I was jammed in near the window.

A young guy getting home from school was sitting opposite me, he quickly went into a deep sleep. He kept trying to right himself, prompt his head on his hand, but his body kept moving forward. Its was funny, I said to the lady next to him, we will have to call him noddy.

At one stage we had to wake him up, he kept knocking into the lady next to him. He was very sweet and apologetic, the lady at the end said, ‘where are you getting off’. He said, ‘Watergardens’, I told him we would wake him up.

Poor guy, he was nearly laying on his bag, hunched over. He must have been really tired, anyway we kept laughing, thinking he was going to land in our lap. He had head phones on, so he couldn’t hear us and if he did, he was too tired, or polite to say anything.

But I woke him within minutes of his stop, he said thank you. I told him its ok sweetheart, be blessed (goodness must follow us everywhere).

 I have been a little too serious, so I thought I would, lighten things up.

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Good memories, only….

I have been thinking about things and have decided to find good things, that I can remember.

I want to change the atmosphere so here goes nothing.

The man who was called dad, one memory comes to mind and I have realized it was like a Steve Irwin moment. We lived near the mountains where it snowed most winters, but when summer finally hit, out come the march flies and tiger snakes. (March flies, bite and suck blood their horrible things). I remember the day was clear, sun was out, it was warm, but not hot and I remember the breeze had crispness to it.

A man we knew left two properties to my older siblings (he didn’t actually own them, that’s another story), one was just off the road the other over the river. Even in summer that water was freezing, coming off the mountain (I usually fell in, I had no balance walking on rocks, in moving water).

We had a cow we milked, she only liked females, so I had to go too. She would follow me, I remember her as so lovely, big eyes and great temperament, very huggable.

Anyway back on track: We had crossed back over the river and were walking through the paddock, I would have been about 4 or 5 years old. I was told to keep my eyes out for snakes, being so small that was a little hard and the grass was nearly as tall as me.

All of a sudden, I was told to stop and don’t move, (we were taught to do as we were told, this could eventually save your life).

I knew straight away what it was, (if you don’t know tiger snakes, they are nuts, if you cross their path to were they are going, they will chase you) I remember so clearly, the old man (it’s what we called him) saying, ‘I am going to throw it this way, when I do, you run that way’, pointing left. I nodded and then he bent down, picked up the snake and whizzed it around his head, like he was trying to rope something, but instead it was a snake.

I took off as fast as my little legs would carry me, to get to clear ground. That day, I went to mum and said he was like a hero, but why did he do that? She said to me, when you do that the blood is supposed to rush to the snake’s head and confuses it enough, for you to get out-of-the-way.

I do not know if this is true and please do not ever try it, but I found a good memory.

At this point I can’t remember anything else good, but I am determined to find things. I want the bad gone and good to replace it, that will move me forward.

And continuing from last post, I have been praying everyday, I was told to do it faithfully and God will fix it. He will show me how, I do not have to be told twice, when it is something this important.

Be blessed x

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I am in a battle, that I will win, my father said so.

I have touched on parts of my life so far, but the big one is here to be dealt with. Something that has plagued me so far, but not anymore.

I am sharing this because I don’t know you, but if what I have been through helps you, then God wins again. And because of that, I will open my heart for you. No cost is too great for the glory of God.

Set the scene: I lived in a house, where my father abused my mother & at times us kids. He was not the only one who dealt out the abuse. I never felt safe, I always feared for my life. Not a nice way to live at all, I have touched on how a member of my family is a pedophile and I know full well, we all had to survive, one way or another growing up. My older siblings never built you up, they always tore you down or behaved like your enemy. With that I grew up not trusting anyone, I always seconded guessed everyone, because I always knew the people around me, had their own agenda and I would pay the price.

So in life when I was in the world, I have chosen relationships and situations that were familiar and I knew how to handle, but eventually you have to face the one thing that has messed with your head and has been their only from a culmination of events. Events that I could not control at the time, but which, I decided not to continue.

Continuing on: What is that, DEPRESSION, the one word I hate, more than any other.

(I have tried all my life to laugh it off or keep on smiling, so people wouldn’t worry, or question what, because that would have opened up too much for me to handle, when I was younger. I remember once thinking,  I could have put actors to shame. Because I was never allowed to let anyone know, what went on behind closed doors, for the shame of it. So I made sure, I appeared to have no worries or concerns, but the opposite was true. My heart was belted into a pulp as a child, I remember having this cupboard in my mind and that everytime a hurt happened a bottle was filled, with what I felt and I was the only one with the key. The big ones I kept on the floor because I remember thinking if they break, I would too. The emotion was too much for me to handle, especially when I had no one to turn too or protect me.) Until he was their that day.

So I sit here today, a woman who seeks God, with all her heart and I know this is one thing, that the devil, uses this to mess me around. To bring up the past and to try, to mess with my future. But I am grown now and I know right from wrong, I will only have the very best.

And quiet frankly, I have had enough, I am not worthless, I am not left behind and I am sick of being lied too, by my thoughts.

I am me, the way I was made, perfect in his eyes, so shut up devil, get out of my life and mind. I am so so worthy, because he says so, the king of kings (my father), I am beautiful and I am not damaged goods, I am not on the shelf. I will prosper like no other, because I am doing it by his will. I will silence you, you have no power or authority, you have no conscience or guilt and it says you are done. So look out because I will finally be rid of you, I have a sword and shield in my hand, you will fear me, I do not fear you.

I will take on the gates of hell and prevail. My past does not dictate my future, but it has a bonus of giving me, so much strength that hell will tremble. I have a battle on my hands, but guess what, the good guy always wins and I am a WINNER.

Victory is mine and I take it with both hands.

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God is sweet & so funny

Here I am again seeing the funny side to something.

Went to see another doctor today (I found him rude, but I will sort him out), prayed before and asked God to be with me on this journey and give them the keys to right, what is wrong.

Note: I went with my Pastor, she is like a dear mother, friend and everything all rolled into one. She is the most wonderful person, best thing I ever did, was when we had one of our heart to hearts and say, “I give you permission to say what ever you need to, to correct me”  because I know when God is using her, to correct me and its done with so much love. That’s why I love and respect her so much for that, I think that is so important, to be open and not afraid of hurting someone, I get ahead and say go for it (I know it’s for my good, so why delay the message).

Anyway here I am getting off track, she said God’s angels were in the room. I have seen this white flash at times and I too, saw something. I know he sent in the troops and I know because I have said, that’s it, I want this done and fixed, he is sending in the troops on my behalf.

You know something, when you are on this journey and you know with everything you are that you cannot deviate from it. When your family turns away because they don’t agree and you are standing alone, he is so very mindful, because he knows, you have made the conscious choice and he will honour that. And let me get something straight, right here and right now, it is not because of the church I am in (people will use things like for example, you are controlled by the church, sorry but Baah Humbug), it’s because of this powerful love, I have for him, that has grown overtime on my journey to where I am today. He put me where I am, he is in control and the church is in me, I am supposed to be his vessel. People get so off course, they confuse themselves, sometimes. I may not be making sense to you, but this could turn into a long conversation.

Their are times when, I have asked him to just hold me at night, till I fall asleep, sometimes a girl just needs a hug.

When I do this, I feel this warmth surround me, so much comforting and peaceful. He is their and I know this because a friend said to me, I see Jesus hugging you at night in bed (she didn’t know, but I filled her in).

He has surrounded me with another sort of family, one of his choosing. I follow him, but they are the icing on the cake.

In time people will see what I have and they will want it. Time is a very interesting thing, and time will tell, I was shown when I was younger (by him) how my worldly family put me down to believe I wasn’t worth anything and how when I was older this would be turned, that they would be falling over themselves to be known by me.

God has everything in hand, remember he knew my end from the beginning. And you have to admit he does fabulous work.

He is so sweet to me and these doctors have no idea what they have on their hands, this is gonna be funny.

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Thoughts about a book I have just finished

How are you doing today? Good I hope, remember someone is always thinking of you, I know that I am.

I just finished a book called Inside my Heart, by Robin McGraw, now I am not usually one to read this sort of thing. But I am open to any prompting, I was in one of those pop up book stores, saw the book, then kept on walking. All night, I had it on my mind, so back I went $5 is all it was, didn’t know why at the time, but he works in mysterious ways.

What shocked me, reading the first third of the book was like seeing myself. Now over my life I have not made the right choices by any means, but with each mistake, I have definitely learnt the lesson.

Remember, how I go on about the word CHOICE and that, it is very powerful, so does she, but having something to hold onto, when she was young, she was able to feel more confident, about that word. Moving forward on her path, she was destined to have. Growing up, I was made to feel less than any woman should feel. But knowing what I know now, when God decides to bring that right man for me, I will not be letting go of who I am today, but build on what I have accomplished and learned.

I heard a young girl say once that struck me and made huge impact, if you’re not happy single, then how can you be married. What a clever girl, it’s so true. I don’t mean be selfish, but know who you are and stick to it.

When I have been in a relationship in the past (of the world), I became this, THING. To please and do the right thing for them, by letting myself go, I don’t mean physically but spiritually, wholly. I couldn’t see anything of myself, I was not happy anymore, I didn’t laugh. And anyone knowing me, that is highly unusual, for six years I didn’t even get joy out of music. 

Thinking of it now, I became my mother. I became what I was conditioned to do and I know now that is not right. When I am in full flight, I even like myself, so why should I not, be me. I am a funny person, who is honest, loving and with the biggest heart, I will give anything to make someone happy if I can. I will sit there with you through anything, with all the love I have to give.

This book has sealed something in me. Something that just needed a, yep that’s the right thinking pattern. This has been the right thing, at the right time.

Funny how something so out of left field, can be him saying here you go, just read and you will get your answer.

My point in this, is to listen. He answers you, sometimes not directly, but indirectly. How precious is my father, all he had to do, was lead me.

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This may help you…

When something knocks me down either physically or spiritually, I automatically see myself, with my head down, but my spirit starting to standing up.

Then I see myself lifting my head, with bruises, cuts and marks. But then I see myself, in my eyes, a steely look I get, that says knocked down, but not out.

I get so determined to win (for his sake), whatever it takes. I have learned, I have the POWER and no one will take that away.

It says, ‘you will be persecuted like Jesus’, so his wounds will also be ours, to an extent. So if he could stand, then I can, I am related to him. I have the same gene pool, and that I do not doubt.

Be blessed.

 

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Update – Doctors crack me up.

As you are probably well aware of when I posted Doctors crack me up I was feeling a bit down, to say the least.

I have to be honest here because if I don’t, then I am the one who gets hurt the most. And if people are reading this, what I am sharing from my heart, what are they going to think, if I am not.

I had time with my Pastor and I opened up, how I was really at the end of myself, to do with my weight. I was sick of not being able to eat all that God has provided, I can’t have this or that because of allergies and stomach pain. That I am still fat, even though I am eating so little, I was really at the brink on Saturday, I had, had enough. When you get to that point, their is only one way to go, forward.

He lets you get to that point, because you come out fighting, I cried and let it out. Felt so much better, we agreed, prayed and stepped forward into a size 12 AUS.

The devil knows this bugs me and has holds me back, but I am nothing if not a survivor, so I will stand and fight, the outcome is on its way, as it has been done in heaven.

All my life, my health has been the one thing, he has used frequently to hold me back, well not anymore. I don’t care if I have to crawl, little by little, I will not be stopped or silenced. I am my father’s daughter, I have super strength, that he has given me and by god, I will have the victory. I am making the choice to prevail.

I am a walking miracle, the devil has tried 3 times to kill me off. And I am still here, I am extraordinary, he has no power over me.

Guess what, I am not going anywhere, I am here to stay, so praise the Lord, joy comes in the morning and take that you maggot (devil).