Bringing things forward

It always amazes me, when he brings thoughts to your mind & life shows you its time to speak up.

Many thoughts recently have been to do with my son, how he would try and be smart a, or cheeky to get his own way. And because my daughter was so full on, I missed the boat on correction.

I remember many years ago, he made a comment about, once he went back to the country how he expected me to follow, like a submissive sheep.

That comment played on my mind, who does he think he is, for one. How does he see me, what got me was he didn’t see me as a person, but an unworthy thing.

Now this thought brought on a lot of heat, because the word says, “no good man, should be without a woman” remember this line. So talking about all male ruled churches, and the secrets that have caused children, unwed mothers so much pain, even now.

So, when I keep thinking, are there, NO GOOD MEN, or are they hiding behind their skirts. I am not putting all in one basket here, but think about it. They stand on the word, as a convenience, but do not live the word.

And the word is all the world sees, what has got me as a woman and I will roar is this. Men have made the rules, that if we stand up for ourselves, we are emotional, erratic etc etc. Well men, I don’t see you strong enough or chosen to give birth, deal with life and still be a woman with dignity ETC.

I go back to Adam and Eve, she got the blame, WHY, but he stood there as well, he tried the forbidden fruit, as well didn’t he.

I think about the grand architect of my life, yes I refer to him as a he, but I believe he is neither, thinking of the earthly form, he is much more, than we could ever wrap our heads around, so why try.

I see good traits in both men and women, who are a cut above the others and work really well together, to keep each other on track, and you need it. Someone famous said something sensible once, the reporter was asking about a good marriage, he said “I married my conscience” he married someone to keep him in check, but also someone who complimented his good traits.

If I brought those to justice, who have wronged me, I would have to go through the mill, so I choose to leave it to God. Because I know, in the world, instead feeling I have lost, before anything has begun, because I am female and the first thing, as I was told by my accuser, you did it, its your fault.

And this again, has played on my mind, going back to thoughts of my mother, she copped a lot, because she searched for honest love and did not find it and was a victim instead.

I am one that would stand up, but what has got me is, how through time we have been considered weaker, because we are physically or emotionally not equal.

Who says, I am not emotionally equal or even superior, now don’t take this as a big head statement, just putting it forth.

When you give birth, if that don’t give you power, nothing will, with my son I only had gas, with my daughter, I only had one injection for my lower back. Because I knew, once that pain hit, what I had to do, so I embraced it, worked with it and out they came.

I believe we all have traits that are a blessing, we have strengths and weakness’s, but why are we so hell bent on pin pointing our sex. Why is it such a factor, why can we not just be the person we are.

When I worked in the city, I was the fat, old christian at the front desk, who was a laugh, someone to poke fun at and run down. Really, I stood back and let my father do his correction, and time and time again he did.

But only once did the boss really see me, as he went past me, he said “your not as dumb as you make out”, that has stuck in my memory. Why, because for a split second he saw me, not my weight or gender or anything else, he saw me. And yes I played up to it, because I thought to myself, if they want it, then play their game, they think there superior, but not really, just unintelligent on reality.

So, if ‘no good man should be without a good woman’, why does the world think, they have it right.

Instead of what the father sees, just ME.

Acting for a lifetime

When I was little and living in an horrendous environment, my mothers words.

“Just make out, everything is fine, put a smile on your face, and don’t talk about it”, sorry mum but you got it wrong. Yes, I realized years ago, why she had told me that, for she lived it, to cope with what happened to her. But boy, I was going to change the course, I was going to be the one, who stops this familiar sick control, and with my dad I have.

So from age two, I kept making out things were fine, no one ever saw or heard the pain, screaming on the inside.

And this affected my life and the way I mothered my children, it is only now, that I know the truth.

But it does come when its time, when things change, anointing takes place, I remember being water baptized and thinking, nothing happened, I was expecting amazing things and I got nothing.

Someone I worked with said to me, why, weren’t you already done, I told her, when your christened its your parents choice, when your baptized, its YOUR CHOICE.

But I kept in my mind, that day in that paddock, the words he said to me, the day I knew someone cared enough, to stand for me, and that he would look after me. It was that day, I got a dad, lately I have been saying to people, many people can father a child, but few are fathers. Like a doctor, many are qualified by a certificate, but few are real doctors.

Think about it, when my dad came into my life, I knew, his discipline, I had to accept, because it was right, when everything around me was so wrong.

I went through scenarios of life and felt nothing, because, when you acting your not living. Your just doing, going though the motions, but it does not touch you.

I no longer act, it feels to me, I lived a life that was a lie, my only thing chatting to my dad is this, it took 53 years, I need to make some things up and we need to make them happen, NOW. Yes, I know hes listening, I know that he knows, what ever he decides I will willing accept.

But dad, its time, all that has been stolen and you know what I am talking about, it is definitely time.

For I am in the right place, right head space and just right.

How freedom feels

It is amazing, this freedom I feel.

Before as I have said, everything was a task, I had this hold, that I could not step forwards in anyway, because.

I have also said before, give yourself over totally, surrender all of you, every last bit. For it is only when you grant him access, can the anointing take place to break the yoke.

And this is interesting, because, I kept seeing egg yokes and did not know why.

I ask, then wait, I tell him what I want, I ask him as my father to know more than me and what ever he decides, I am at peace with that.

I have held on for dear life, knowing my first testimony, knowing how precious that gift was. And then knowing, I trust him, and that I am ALL IN.

I do sometimes debate with him, and he shows me, I hear him laugh, but he knows my heart, he knows who I am and he freed, ME.

I think of all the people, trying to get knowledge, to know more than others about the word, but I see it dead in them.

You see, to me, his words are not only on paper, I live them. I have been a good steward, I have been careful to make sure, every word hits home, because his living word is my breath and it should be, how I live.

Like the prayer, Our father who art in heaven, OUR FATHER, mine and yours, he is alive, he is living and he is in us.

For without him, this I know, I would not be living. My wealth is the love between him and I, not going off in haste, to be wise in what you do and the gift of seeing things, that others cannot.

My life is transformed and I am still getting rid of things, many avenues to remove things that are no longer withholding me…

Freedom reigns.

Being scared to take a chance

This is something new, let me give you my explaination.

Before, I use to do things, even cook for others and as long as, I did not think it over, I could do it.

But if I did, the uncertainty, anxiety, doubt would flood in, you see I have had brilliant ideas, inventions, abilities and never been able, to take the chance to dive in and know that I could do it.

So, I have sat on the side line and never taken that chance, being afraid of what if, what a waste of opportunity, but I believe, my father knew where I had to be.

What, had to happen, as I use to say, the grand architect has my plans, I just need to go with it and know, that he has got me.

So now, I feel the whole world is my oyster, I just need to adjust to the real me and trust him to lead me in the right direction and I feel a boom coming, just waiting for me.

I love my father so much, no one I have read about or met, has had this experience. And for him putting me in the right place to do so, is awesome.

Everyone who knows me, have said you look different, because the real me, the one the enemy hidden, is finally revealed.

Glory to the Lord on high

How change is a good thing

As you may have read a certain date, the miraculous happened and since then….

I feel like a baby, learning how to do things all over again.

Walk, talk, think, feel, and dealing with just the day to day, it is all new.

So, when it happens, give yourself the time, time to adjust, I don’t know how long it is going to take. But I will not disregard such an experience.

Its funny, what was acceptable before, is no longer and my head is trying to figure it out, it is like a split from a mother at birth, your somehow aware of the event, but the new way to live, has to be learned, with each new day.

Thank you father, now is the season for Bronie, hallelujah

Given knowledge

Years ago, when I worked at a certain place. The guy who sat behind me, he was questioning me about my beliefs, now this would not be a big thing to most people, but when you start to question the love of my father, its on like donkey kong.

I was getting more and more inspired and got up to move to the photocopier, then I looked up as I saw gold coin shaped drops of oil, falling down on me and I felt them.

Closest to what I saw, then..

I just realized was, that it actually was for me, back then, and even before, that wonderful date to remember, it all seemed like, it was for others.

But now I know, now I know it was especially for me, because of the relationship with him and when you truly love someone, you will stand up for them, when the time calls for it. And that day, that was what I did, exactly.

Our father, OUR FATHER, who loves us, who saved a wretch like me, who was lost, he found me. He has been there, ever since that day in the paddock and it was only me, limiting him, by not knowing and refusing to follow a religious system, that was nothing like, what happened to me, that wasted time.

When it happens, so much more than anything else on earth, your world starts to change, it is only when your ready (right time, right season) right maturity, that it happens.

When what happens, the big change, the true surrender, for I was speaking to someone yesterday and said these words, “so many want to control in their lives, because of what may have happened, or out of fear of the unknown, but when you give it up, he gives you the world & more”.

So who is limiting who, I no longer limit him, yesterday, with what I wore, proved that to me and him. I stood up, I stood tall and instead of feeling uncomfortable, I felt at peace and that is worth more to me, than all the money on earth…

Hallelujah and Amen… take that to the bank yeeehaa

Blinded by a want

One word someone said, so I am posting this, if someone reads it, knows that this may be your only chance to finally be freed.

The consuming drive to present yourself a false individual and not be you, to present in a way of speaking towards others (that is not you), to present to the outside world, the fake you. You cannot assume, that what others do, is for you, you use to look beautiful in a flowing dress. But you became an image, of someone else, who is not you.

All your life, a false god, a false way to manipulate, a false want to be right or assume your the only sane one, its all been a lie. For you cannot see how those around you, see you, but it is not the lie that has been formed in your mind.

I put this forth, for your freedom, because the lie the enemy, has lead you to believe, is wrong. You were made in his image, but a false image, became your god.

One thing I know, it is never too late for you, but you must be willing, to let him in and release the true you, before it is too late.

I ask you to finally, tell the enemy to stand down, let the father hand in the eviction papers and release you. Let go, the father has you, but you must trust him and surrender all control…

There is a song, that was for me

Broken Vessels, by Hillsong

I was so uplifted, so inspired, so grateful and touched, by his blessing on my life.

For the very first time I heard him, I went home singing amazing grace and I don’t think I had ever heard it before, so this following what happened was inspiring, if you hear and watch, blessings abound.

Lyrics

All these pieces, broken and scattered
In mercy gathered, mended and whole
Empty-handed but not forsaken
I’ve been set free, I’ve been set free

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me, ooh-oh
I once was lost but now I am found
Was blind but now I see

Oh, I can see You now
Oh, I can see the love in Your eyes
Laying Yourself down
Raising up the broken to life

You take our failure, You take our weakness
You set Your treasure in jars of clay
So take this heart, Lord, I’ll be Your vessel
The world to see, Your life in me

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me, ooh-oh
I once was lost but now I am found
Was blind but now I see

Oh, I can see You now
Oh, I can see the love in Your eyes
Laying Yourself down
Raising up the broken to life

Oh-oh, oh-oh
Oh-oh, oh-oh

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me, ooh-oh
I once was lost but now I am found
Was blind but now I see

Oh, I can see You now
Oh, I can see the love in Your eyes
Laying Yourself down
Raising up the broken to life

Change is possible…

My last post, was a date to remember. And since I have had issues trying to log in, maybe I was hacked, who knows..

Anyway, since then its been like an extreme, remake or release of the true me, or as I was told, the little girl who was hidden.

I have gone into my cloths, and I was wearing things that I will not put back on (two and a half garbage bags gone). It was like I didn’t feel like I deserved to feel nice, because in a lot of ways, I did not. I ask father that finances and abundance is now released, because I need a new mattress & shoes (I have only two that don’t hurt my feet & one I do not want to wear other than around the yard) & I know I deserve it, not because it will take precedence over him.

But something I must shout, loud and clear, change is possible, to those who believe.

I got up, with this knowing feeling that it was a really good day, and when I ask the father for something, I know it will happen and when it does, I must let, all that needs to happen, flow freely.

Many things I had hidden, because I didn’t feel like I was allowed to have it on show, what a lie.

It is like night and day, and the weird thing is, but weird in an excellent way is, I cannot think the old way, I tried yesterday and nothing. The way I would speak, to guard myself is gone, I no longer feel the need to hide behind my weight either, I feel so light, it is truly amazing.

Yesterday I noticed, instead of feeling small and shrunken-ed, I felt myself stretch and stand tall. All this is amazing and so wonderful.

I have kept on about trust, trust the father, trust the process, trust his plan for your life and go with it. For if you have truly surrendered all, then he will give you all he desires for you. And Lord, bring it on…

With everything, coming out the other side, the best was the baptism. What you say, I was standing with a calm ocean in front of me, the girls on either side, we went in little by little, I felt the dip, the water, I heard the air, the whoosh, everything.

Then I came up, I saw the surface dancing like diamonds, then realized, & heard, that through pressure a diamond is formed. The funny thing was when I opened my eyes, three figures were on my sofa, laughing, so happy & free, & this now, is me.

And I am his, DIAMOND

07 March 2022 a day to remember

Oh my golly gosh, I got up feeling something good would happen, I felt the day was different to any other.

It was a day, the girls would be coming over to have, not a prayer meeting, but to gather for a conversation with the father.

You see, I have been asking and asking and asking.

What, you might ask, I wanted to change, I wanted the little girl in me (who was scared and hidden), to finally be loved, safe and free, I wanted my father, to change my perspective, that had become so screwed up.

And he did, what I noticed first was last week, I never saw myself as having any value. You see, dressing nice, a part of me wanted too, but I felt unworthy. I know, after everything, I have experience, yes there is always room for improvement.

Well, I realized, I didn’t want to hide, I wanted to look, how I wished, I could feel and not just, put something on. So, I thought, and realized last week, that the spirit of poverty was being removed, lets just say, for a few days, I was a little lost, because this is new.

But here I sit, then as I have stated before, I realized I had PTSD, now as I also stated you can only fix something, once you realize what it is that is broken, but not me, my dad.

I asked “father, please fix me, I don’t want to act anymore, please, I give you the right” and I knew he would, but I knew for impact, the right sequence or season, had to fall into place.

Well, as we sat and ate, then chatted, I brought up PTSD, gods gorgeous red head said, “he told me to speak to that little girl”. Well as you can guess, I held nothing back, I did not let my mind question, or stop anything that was happening, I just let it be.

I cried and cried, from deep within, the little girl, the child who had no where to run, or find safety came out and when you TRUST the father, he is gracious and wonderful, and I no longer feel like I am acting.

I went to sleep and slept, you see my old self, would never get any peace of mind or spirit and I was restless, waking up in panic or having a nightmare. But I slept, feeling safe and free, with nothing concerning my spirit, in anyway.

You have no idea, the lottery jackpot that I was given yesterday. I am surrounded by love and I deserve it, to love and be loved, I deserve every type of wealth he has, and father, I ask for it all, not because of any other reason, than, I have asked and you will give me the desires of my heart, that is from you.

I shout this from my place, here in front of this computer, HE LOVES ALL OF US, and will answer, our conversation with him, in relationship….

Hallelujah