Now this may not seem like a big thing to anyone else, but it is to me.

Having the Lord as my friend and telling him to make me ready for my husband has been, months of changes, to get this done for me, which I appreciate.

17 yrs ago something happened which has caused me to hide from life in a way, pain from intimacy stopped me in my tracks. I have used my weight, clothing and not paying attention to any details to discourage a male. Even acting like a bogan at times, like an idiot, yes I went that far.

The thought of giving my heart and then not being able to do what comes naturally with my husband really made me quiet sad (but I hid it well), and trust me telling someone and feeling it are very different things.

Well here I sit on the verge of getting relief, finally and I am excited, so as to my dream. Normally, I physically hit, rebuke or just say no, even while I am dreaming to any advances towards me.

So my dream was my breakthrough, a man & woman were looking at an apartment, the woman,  he was with was very strong, loud and dressed very smart and really took care of herself. I was there and could not get her to see sense as to why it wouldn’t work for them if they were to be together in the future, very unliveable plan two stair cases that took up a lot of living area. If your not logical, and the plan doesn’t work then I do not get it.

Anyway, the guy moved to a small room to measure, I went to the room and said to him, do you think that trying to fit in a relationship, is going to work down the line (you cannot force what is not right), yes I know she dresses lovely, but is she right for you, your trying to find things that are not there. I boldly said, I can be improved on, but what sets me apart is, I have a solid bases to build on. He noticed my chest and put out his hand, what got me is I didn’t flinch, I said to him, oh no, if you want me, you know what you have to do, you gotta put a ring on it.

In life any male even trying to hug me, I have flinched, bad habit I know, but when it follows in your dreams for many years it shocks, that change is happening and that its OK, to deserve to be loved and I will be able to give myself without pain.

So today is a very good day, because I am coming out of my shell. I will finally be able to look in the mirror and smile back at myself. I love smart elegant cloths, I started by buying a pink top which I am wearing today and make up omg. I must sound like I have been on another planet, but internally I have.

If anyone has been hiding because of a medical issue, I pray that the Lord grants you freedom from it and that you can live life as your meant to live it…

God bless

Last week when I was at prayer meeting I felt the Lord warn the young who rebuke us as christian parents, the ground will shake them to their core.

I believe this, because he said it, my son and daughter either wake up or fall down.

I love my son, and I have caved to him so he will love me, almost begging his love. Well I have woken up, I will no longer beg anyone to have the love I deserve.

I am so very worthy of all that which has been stolen from me, and as I said to someone, I am not going no where until all that the thief has stolen will be returned.

When I met our sales guy, I work part time at from home.

I believe in the Lord, even my boss said, don’t mess with her, she has connections.

He rebuked what was said, now also on the day the Lord said to me, he has an acid tongue in the work place.

The other day I got told he was really sick, and has something so old fashioned. Hmmm, why, I said, in my head I thought, just you wait.

You cannot mess with the Lord, this is serious and not a toy..

Your in, or your out.

Today someone visited and we discussed Diana and why the world mourned her death, because they felt unknowingly the separation between her and God. For she is now in hell, along with Michael Jackson and many others.

As I told someone the other day, its called eternal life, you either wake up to this fact or your out.

When to see a doctor yesterday, so they are not worried its anything, but will be certain after frozen section and other tests are done after removal.

I cannot wait, pain discomfort and being house bound will end.

Hallelujah, I asked the Lord to get me ready for my husband and here we go…

Now you may think this is a basic idea, but really, what is your right for being here.

My right is to fulfil the fathers plan for my life. Not what I want, but all of him, its seems only logical to me.

Some may say, but I desire … what does it say in the word. It states his will, now I have been having a battle to get my son to respond, why because of accusations against me. But it also says, which he reminded me of yesterday when your are persecuted, you are blessed.

And the old reasoning to shut me down is, you have always tried to be the centre of attention (he is repeating words by someone I know, no fact stands up to this). Sorry but when, I never stand up to any family members, I sit quietly and if I had been, I certainly wouldn’t be where I am.

So, I will take it on, I will become the Lord’s use to be the centre of attention. I will stand at the front for him, so enemy you have lost again, I will use what you try and stop me with and do the opposite.

My son will have to live with it, if he doesn’t like it, that’s just too bad. I love him, but I love the Lord more, and I believe this angst with him has reminded me of this. I let it go yesterday, because my effort needs to be for my father in heaven and in me.

I get it Lord, thank you for adjusting me…

Again today I went to our prayer meeting, I feel a lion inside of me, waiting for its opportunity to roar.

Now more than ever, I will not let my breath be a waste of time. I am here to be written in the pages of history.

This morning when I woke, I had a presence of being on a stage, once this door opens. I gladly will walk through it.

The Lord is with me, who can be against me, for his truth will finally be heard. Today I prayed for my family, for the light to shine on the hidden darkness and that this familiar spirit be removed.

Through this battle I am not alone, for he is with me always….

Today I sent a txt to my son, he has not been responding to me. Why, because the enemy is trying to break the connection. There is a veil over his eyes and his ears, pray with me they be removed and the truth be revealed.

Well, I am holding back nothing, Wednesday I saw the head of the team, yesterday I had an MRI, I asked to see this mass. I came home shocked at what I saw, I knew my symptoms but seeing it, had an effect, but not the one the enemy wanted I am sure.

My affect is, healing rain is falling down, I am not afraid. I will live a very long life, I choose to believe his word, for I am healed.

This is my father making a way for me to be married again, I have been single for 17 years because the pain is like shards of glass. This will be gone and all I can say is Hallelujah. I said to my friend that I feel like a caterpillar, finally coming out of its cocoon, I have hid behind my weight and my unflattering cloths, because I did not want to lead someone into false pretences. But I feel now, that I am allowed to loose the weight, to finally feel pretty and dress in clothing I love, instead of what I don’t. Freedom is coming for me and I receive with both hands.

If you know within yourself that something is not right, keep going back, keep pushing, because a doctors certificates states, they are certified to practice. God is the one in control, he is my chief surgeon, they know somethings, but not Gods miracles.

My children are miracles, I am a miracle and he knew me before I was in my mothers womb, regardless of how I got there. I sit here with peace and a smile on my face, because I trust him with my life.

He has a plan, and this is to show, how his trust will set you free…

I use to not like Donald because I joined in on what the world was saying, but I woke up and saw what and how the Lord is using him.

God’s garbologist is hard at work, I was shown today that peer pressure is not only at school. Bullies grow into adults and learn the sneaker way to reek havoc.

But the wise see them for what they are, so today I prayed, the Lord is using Donald to stand against that Kim, because he wants his people to be free and have a right to be heard.

Donald is the man, he has the balls to say to the world and stand for them to say, no I will not let you intimidate me, for I have the king of kings on my side and he is directing my path.

Finally I see someone like me, peer pressure at school, I confronted and shut it down. All it takes is you to be willing to say, NO WAY. My life is the destiny of Jesus plan and you have no POWER to say otherwise.

YAHOO, get empowered….

Today I was able to get myself to prayer meeting, I came away feeling the mantle placed on my head.

So I came home and interceded and prayed for those in my family, the ground is going to move from underneath them. Change is coming and the rebuild will happen.

I will take nothing less, for I am of Jesus DNA and I am here to be heard.

In this last days, the light of Jesus will shine like a beacon to those who want to be saved. And I am getting ready, to go before him on there behalf. I have gained access to him, for I am his and he is mine.

The lioness will stand up and roar, and I am just that….

Last night I worked it out, for church to be held in my home. So I could be there and receive from the Lord.

The last song, he grabbed hold of my voice and even though I was sitting, I sang and it was so good, I felt him grab my voice to another level.

I was so grateful, to him, because I felt he had his hand on me and happy that I was believing him, not anything else.

In his presence, he and I become ONE….