I have been watching that show on 7 and how the feelings I get of panic, anxiety and to be aware comes one me.

I get a cold sweat and the childhood I grew up in, comes to light.

I don’t want you to feel sad for me, but I am glad of the training for the last days are here and those who are not aware will miss it.

Yes it was sad, watching my so called father, belt my mother and be directed by his mother to go home and sort her out. But it was not called domestic violence it was just marriage.

Being a child of it, you had to go into survival mode, know when to stick your head out and when to either run or hide. When to help mum, after the incident and never to talk about it. Either at school or to anyone outside, you knew that it could make it worse.

And because she didn’t bruise there was no evidence. But her inability to use an arm for a while.

But it gave me an ability to watch or how to react in a dangerous situation, most do not know this. I believe this will serve me well, and has given me such a strength that has stayed with me.

In my home, beside my bed I have a jack handle, that I have always had. You break in, you will leave with a headache, if I have the opportunity. I will not back down from a fight for my life and going after the father is my safety.

It says for those who earnestly seek him, will be saved.

But my mind is on many Christians who are just luke warm and will not be saved. They are more social than hard working, they are missing key factors here.

For those, even me, I am scared to think that I may not be one of them. For the last days are here and we cannot think anything else is going to come with us.

I am not driven by my looks or wealth, its him I choose for now and always. The last few days I have been feeling down and not worthy.

I need to pull myself out of it and give him the glory, for what he did for me, I just do not feel worthy.

But always remember, that he chose me. I am so glad I am where I am, he is strategically building the A team.

In my life, there has been pattern’s that have followed me and it has been a battle to break them.

Why this has come to mind is not only watching the ancestry programs, but also from personal knowledge.

Sometimes we just mention it, or live with it, but I again urge you to break the pattern.

I use to go for the expensive things, or think that I had achieved nothing, unless I had the best or appeared that way. What a lie of the enemy that is, a very wise man said this to me recently and I always go by the thinking of, its not what they say, but what they are saying.

I have seen so many miss the message, by what, not paying attention.

Pattern’s broken bring not only you freedom, but your children and their children, the Lord doesn’t care what you have or have not. He wants YOU, he wants you to show what you really desire, him or money driven material objects.

That’s the key, they are only objects, not really anything worth anything at all, really.

It doesn’t matter if I look my best everyday, if I then ignore him. He doesn’t care, what I am wearing today, if I then don’t spend time with him.

He does not care, if your the most popular or have rich friends, again are you getting the message..

I prayed that my child would give and surrender their life to the Lord.

I had to take another call and I was told that they did again, two church meetings and two pastor visits a week.

My prayer while on the phone, to truly humble themselves and repent, start again with a humble heart and stand strong.

I am leaving it to the father, I have lived through repeats before, this time is the last time. I feel it and I have warned, so its up to him.

For I do not fear or dread and I am not anxious, for my father knew me before I was in my mothers womb and also my child.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

As I hit publish a light came on next to me, like a blast of sunset, bright as anything and clear.

OMG, listen to the warning and heed the msg….

Last night I told everyone what happened, one thought it was Jesus next to me, the light was so white an so bright.

I feel so humbled and so excited, but so very warned, all in one.

Today has been an impossible day to concentrate on anything, but him.

About 3 or 4 years ago, I kept saying to those around me, we are running out of time. The last days are coming, now is the time to buckle down, not run.

Today, he reminded me of this and said, the time is here, we are in the end days…

Then about 1 and half years ago, I said to someone, the winds are going to blow all the rubbish away and the world are going to take notice, for we will no longer be considered the foolish.

He said today, tell the people, now I had to confirm how he wanted it done, but his way is the way he wants.

For the time is now, get into his presence, put everything in you can, be like a dooms day prepper and use your time wisely..

I have done what was asked of me and I have to listen too, this is for me as much as its for you.

I am sharing this encase someone is reading this and needs to draw on the strength in me.

Yesterday I received some news that would rock anyone else. Or cause great distress, but I remembered to remove emotion because the enemy would love to see me cave, but I am of strong stock my DNA is fixed.

I clenched my fists and and screamed at the enemy, I will not be moved and I am not going anywhere.

Yes, I let a small tear out, but refused to fall, having a child that chooses to take the wrong road has been heart wrenching as a mum. I had to take a call that was set at 4 mins, so I said, the enemy is trying to take you out, he is trying to destroy your life, you are extremely selfish having 3 daughters you don’t seem to care, that what you choose to do, will have an effect on there lives. Your decisions can affect there future, so either wake up or do you know what happens when you burn in hell for eternity and what its like.

I had nothing to loose but everything to win, why do I say that, because as I see it, if their life ends, I want to see them in heaven. But I need to be strong in the fact, that I cannot waste any time encase I miss the opportunity to do so.

But I know who I am, I know who my father is and regardless of what happens ,I know in him I have strength.

Last time in my home I was praying and weeping and they saw me, I said, do you want to give your heart to the Lord, thankfully that part was achieved, which the Lord reminded me of when I lay in bed.

Last night church was from my home, I requested his presence to be felt. So last night as I worshipped and opened my heart to him, I felt him stand before me and say, With you I am well pleased.

Really, what a gift to be given in my time of need.

We can do all we can as a parent, but then we have to do what I believe that father would do, wait until they are broken and call to him. Then he can build more than we ever could.

I have said it before, I trust him with my life and theirs….