Get excited, and take another step

I love the Lord with all I am, why, he broke the hold over me.

We are told we have to surrender our lives to him, which I did, but there is another level.

I had a wall, I would get to a point and this dark over shadowing wall was impenetrable, until Monday.

This came to the surface, I knew I had something that seemed so impossible, but didn’t know how to get rid of it.

I had to willingly, TRUST.

The Lord looked at me with those beautiful eyes and such concern, I looked at him and said, “Just do it” with him beside me, I know I can do anything.

I made noises that I cannot repeat, I felt this thing loosen, tentacle by tentacle. It was dark, hungry and mean.

I was shaken from from toes through my calves, and it was taken out. I trusted those around me, God’s gorgeous red head and I knew I needed to show evidence of his power of LOVE.

Before, I was so scared of meeting my husband and screwing him up and our marriage etc.

Now, I wear a ring, when I put it on, I felt I was honouring my husband to come and showing that, I feel like I love him already. (Remember I had been married before had children to someone else and never loved anyone, I had a barrier of protection).

I am now free, trust the right time will come for you. Trust in the process, trust that you are worth it all.

God bless.

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What a blessing today is…

Why, you ask.

Oh, I love the Lord, because when I visited my cousin, I said, “If I had of known then, I feel like telling the younger me it will be OK”.

I ordered Mercy Me CD, Welcome to the New, now this wouldn’t seem like anything big, but when you listen to Dear Younger Me. I cried, I needed that so badly, I have felt like the younger me needed to be told, its not your fault, what was done to you.

You WILL come to a place that shows the world. Its not wishful thinking, its just how it is, which is a part of another song and its so true, I feel a gift has been given, restoration IS taking place in my life and I am so humbled, so grateful and so touched by the father.

I believe the more I give him the glory, he will give back.

That it the key, that’s what you have to do, I know his word is in black and white but sometimes you have to have a light bulb moment and I just had one.

I sit here like I have just won the lotto, OMG father thank you so much. I love you so much thank you for caring and making me know I am worthy of your LOVE.

Waterworks out of control, see what he can do for you. Just let him, that’s all you have to do, let go, trust him…please, he loves you so much.

How he saved my life and my daughters life

Last night was very hot so I layed their thinking of the moments that he has moved my heart. Refection sometimes moves you forward when the timing is right.

I have spoken about the first time the Lord spoke to me. The next was when I was 23 years old, in my family history a high percentage of women have had cervical cancer. Remember this is before I gave myself fully to the Lord.

I went for my two yearly pap smear (sorry but to any men reading this, there is a point) I also said to the doctor, I am 5 weeks pregnant and its going to be a girl (one thing I know is my body) he shook his head at first and said no way can you tell that. I said see that certificate on the wall its says, you are certified to PRACTICE.

And it turned out I was, a week or so later, my normal doctor rings me at home. You need to come in, I need to speak to you, with my son it was a difficult pregnancy, then he stopped breathing for 7 and a half minutes when born (I told everyone that’s why he is brilliant). Then I miscarried the next boy at 3 and a half months, the father of my children was selfish, lets say I did not choose well. So my doctor knowing the situation was very caring towards me in a respectful manner.

Finally I got into see him, he sat there took a breath and said, we don’t know how fast this will spread. We are concerned about the pregnancy, a baby is no good without a mum. (Knowing my mother had it, sisters also this was not a surprise.) I sat there and this peace, washed over me, I look him straight in the eye and said, ‘it will be fine’. He thought I had lost my mind, but I knew I would be ok. Pregnancy would go ahead and they would deal with it when she was born.

After the appointment, I was quickly sent for a biopsy to check it, while still carrying my daughter. Pregnancy progressed they checked on me all the time, I went about my days with the peace he gave me. At 16 weeks I started to get sick, but turned out I had to have my gallbladder out when I was at 20 weeks pregnant. I had lost 2 stone and they were scared they were going to lose either one of us. My doctor came to check on me the day before surgery and said, we will do our best, all of a sudden I said to him, your going to go home and think about what you can give me to keep holding onto this baby. Don’t second guess it, will be simple but will work, he rubbed my hand and said, OK, the next day I got to the corridor and the nurse stopped my bed, she said, to the orderlies, Dr had ordered this needle and she is to have it now before she goes into theatre. 

From the 15 Dec I started getting down to 2 mins labour and it would stop. The doctor thought, I was joking, this kept up until I was admitted 2 days before my daughter was born on January 17, for blood pressure problems and it happened again. The whole hospital was talking about me, my nurse shared with me, she said we were waiting to see the outcome because of what happened at 20 weeks in our small country hospital, they should have air lifted me to the city. But I knew better didn’t I (not really but I knew he knew and that was all I needed). She also stopped breathing for a very long time, what shocked the doctors was the placenta was only the size of a womans palm (how did she survive, guess).

After my daughter was born, they waited exactly 6 weeks before getting me into the theatre to laser burn off the surface of this thing. Then after that healed they had to go in with cameras and biopsy to check if it had spread.

Well I sit here today with all my parts still in tact, that was 23 years ago and I am happy to say I am the oldest living female to do so.

Cancer is a curse and a familiar spirit, I know and stand on his word that he will always look after me. My daughter is beautiful and has made me a grandma twice.

 When I read over this all I see is how the Devil tried to stop me and harm my daughter well guess what I have ALL POWER AND AUTHORITY as my father does. Bam take that and praise the Lord.

What led me to him

My best saying is “you never know, unless you have a go” we are usually the ones who put up road blocks the devil puts doubt in so you don’t become the person he has destined you to be.

He has NO POWER unless you give it to him (devil). Stop loading the gun for him to pull the trigger.

In my own life the devil messed with everyone around me, he tried to suck the life right out of me and take over my mind. Then a brilliant person who was used by our father said “he has no power, you have the authority” bazinga that hit me.

I hit my emotional brick wall in my life, when that hit I came out fighting and with one thing I would do it right. I would find a way to turn my life into a good life a godly life I will stand in the midst of the battle and what ever it costs I choose life.

This was a turning point in life we can CHOOSE the path least taken that leads to him or the path everyone else takes that leads to death and destruction (meaning spiritually).

Testimony:

When I was a little girl a bad experience happened to me, at the time I was shattered. I went to my mum who at the time did not believe me. But then she could not dispute my reaction and it had to be the truth. I am not sure when if this happened the next day but I cried, which I was told at the time was a sign of weakness.

I begged my mother for a hug, please understand her upbringing was not the best so she had a brick wall up that would have put the great wall of china to shame. Her words to me (which turned out to be a blessing) “oh just go sit in a paddock and talk to God” she was very short and abrupt at the time.

I remember I was so angry that she couldn’t manage that simple act, so I said to myself right I will. I lived in the country so a paddock was not hard to find. I plonked myself down and cried out everything I was broken in spirit. I had nothing left but that moment. I said right I have been lead to believe you exist (not attending church or sunday school the fear of god was something that was put into me daily) I pointed to my house, I said to him “that is not a home that is a house, it’s hell on earth” “that thing that suppose to be related to me is evil” I don’t want to live, I want you to take me now”.

Nothing silence, so in anger I said not knowing the truth “then my soul may as well belong to the devil” my god as I sit here typing this I am back there, I am glad I know the truth. I felt these long claws like skeletal fingers with long nails come out of the ground inside of me, I knew then that this is real, I jumped up and said no “Jesus is my father, not that thing the world says is” I was so frightened I thought oh my god what have I done. I feared I had crossed a line that I was not old enough to understand. I said, I take those words back my soul and my life belong to Jesus (my father).

Then after I got over that shocker, I said, if that just happened then you are there. I demand that you hear me, I cannot live here  anymore it is hell on earth. I felt that I had no one to protect me or that loved me. I really did go for it he got an ear bashing at the time, then in the most precious voice.

I heard “Bronwyn, I will look after you”simple straight forward. I thought then that someone may have snuck up on me to play a joke in my time of despair. I looked around, no it was just me in the middle of no where, so I said what did you just say, again I heard “Bronwyn, I will look after you”.

I had forgotten this part until only a couple of years ago at a conference, I said ok, now I want you to leave a mark on me that is between you and me, I want you to put moles on me and I pointed to a spot on my leg, yes I was specific. Three moles that are a sign to me forever of you, Jesus and the holy spirit.

(Ahead a few years) Bazinga again, here I am sitting at a conference desperate to hear that voice, so pure so power so gentle so everything all rolled into one, absolutely unmistakable. All of a sudden quiet then, “Bronwyn, I left my mark on you. The one you ask for, for I have never left you” it was like a time line back I was making the demand sitting in that paddock. Tears and happiness were flowing in that most precious moment.

Continuing on, I remember being satisfied that I had protection, so I got up and went home. I walked in the back door my mother said to me “where have you been”. With boldness I said, “you told me to go sit in a paddock and talk to God, so I did”. She laughed mockingly then asked did he say anything? My answer yes he did “he told me he would look after me”. She laughed and thought I was nuts, but I didn’t care. How can you make someone understand that, everyone has to experience him in their own way.

With everything I have gone through to date the honest thing I can say is as a child I always said to myself “my life is not suppose to be this way” all the pain and hurt my life it was not suppose to happen.

A Pastor visited from another church, she said if anyone would like prayer see me after. I thought why not, bless her and God for using her. Her first words to me where, God wants you to know your life was not suppose to be that way, all the pain. He had better for you. Another bazinga, I keep using this word because there is no other way of explaining it.

In my home I have prayed about a lot of things but I have found the most awesome KEY.

Lord I know you love me, but I feel you need to fix what is wrong. I don’t know how or when but I GIVE YOU PERMISSION. I want to enjoy what you have for me, so Lord go for it, do what you need to, to get me to where you want me to be.

You don’t have to tell him twice, so began the healing. He is awesome and you know what, be willing to let him change you, to heal you and bring you forward.

You cannot loose, when you loose everything to him. Because he has that and more for you. Be blessed.