I was telling someone the other day, I wanted desperately to get out of the way I felt, but didn’t know how.
I felt I was always in this dark black hole, and that I did not belong their.
Yes I was scared of not knowing what life could be, but I knew I trusted his process of getting me there.
So, I am made knew, by the love Jesus had for me when he sacrificed himself on the cross.
I AM REBORN into the kingdom of Christ and so happy.
Today I quickly regretted going out without checking myself, but hey it takes time and money to get back on deck.
I saw a sibling, that always dress’s well, but looks down the nose at others. I saw, the person stop turn look at what I was doing and give a stern look and turn and left the shop.
All I said was, “cranky woman” I am not condemned by what they may think. I know where I stand, and very soon I will dress how I feel inside.
Once I get my hair done, eyebrows and its a few degrees warmer, I will shine like the sun.
The enemy holds nothing over me, cloths are starting to fall off my butt and I am excited for what is to come.
I will never look down on anyone, for it is not my place, my father loves everyone, but he also gives them a choice, a choice to choose.
I am running my own race here and I love where I am at, I have moved into the light and I am warming up.
I pray all are blessed by my positive words.
Yesterday I took a break, went to Bunnings and noticed, before the thought of going out was a big mental battle.
Who will see me, what will they think, watch the face movement, pick up on what they are saying by not saying anything. Try and make it seem OK, that you are dressed a little better than a bag lady etc etc etc.
The enemy kept telling me things like, do you really think you should go, are you really worth it, can you spare the money, your this your that, all the time.
Yesterday I went out and thought NOTHING, but wanted it to be a little warmer, I have nice cloths but just not ready to wear.
But watch out, this little duck is coming back into life, I am so excited I cannot even explain what its like to not be condemned for everything I or others have done.
And bags of cloths are in the car, ready to drop off and give to others, yipee. Before I would have just kept everything, not anymore.
Since condemnation has been removed, its like I have awakened, not knowing that I was even asleep.
Before, you have no idea, my head kept me hiding from day to day activities. A simple trip to the shop, would take a lot of mental effort to plan where I would go and what I would do.
Normally, I would pick something plain, because I would say to myself, pretty stuff is for others, not me.
The other day I saw a doona cover, it was pink and had big flowers on it, now to many this would not seem anything big. But its like, I am learning about the new me, the hidden me that I never knew before.
I feel like a rose, that was in a hard, closed down bud, but now I have bloomed and its the most beautiful feeling.
This could not have happened if it was not for my trust in the father, I said to him many times, I know it will hurt at the time, but it needs to be done. So when you feel its right, please, I give you authority to do, what needs to be done.
And how wonderful is he, to know I had come to the end of what I could tolerate inside and give him full rein.
whatgodsaidtoday 