I have been thinking a lot about how awesome our dad is.
How if you take the time to not only to be diligent, but say good morning, to just talk to him as your very best friend and then wait for him to answer.
Its really awesome, to know just how much your loved.
Again this morning I took the time and read Psalm 17, he opens it up more and more.
He sees me as the apple of his eye, how wonderful is he to think of me that way.
It is just really a beautiful thought….
Blunt, I call it direct.
Why waist time, you have no one on this earth to please, no one to answer too.
In reality of what I live in, you have only him.
So, being blunt saves time. If you cannot take the heat, get out of the kitchen as they say.
But I say, hold your ground, if it touches then clench your fists and fight to win.
I am the way I am, because he needs me, needs me to be bold and speak boldly.
As sometimes its hard to hear as an adult in the world, grow up.
Mature in the spirit, despite your earthly age, get a grip on yourself, for self is self depriving to your health.
Think about it, its the truth for now.
Go be blessed…
As I think I posted before he has shown me the garbage of others I was carrying, and everyday I look in the mirror. I see change, slowly I am shrinking, and its not about what others want for me.
Its all him, its what he has done for me.
He is pleased with how I take things on, to face them and breakthrough.
Only with him by my side, can I know I have NOTHING to fear.
Then all falls into place and all I feel is JOY.
SO if you have something, speak to him now. Go find a quiet place, he is ready for you to come, for now is the time to worship, come now is the time to give your heart.
COME.. do not put him off till later.
Later won’t cut it, now will.
Many times I say just in general, its not about wealth in money. Its about him giving you what you not only desire, but also for you achieving his levels.
Like a proud dad, he wants to give. But we hold him back, by words, by being proud full.
So I reset and know, that whatever and whenever my dad sees fit, I am ready.
Money means nothing, I have no desire, but I do have an expectation of climbing closer to him.
And with that if finance comes, he knows that it is less than breath. He is all I want, and I know he will show through me to others just how to love him.
Love will give me the desire of my heart, it will give me life more abundantly, not like the world but his way.
Just trust, rest in him and have peace, knowing he has got you.
That is all you need to know.
When I got my paints out and did some art, the painting I called, A change is coming.
I felt the wind in the spirit coming and blowing.
And I knew that it had to happen in the heavens first.
But boy, is it worth the wait.
Continuing on about becoming aware.
I have noticed not only buying more veg, but the need to have it all.
You see if I bought a pk of ice cream’s for example I would need to have one after the other. Until they were all done, or eat all chocolate etc etc.
I made a really yummy stir fry last night, choy sum, carrot, onion, beef, pasta (vegoroni) and I ate enough, still have 2 meals left from it.
And then I had one ice cream for dessert, that is such a monumental thing.
After when I felt I needed something else I had an apple and banana, this is such a huge transformation for me.
I feel others support and prayers which is amazing, if you have then thank you.
But yahoo…I’m on my way to full happiness
Now I know this may not make sense, but I look at things different to others.
The world had to stop, gift 1.
The world has had time to heal, gift 2.
We have had time to appreciate what we have, gift 3.
We have had time to see, see what is really going and make a stand, gift 4.
Time to spend in prayer and building our relationship with the father, gift 5.
Time to clean up things that we had put aside, gift 6.
Time to reset, gift 7.
It has been a life of not seeing me.
You see others would say things and it was if I was living inside a body that did not fit, what I saw.
Even when I was the correct weight, when the eyes you see through are like a lens that has not been cleaned, the vision is dis-taught ed.
And that has been my most recent insight.
Occasionally I see a glimpse of me and have known in a way why.
But I feel like my real self is finally coming forward and that is a real gift from the father.
So if anyone around you is doing the wrong thing, shout your truth and live the life you were meant to live.
I have been asking, why and when..
What caused me to be fat, when did I start to shut down. When and what happened, because you cannot move forward, instead you stay stuck in a system that is not of your making.
I grew up in a time that men could do what they wanted and what ever it was, was OK. No one would listen and think that it was wrong and that is not OK anymore.
So having to face certain memories allowed to look at them, outside of being the person it happened too.
And boy, has that made a difference. You see, I use to be a size 11, I use to exercise, walking and running up and down stadiums, ride my bike etc.
But then, people came along, each taking a piece of me, shutting me down and I started to use food to try and fill this void, you see food was either something to feel pain with. Because you eat until you feel pain or vomit, yes it is the truth, to feel something other than this gnawing feeling inside that you cannot seem to fill or explain.
It comes from words, words & things like, actions that may have been done towards you, are your fault – LIAR. Jealousy of others for just being me – LIAR. Having a hourglass figure and being pretty, to want me when your old and married – LIAR. Putting on makeup and nice cloths, words used to attack – LIAR. Pregnant and being told I am fat etc – LIAR. LIAR LIAR
There are many, many words but I realised after my father showed me, they were issues of others and not mine, but because of there guilt they tried to heap it onto me and convince me it was my fault.
Well the father showed me, it was their garbage and I needed to take out the garbage and send it on it’s way. When you realise, that the guilt you were fed, feeds a hole, that hole is all mental, not physical & nothing to do with your food choices. Your body will hold onto what it can, because like me if you loose a little you freak out inside and need to have that weight on, for protection.
So if this helps anyone else be aware, then I have done my job.
But lets say, the garbage has been taken out and I am now very aware of others problems that were nothing to do with ME.
And I stand in my spirit as my fathers and with so much thanks, that he has allowed me to find the answer.
So just know it is OK, OK to face the hurts and really see how and why.
And to restart, even at my age it is never too late. I am the generation who was coming out of the darkness and I will stand in the light, with everything I have.
I have come to the conclusion if I see no use for something I have, then I am letting go.
I was brought up, that if something belongs to someone else, you respect and honour that and look after it, until they collect it.
Which is honourable, but when it comes to my things or my past, enough.
I have used this time to go through things and if I have not used it, then out you go.
Its time, time for a new beginning.
Time to hit Go…
whatgodsaidtoday 