The new ME

Since condemnation has been removed, its like I have awakened, not knowing that I was even asleep.

Before, you have no idea, my head kept me hiding from day to day activities. A simple trip to the shop, would take a lot of mental effort to plan where I would go and what I would do.

Normally, I would pick something plain, because I would say to myself, pretty stuff is for others, not me.

The other day I saw a doona cover, it was pink and had big flowers on it, now to many this would not seem anything big. But its like, I am learning about the new me, the hidden me that I never knew before.

I feel like a rose, that was in a hard, closed down bud, but now I have bloomed and its the most beautiful feeling.

This could not have happened if it was not for my trust in the father, I said to him many times, I know it will hurt at the time, but it needs to be done. So when you feel its right, please, I give you authority to do, what needs to be done.

And how wonderful is he, to know I had come to the end of what I could tolerate inside and give him full rein.

 

Hiding behind FAT

Yes, when I got married before in the world, there was a history of bad behaviour from men. So my response was, to hide.

Since I was 19 yrs old I have hidden, men do not noticed a fat woman. And that was comfortable to me. Yes I did get back for a short time, to my size 11.

But again, males were not kind, so now I buy cloths that cover and are decent, most I do not like, but they do the job.

When I see me, in the mirror, I do not like what I see. But again, when so many bad things have happened it becomes a comfortable familiar, that you hide behind.

So, last night I found myself wanting to look like what I know I feel under the fat layer.

I want to feel the smile, I know is hiding behind what I carry around and I want to do it for my hubby and for me.

I am stronger now, and if I do not like the way I am treated, I can make sure that I make my point LOUD AND CLEAR….

No one is ever fat because they want too, they are hiding, either illness or emotions, so be extra kind. It may make the difference…

The world doesn’t like it…

I believe with all I am that the Lord is directing Donald Trump and if he does wrong the Lord will convict him.

But those who run him down, will pay a hefty price.

I do not know why, but I know that the USA needed this. Sometimes you get so far off track, you forget or cannot see how wrong you may have gone.

And it can take someone who will go against your grain, to pull you back.

I always state to people when they say, oh your so nice, big heart full of love and empathy.

But its no longer I that lives but he who dwells within me, so if the Lord is using the vessel of Donald. Then I would be terrified to not know and accept his correction.

Remember he create this world, he knew you from the beginning and he has a PLAN.

I realised I can come across as confusing…my husband needs to know

The other night the Lord showed me, my response to things are not what is expected and that others cant take as the real response, the following is why I need help.

No, Na, Nope, now this may seem a bit daft to begin with but really people, don’t understand what I am getting at.

  1. No is the solid form meaning: not gonna happen. Or I am freaking out and better to say no, but you may need to chat more to find out why.
  2. Na is the meaning: thinking maybe yes, need more info before I confirm the outcome. Possibility is there always.
  3. Nope meaning: Maybe I did maybe I did not, I might be trying to be funny.

In all this I try very hard, but after years of finding the word NO, its really hard to flip that switch.

My concern is my hubby when he walks up to me, for a date. Oh lord your gonna have to help here. You see I get very embarrassed and nervous, so my instant reaction is NO, save myself from the first date, first kiss and getting to know me, it really freaks me out.

I am very worth the bother (I finally know my value), ask the father he knows. But I wish I could just go too, hi how about we get hitched, and find out after that, if the Lord shows us then who are we to question. I am very private when it comes to this, you ask me out in front of people I know, its gonna be a NO or I will make a joke to try and hide my reaction. I want the process to be private, so no body is hurt. I was never one to want to hold hands, kiss in public or have a cute name, its between me and them.

Going out, how hard is that, well allergies, motion sickness, nervous stomach are not good at all, omg too personal to share. I like to chat about interesting subjects or even my veggie patch, things of interest, and when I am nervous I talk fast (Oh lord the more I think about it, I am sitting here getting nervous). Its an inbuilt form of protection that sometimes I am not aware that I am doing till later. But Lord let my hubby know, I am a treasure worth the effort, and getting to really know me, will be surprising and valuable. If he gets a no, try again, find out why, is it really a no or am I having a panic attack.

Being very cheeky and dry sense of humour, the hardest thing is controlling myself, as I do not want to appear as if I am flirting. I don’t think I know how to flirt anyway, I always thought I was just being friendly, I would have no idea if someone was interested anyway, it takes a person to walk up and say, I am interested in dating you, I am totally oblivious. I think because as my body matured, at the time I really needed a true friend, someone to share my heart with, and I missed the knowledge of finding out someone is interested in me.

The main problem is I never felt really good enough about myself, so in my head, why would they want to be with me, must be just sex they want (before I surrendered to the Lord’s way). But coming through it all and finding my worth finally, he needs to really make the effort and it has to come from him as I would never ask anyone out, not gonna happen.

Sometimes people have thought I had feeling towards someone, instead I felt protective as a sister or friend, people don’t really know me when it comes to this.

I don’t want any of my feelings to come forward, until the father says, he is the one. Then I will sit back and go quiet, sounds a miracle I know, but I am a thinker. I go away think about it all, before I make the final decision, I do not rush into anything, wisdom has to rule here. I want to be sure, I have not only my children to consider but my journey in Christ.

I am sticking to this motto : I believe he gives you what you need, not what you want.

We had a visitor last night

It was really late (2am) and I couldn’t sleep, so I lay there for a while. I heard a car with no lights drive up wait a few turn and leave.

Now most would freak (especially sleeping in a caravan) , I checked to make sure there was no one around and making sure the cars were there.

I just took it as the devil was trying to scare me, but my trust in the father I knew I would be fine.

No I haven’t lost my mind, only because of the miracles and things he has done for me, do I trust him. Accepting what is real, we are taught that if we don’t have tangable evidence then it doesn’t exist.

But his word says to pray, for you know not what you are praying. In the heavens it must be done by spirit before it happens on earth.

So I go by that, for his word does not lie. My thinking is that of a knowing that what I keep doing is building in the spirit. He will not fail me or forsake me, it’s been done in the heavens and as he said to me as a child.

I will always look after you.

4 Blood Moons, what this means for us

A sign of the day the Lord will return is coming. Watch John Hagee on you tube, if this doesn’t scare the life out of you nothing will.

NASA has confirmed the dates of the 4 blood moons this will also include an eclipse, I have spoken to a friend who is Jewish the dates are confirmed.

Passover         15/4/2014 full moon that will be shown the night of the 14th

Sukkot              8/10/2014 full moon that will be shown the night of the 7th

Adar 29-Nisan1     20/3/2015 eclipse which is a new moon

Passover         4/4/2015 full moon that will be shown the night of the 3rd

Sukkot              28/9/2015 full moon that will be shown the night of the 27th

Joel 2 V1-11

1 Blow the trumpet in Zion. And sound the alarm in My holy mountain! Let all  the inhabitants of the land tremble; For the day of the Lord is coming. For it is at hand.

2 A day of darkness and gloominess, A day of clouds and thick darkness, Like the morning clouds spread over the mountains. And people come, great and strong, The like of whom has never been; nor will there ever be any such after them. Even for many successive generations.

3 A fire devours before them, And behind them a flame burns; The land is like the Garden of Eden before them, And behind them is desolate wilderness. Surely nothing shall escape them.

4 Their appearance is like the appearance of horses; And like the swift steed, so they run,

5 With a noise like chariots. Over mountaintops they leap. Like the noise of  a flaming fire that devours the stubble. Like a strong people set in battle array.

6 Before them the people writhe in pain. All faces are drained of colour.

7 They run like mighty men. They climb the wall like men of war. Every one marches in formation. And they do not break ranks

8 They do not push one another. Every one marches in his own column. Though they lunge between the weapons. They are not cut down.

9 They run to and fro in the city, They run on the wall; They climb into the houses, They enter at the windows like a thief.

10 The earth quakes before them, The heavens tremble; The sun and moon grow dark, And the stars diminish their brightness.

11 The Lord gives voice before his army, For his camp is very great. For strong is the ONE who executes His word. For the day of the Lord is great and very terrible; Who can endure it?

This means we are about to experience great and terrible things, somewhat like what Hitler did.

The Lord is coming to save his people, but so is the devil, he is about to play games and manifest on earth.

Why are people worried???

I have had a lot of people contact me lately.

They are so worried about me, why? I think it has something to do with fear of the unknown.

I am in my fathers hands and I trust in him, he will direct my path.

Relax people, trust in him and he will lead the way.

You just gotta love with everything you have and trust the process.

Love the journey he takes you on, because the plan will soon be laid out in front of you to see.

Remember when the pressure comes, find joy. Because the breath through is close behind.