Lately something has really taken place in my life, awareness of his world, much much more than the world I live in.

I don’t go out very often, but when I do, I want people to feel the love I feel for him. No I am not shoving him down anyone’s neck. But I believe kindness and standing up when it counts.

I saw my physio lady who had come back from a holiday overseas, she went to two countries and told me the first was great the second, that her father-in-law died. Now if you have gotten to know me, you’d know what I instantly said, but you were there, at the exact time needed.

A brilliant observation, because with every dark cloud there is a rainbow, you just have to be in a place to see it.

Death is a transition into eternity; it is going from pain and maybe a not so brilliant journey to the place your meant to be. Or the place you have chosen over your life choices.

You face judgement and your allocated, I pray I end up where I have been told I will. But I still feel I ain’t finished yet, I have something big to do, without fear of what comes later.

He knows I went from being a quiet, shy child, to being bold and speaking when I need too, for I will not be silenced again.

I was always taught to keep quiet, to hold in all the pain etc and never stand up to the bullies. Now, I warn people, do not poke the bear, I have a very long memory, and I know your personality fault. I will not stand silent ever again, mum taught me well in many ways, but some I didn’t agree with, but I will never cower again.

This last comment is for the sibling who thinks she is better than everyone else and can lie her way out of a conversation. But I know how you work, I see you as God sees you and your judgement day is coming closer than mine.

The damage you have done is noted and you cannot lie your way out of what is to come, but I will spend this moment to pray you stop the path you’re on and beg repent and ask for forgiveness, it’s the only way.

And you know where I am right at this very moment, I have to agree.

You see I learned from a wise person, that if you become frustration or emotion starts to rise, think what would Jesus do.

And I count down from 10 slowly until it subsides, then you’re thinking clearly and act accordingly.

Now this may have taken me almost a lifetime to realise but as I always say better late than never.

And you know something, money has been tight to the point that the only way I ate was digging up a spud from the garden and what did those hard times teach me. Trust, to trust him in everything you do, because he has you, more than you know.

Recently I had my birthday and I really enjoyed it, it’s taken time but instead of struggling, I feel rich in every way possible. I am not saying I am a millionaire, but I have been for over five years setting myself up.

How, if I had a spare dollar or two, I would buy more than one of things. Like shampoo etc and I got a tub out and started to fill it. Every time it was on special, and I could afford it I bought more, so instead of one box of tissues I bought 3 or more and kept myself stocked up.

Laundry powder instead of the little packets, I bought the big box on special a years’ worth, and it saves you so much money, I used to watch the Italian Nonna’s a I paid attention.

This has allowed me to have a little cash spare for medications etc.

And that is why I feel rich, I got smarter and I made money work harder, and I didn’t have much to spare for nearly two years I lived on $54 for food and bills, petrol etc.

But I promised myself, instead of wasting his money, I would be smarter and put the lessons I had learned into action.

Extra bathroom supplies and toilet paper or laundry supplies are very expensive, but you can make it work for you.

Do what I did, pray first ask him to lead you and don’t waste an opportunity.

This is you gotta laugh moment.

We had a slip in the mailbox for my area saying the water would be cut off from 9 till 2pm, well I forgot until I saw a worker in my street. That was at 8.53am lol, I had to laugh, you see I had been to the hospital overnight for a sleep study and I was delirious yesterday.

God got me home, when you have so many wires on you and hooked up to things, in a strange bed etc etc.

I came home showered and tried to wash that goop out of my hair, still have some, but wanted to shower and take it slow today.

Well, I forgot, so I sit here going through paperwork, organising still in my dressing gown and I thought okay, just check your emails, see if there is anything I had also forgotten to do. But I am organised there, thank you father.

I would say they are going to fix it early, saw that a broken water pipe was fixed, here you can get updates on their website, which is really handy.

Sometimes technology works, they even sent you a msg on your phone, which is brilliant if you’re not sleep deprived.

At least I can see the funny side of this, gotta love to laugh and I am sure he will be laughing either at me or with me. He knows I can laugh at myself and I do many times.

Last night back in my own beautiful comfy bed, I was that tired I didn’t move to fix the leak on my cpap machine. They can see it at the hospital, but if they knew how tired I was, my back was hurting so bad on their mattress.

But I feel like I am in the land of the living so today is a plus… laughing at my joke, okay gotta go and check its back on, love to all…

I just checked my stats and who is reading these pages.

Thank you and hi, I hope you are having a great day or night whatever time it is there.

Know someone is thinking of you, especially our father.

And know he loves you; you and I are the apple of his eye and if your life is a little hard right now.

Don’t stand in his way, for the lesson is learned quicker is less painless.

Just trust him in all he is doing in your life and know he’s got you, even when you may doubt it, he really has got you.

And to add I was watching someone ask for, forgiveness but repeated the sin, that doesn’t work. True repentance is key, but that is for those who think they can hide it from him. Remember he has your plans, he knows everything in your life so just love the way he loves you.

And smile….

With me there is a certain time of year when I struggle, I was chatting to someone about how brilliant our mind and body is.

Then I thought about how he made us, but especially with me at certain times.

You see my brain and body does a sort of shut down, just breathing is difficult, so I take the time to allow myself to take a time out. I think it is truly amazing, how something traumatic happened that I cannot consciously remember but my body and mind does in a way, so it gives me grace.

And for this I am forever amazed, forever amazed how he thought to create Adam and then Eve, how he knows there is sometimes too much for us humans to cope with, so it allows us to be protected.

I am so very grateful, that God keeps me ticking over and allowing me time out. He protects me like a dad and then when we have our ups he celebrates with us and then when we have our downs, he carries us. It is truly a beautiful thing to have in your life.

Being told over the years that I was stupid or worthless, which is a true lie. Now I can say, I love my brilliant mind, the brain that does things no one else seems to be able to do. It allows me to see beauty in the darkness, to work out, see colours and patterns to work out numbers so quickly I am amazed every time.

This we I was talking to someone and telling them about certain things, and I stated the fact I am of VALUE. This revelation struck me at the exact time I said it, I have value. What an awesome statement, may have taken a lifetime to get here but I am here.

Be blessed and put the realisation of him in your life, the joy of it is so worth it.

I say this statement will all my heart holds.

God is so very good, so very good to me and I love him with my whole heart for it and the journey I have been on.

He is brilliant, he is a comfort a guide and my dad all in one.

Love him and see what he does, and remember training is not a burden, it’s a lesson you have learn.

It is funny how when you think about something and question yourself, how he hears you.

Last week I had to make an accounting appointment. And I stated about the issue that “I didn’t know what to do, but I had to do something”.

Then two night later that same statement came up on a movie “the book club 2”. I nearly rose to my feet in a cheer, to me this is him saying, you did it right.

This is very important because all might life those who should have been supporting and just loving me, were out to destroy me. So, I question myself many times, but this is getting fewer. Why I am learning faster, that my decisions are on point and that gives me a power and authority, with confidence.

I haven’t been posting as much as I felt I needed too, because I had to deal with an issue, but finally I am putting myself first and this has been very very enlightening.

It is not that God is not the very first on my list, but when it comes to others and how draining they have been, I had to cut the cord and say to myself enough.

God is always first and then me, it is about time and I am not one bit guilty, which if you knew me is miraculous.

Has anyone seen the shorts of Mike Mageles, he is a devoted young man and when its required, God uses him to send a message and I love that.

I am still clearing things out, it’s hard because I feel totally exhausted, but I know why and little by little I am coming out of it, to remove all the excess…

My space will be used for me and not anything that is not needed, what a revelation.

It always still amazes me when he aligns things I have been thinking about or praying for.

Feeling like you have been heard and seen is truly a gift, because many people don’t do this. They may talk at you, instead of to you. They may need to get something off their chest, but rarely sit and hear you.

I am one who cuts things into sections, because then you’re hearing and seeing things, for example when you listening to someone, are you hearing what they are saying or just listening.

Do you get the message or has it gone through one ear and out the other. Have you heard their cry or are you so busy, you miss the life right in front of you.

I find when I need something or if I have an expectation, it aligns at the right time and in his right season. I feel so loved and seen when this happens and I love him more for it.

Recently I had to go hard, not because I wanted to be mean but because for the first time in my life, I had to choose me first. This is a big thing for me, because I have always felt I needed to be ready for when people needed me, but no one of those where there for me, except that one and only God’s gorgeous red head. So, I made the decision and now I am getting rid of things, because I want my life, set for me.

I want to be available more for him, I need the space to enjoy what I enjoy doing. And for that I need to sell and rid myself of the excess, I have already made deliveries to the local op shops. But I need to rid myself of beds, yes, I need just mine and have the spare rooms cleared so I can reorganise and just keep what I need.

This is a big decision on my part, but I need to stop just existing and motivate the spaces to be used for me. I have trouble doing certain things because of my back and knees but having all this stuff is getting to me, so out she goes. I am over the just encase scenario, for the amount of people that now don’t stay for a visit, well why keep something others can use.

If he is aligning me to clear out, clear up and set myself up, then I am on board. Its overdue and I already have another back seat full of clothes etc to go.

It’s another form of weight loss that I am on board about. Because as another thing goes, I feel so much lighter.

Now this is something I am always mystified about, I see many people being responsive to emotion.

Yes, they get revved up and wham, an emotional response that causes problems, not only to you but those around you.

Many moons ago I worked this out, that many will automatically respond and it is not always good.

Then I thought about myself, how I had reacted in situations that could have been handled better.

So, when you know you know and I get this image of my hand picking up and sitting emotion to the side, because it does me no good.

So many times, this has saved me, it’s like when I hear someone speak, in my head I have cut the words into sentences, and I see what others may have missed. Keys to the conversation that no one else seems to hear. This information has shocked many, because as they talk, they miss what they are saying, the answer they are looking for and for me, the lies I pick up on.

You see, I grew up with a dad who was a compulsive liar, abusive, violent and nuts. I saw the effect he had on not just mum but me and others. What shocked me was how different he was outside the house, it was like a switch.

Coming from all that, having a pedophile as a sibling, a gas lighting narcissist etc, this showed me what I did not want to be and then I realised, I had the power to choose. Just like you, to choose the real father, the one and only.

When you think you have no one, these choices of mine have been extremely powerful.

I am no saint, but I stand on these facts, I have surrendered, all of me. I will be kind, I will show empathy, respect, honour and truth. And I will speak it even if those around me don’t like to hear it.

And in that when I struggle, he gives me answers, he hears my spirit and shows me that my overall decisions are correct to him. In that I find grace, I find love, I find peace.

I always think about this specific saying, it’s when you have to deal with another glitch in the force.

But thinking about it, how true is it if you think, lemons? Lemonade or lemon tea, lemon cake, lemon on chicken, dried lemon, frozen lemon juice etc etc etc.

There are many ways of dealing with each day’s issues, or the same old thing again. But when you have him beside you the list is endless, or when he stands in so simple.

It’s like with this page; I started it wanting to let my story and my journey come out. I wanted to share how you can go through something, that at the times feels like it’s going to kill you, but what it does is strengthen you, it trains you for the next step in your life. The life he has planned perfectly for you, your grand architect who has your blueprints laid out in front of him.

And when it is required and the person is put in front of you, to help those who have had the same experience you have, and you can share how he brought me through and that it can be done.

I am so very glad that the old lady next door prayed for me as a little girl, she may not have been treated well by her son and daughter in-law. But I believe she got into heaven and they are headed south, their judgement will show it all, the notes taken of their lives and what has been done that is not of him.

We need to very much keep this in mind, the lemons in our lives that we may be related too, but as I have removed myself from the talons of their lives. I feel a freedom and a wonderment of what is around me, you see I feel more than I see.

My spirit is connected and that very thing I keep in mind never to lose. It is a very rare and precious to have that connection in my life. And I love the rarest things; the one offs as you will. I think that is why I love the handbags I make, each one is a one off.

Then I think of my mum’s words, “when god made you, he broke the mould” that’s special.

Even when people have tried to pigeonhole me and try and destroy me, those simple words make me think that in my little life someone saw something special in me.

So as you have read this, you may not know of someone who may be praying for you, but know he is waiting for you, there is no big way to pray as you introduce yourself, just open up the door and start the conversation.

And know he loves you, all of you even the parts you’re trying to hide.

Be blessed.