Now this may not seem like a big thing to anyone else, but it is to me.

Having the Lord as my friend and telling him to make me ready for my husband has been, months of changes, to get this done for me, which I appreciate.

17 yrs ago something happened which has caused me to hide from life in a way, pain from intimacy stopped me in my tracks. I have used my weight, clothing and not paying attention to any details to discourage a male. Even acting like a bogan at times, like an idiot, yes I went that far.

The thought of giving my heart and then not being able to do what comes naturally with my husband really made me quiet sad (but I hid it well), and trust me telling someone and feeling it are very different things.

Well here I sit on the verge of getting relief, finally and I am excited, so as to my dream. Normally, I physically hit, rebuke or just say no, even while I am dreaming to any advances towards me.

So my dream was my breakthrough, a man & woman were looking at an apartment, the woman,  he was with was very strong, loud and dressed very smart and really took care of herself. I was there and could not get her to see sense as to why it wouldn’t work for them if they were to be together in the future, very unliveable plan two stair cases that took up a lot of living area. If your not logical, and the plan doesn’t work then I do not get it.

Anyway, the guy moved to a small room to measure, I went to the room and said to him, do you think that trying to fit in a relationship, is going to work down the line (you cannot force what is not right), yes I know she dresses lovely, but is she right for you, your trying to find things that are not there. I boldly said, I can be improved on, but what sets me apart is, I have a solid bases to build on. He noticed my chest and put out his hand, what got me is I didn’t flinch, I said to him, oh no, if you want me, you know what you have to do, you gotta put a ring on it.

In life any male even trying to hug me, I have flinched, bad habit I know, but when it follows in your dreams for many years it shocks, that change is happening and that its OK, to deserve to be loved and I will be able to give myself without pain.

So today is a very good day, because I am coming out of my shell. I will finally be able to look in the mirror and smile back at myself. I love smart elegant cloths, I started by buying a pink top which I am wearing today and make up omg. I must sound like I have been on another planet, but internally I have.

If anyone has been hiding because of a medical issue, I pray that the Lord grants you freedom from it and that you can live life as your meant to live it…

God bless