Realised why…

I realised something that has been bugging me, why had this happened to my life, what caused me to end this way. A little reflection time, well here goes trying to explain what I mean.

When I was young, I spent as much time on my own as possible, to stay safe and keep out of harms way.

But realised, I was blamed a lot that was not mine to own, and it has had an affect, but stops now.

For someone else’s actions sick mind, even though the person was 5 years older than me – LIAR. For the eldest loving my fun personality and that I was little and cute, so your jealousy caused division – LIAR. That I was like them – LIAR. I was there to be messed with – LIAR. Safety of mine so I had to get out – LIAR. My fault anything to do with my kids – LIAR.

What I am getting too, not filling in it to a degree, is that I have been blamed for many things. And the males through my life have got off Scott free.

Well I am not the one who had a bad mind, I am not the one who’s attitude is wrong. I am not the one, who did nothing to build up the children. I am the one who did as much as I could the right way even though I admit to my mistakes.

I have to say when someone is 5-13 years older than you and blame you, when you have no idea, is just fobbing off there own errors, and well I am taking a stand.

Why, my father showed me, that is why I am now fat. When I was happy I was fit and a size 11, words crumble your self confidence. When I was pregnant I was called fat etc, when I was creating a life and  should have been celebrated.

Every time I had tried to rise, the enemy shot me down. And the last was my son, who blamed me saying, “you always want to be the centre of attention” those words are bitter, twisted and again a lie. If he only knew what I had to deal with, he might get his fat heart healed.

Well now, I got your number, enemy. I am now standing up, you are done. I am writing this because of, not only the magnitude affect, but the subtly the effect can come onto your life.

I am angry, but in a good way, because it fires me up. I must be in line for something great when the enemy has tried so hard to stop me.

Lets end on a good note, because when your aware, things can change.
And mark this one, I am VERY AWARE.



How love fills and overflows

Today I have been singing a song, and tears keep welling in my eyes.

Because, I mean them, it may just seem like a general song but, I do fall deeper and deeper in love with my Lord.

I realised that when I met someone in my past, they thought I would cheat on them. So they attached me, words like, putting chook shit (makeup) on your face or going out tarting.

When all I wanted to do was feel good and make the person want to be seen with me.

Because of the love I feel now, I know time will come when I finally get back that feeling before nasty words tried to shut me down.

I wash them with the blood of Jesus, for I am better than that. And I have asked to get healthy, so the time will come.

All I have to do is hold onto my faith and follow his instruction.

Sometimes its worth a thousand words

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I found this picture on a sight, and I absolutely love it.

Why, I think of the seven spirits of God, that are the colours of the rainbow.

I think of the waterfall in heaven, all of it and this picture is wonderful.

Sometimes I would love to put pictures in places and say, trust me.

And source inspiration, that would make those stop and think of more than themselves.

Let your light shine

Today, I did not do much but feel like my light shone.

I cannot write what I mean, but I hope you understand, wherever you are.

When the news keeps telling me things, I praise him in my heart.

When darkness tries to pull you down, if that is to do with money or anything else, let your light shine and hand it to dad, he will give you the steps.

Nothing is so large that it cannot be broken down and managed.

From one who knows, this is so very true.

How happiness breeds happiness

When you smile, others smile with you.

When you laugh, others laugh with you.

When you do something and someone notices, then says, what can I do your so nice. I say pay it forward.

So breed some happiness, laugh, make a joke.

I do not want to be a skinny model, or be dripping in diamonds.

I want to appreciate every breath, every moment and learn, then apply it to my life.

Do it, you get more than you give…

Take note, when the harvest comes in

This is something we have all seem to have forgotten.

When we work so hard to have finance, then blow it.

We need to do as we were trained many years ago, a little splurge is fine. But you must put most of it away.

A new house is nice, but really do you need it, a roof over your head is all you need.

Food in your belly and clothed, when did we get so caught up with having to have it all.

Their are things I would love to have, but I know my father knows the desires of my heart.

So all I have to do is keep him in my front thought and things will fall into place.

I stopped fretting many years ago about what I did not have and striving for things, but that is just it, things.

He is most important and the best thing I ever received from my mother was how to make something last, how to stretch and how to manage money.

And be happy with just that, I know I do not have to keep up with the Jones’s I have more than they ever will, so find your peace.

Know dad will add, when you get your mind, heart and spirit right.