The other day I said, that I was in no way perfect. Well even though I am ashamed of myself, I am going to face it head on (I will give the devil no room to move).

The other day, curiosity got the better of me and I googled someone I know, what I read was lies.

I absolutely hate injustice and lies, always have. I think because when I was younger, I had no voice, to shout out the truth.

So when I read, what I did and my reaction was (cricket bat, would never use one) then I realized, I chose to google.  

So why was I angry, haven’t I been saying to myself and the lord, that I trust him. As I have known the lord to deal with this person twice before on my behalf, I will stop and be wise, I will keep pushing through to forgive.

That was part of a word I received the Sunday before. That my answer is to forgive, he will give me faces, so maybe this was meant for that reason. I am after all a work in progress, you never stop learning.

I will leave it to my father & remember he is moulding me on the potter’s wheel.

I had a friend stay the other night, cooked a beautiful roast for us, more veggies than meat. I told her I am reconditioning myself, explained the Dr Oz comment (veggies with meat on the side).

I had her on my mind, so next thing I txt her, to ask her over. God knows when we need someone and will prompt us.

We were talking about things and one thing went to the top of the tree. We got so excited and encouraged, we could see the pattern in all three.

Three moments were: How their have been examples of people who could have missed, their match. This is what I mean, God has a match for you, someone who is the right person for you to be with (not how the world does it). One of my old friends, whose name is (name withheld) said, how her husband met another (name withheld), just before meeting her and he was thinking seriously about her. But how God worked and put them together.

Then another friend, when he was praying for a wife, his wife’s name is (name withheld). He was with a girl called (name withheld), but knew it wasn’t right. He said to God a test to see who was going to be his wife, let her give me a book, then I will know, she did just that. He wanted blonde hair, big boobs. He got the perfect one, petite and a fire cracker to keep him in line.

Then when I read the book (Inside my heart), how Robin went out with Phillip’s sister the weekend before (double date), she had gone out with a pilot, but he was the wrong one. The right one was in the house of her friend, God moved the wrong one out and the right pilot came downstairs. She knew by the end of the night, he was the one, she was meant to marry.

Dont be in a rush or think you have to hang onto the wrong one (let go), the right one is close at hand. God knows when and where just follow his lead in the dance, that if you listen you can hear it in your heart.

I was about to log out when he remind me of this, I had to put it in.

Again be blessed

As you are probably well aware of when I posted Doctors crack me up I was feeling a bit down, to say the least.

I have to be honest here because if I don’t, then I am the one who gets hurt the most. And if people are reading this, what I am sharing from my heart, what are they going to think, if I am not.

I had time with my Pastor and I opened up, how I was really at the end of myself, to do with my weight. I was sick of not being able to eat all that God has provided, I can’t have this or that because of allergies and stomach pain. That I am still fat, even though I am eating so little, I was really at the brink on Saturday, I had, had enough. When you get to that point, their is only one way to go, forward.

He lets you get to that point, because you come out fighting, I cried and let it out. Felt so much better, we agreed, prayed and stepped forward into a size 12 AUS.

The devil knows this bugs me and has holds me back, but I am nothing if not a survivor, so I will stand and fight, the outcome is on its way, as it has been done in heaven.

All my life, my health has been the one thing, he has used frequently to hold me back, well not anymore. I don’t care if I have to crawl, little by little, I will not be stopped or silenced. I am my father’s daughter, I have super strength, that he has given me and by god, I will have the victory. I am making the choice to prevail.

I am a walking miracle, the devil has tried 3 times to kill me off. And I am still here, I am extraordinary, he has no power over me.

Guess what, I am not going anywhere, I am here to stay, so praise the Lord, joy comes in the morning and take that you maggot (devil).

My doctor at the moment is trying to get to the bottom of things and he makes me laugh. They are so clueless sometimes, you just gotta shake your head and keep going.

I know in the world they work on genetics, but I am under my fathers genetics, not the world. In my heart and mind I am there every day, so when they start, I want to laugh or cry (but I choose laughter).

Yesterday went in for blood results, they always look at the cholesterol because I am fat (no reason to sugar coat it), he looks at me and says, ‘its great you are doing something right.’ What I do not understand, a normal day for me is, a nectarine for breakfast washed down with water, I may eat a line as I call it of Rice crackers (this is on the odd occasion), lunch sandwich bread and cheese (no butter/marg) more water or small tin of tuna, yes with rice crackers. Dinner will be either a small pasta dish tuna casserole was the other night or sausages, spud, carrots & peas (and yes there are more veggies than meat). My portion sizes are small so go figure.

I am not a lazy person by any means, I usually cannot sit still. Lately all I want to do is rest, I think the bug I had hit me harder than I care to mention.

So why am I putting on weight and not loosing it, if I hear more exercise again, I think I might scream (inside, not out). Or like yesterday buy a dog and take it for walks. My bra (sorry, cuts into my shoulder and makes my arm numb), I know they are doing all they have been trained to do, but I am different (start thinking outside the box), something is causing this and god will give me the key, I have to believe that or I will cry.

Yes, it gets me down, I know everyone is trying to help, but I am not NORMAL. Something is causing this, if I ate all the garbage under the sun, then yes I would agree, but I don’t.

Anyway, then I get the option of a free half hour health check, ha, that was perfect except for my weight & needs to have my eyes tested but hay, that’s pretty good.

I have one more test to go, I am so over this, but determined to press on. Doctors they do have a certificate to practice, they just cannot figure me out. God give them assistance please, you are my real physician, so do the work father.

Doctors think they are so qualified until they meet me, thinking about it, I think vets are more qualified, they have to deal with so many different animals. Doctors deal with one type, think about it.

Last night, I left work and walked to the train. It had been raining, so I almost slipped over. I always see the funny side of things so a squeal of delight is always close to hand.

Next minute, I had this man walking next to me. He said to me, “I saw you almost slipped”. I said yes, ground started moving but I am fine, all good.

Then he says, “I couldn’t help but notice your quiet an attractive woman”. I have been on this earth long enough to know something was not quiet right. Don’t get me wrong, it was nice to hear BUT. I have been married & divorced, had children and lived in sin, before I chose to live Gods way, I am not a stupid woman, when you listen to your instincts, you know when to keep moving.

Then he says, “I wondered if you would like to go for a coffee sometime” I thanked him for his conversation and kept walking, told him I appreciated what he said but, between Church and work, I am fine thank you. He said he was on his way to work, at that time of night where? Warning.

I have done things the worlds way, now its God’s way. I want God to bring me, the man I am meant to have, he knows what I want.

And the logical thinking pattern I have was, no makeup, bad hair day and the fact I looked like the Goodyear blimp. No, no, no, something was not right.

What I thank God for and I am so proud of my reaction, was instantly I wanted to know what God thought. When I walk, or where ever I am, I can feel him with me. I drive sometimes and feel alone so I ask his angels to fill up my car, laughter bursts out of me and it feels like we are trying for Guinness book of records.

I thank God for him, letting me know something was not right.

It pays to be wary, recently in Australia two women have disappeared and been murdered. I will not become a statistic, I am my fathers daughter and with that I have security.

When this man was next to me I felt nothing, no presence of God. That made the decision for me.

Remember, I have to be aware all the time that the devil knows I am waiting for a husband and will want to side track me, I will NOT let that happen.

Recently I had to seek medical advice, turns out I have tennis elbow.

Most people in the world would say, oh poor me you know the rest. But me, I went to the doctor for something else, I think it’s funny so had to go through the drill of filling out work cover, going to physiotherapy and lucky me, I can’t take anti inflamitories.

So here I am week 3 I think, I have to admit the pain has been to the point of me wanting to naw off my arm to relieve the pain and I will only take a certain amount of pain killers before I call it quits (normally 6 in total). I did all the right things like ice every hour, made sure I did not use that arm for anything. Well it was swollen to the point of just trying to pick up a paper clip was impossible, but I kept on working.

As you get to know me you will realize, I am an extremely determined woman. When I get it in my head, I will push and push until I get break through.

On Sunday my beautiful Pastors wife who is also a Pastor stood next to me chatting all of a sudden she said, “Bronie your arm, it’s really swollen”. Had to agree, no use denying the fact, so she said well we can’t have that, so she placed her hand on my arm and said, “Lord we take authority, devil you get your hand off, this swelling is going down, now in Jesus name”. I said amen another woman agreed and remember when 2 or more agree Jesus has to act, there is no if but’s or maybe’s. I squeezed my hand a couple of times to get some sort of feeling and said to myself, DONE.

Well about 2 hrs later what do you think happened, I had someone say to me, your arm is back to normal. I was unaware, but an instant hallelujah came to mind, I didn’t doubt my father for a moment. You see it wasn’t my Pastor, it was her willingness to act on his behalf, he was the one who did the work. I went to the physiotherapy Monday and he said how is your arm, I said fabulous, he looked puzzled, I told him what happened and I even said to him I don’t care if you don’t believe me (I will not hide my father’s work from anyone). Once he had finished he said to me, I can’t believe you’re so far along for a tennis elbow, take that devil, that was witness to him and the beauty is he doesn’t even know it.

You know if you think the way I did yesterday as I was making my way home, maybe he clipped my wing because I needed it. Then I started to think what had I done wrong, what did I need to change.

So maybe this didn’t happen to me, but happened for me…

Be blessed

God enlightened me of something on the weekend, teenagers got to love them, or want to strangle them. They have this pack mentality, to do whatever it takes to be one of the crowd and turn against the old’s, their the enemy.

OMG how nieve is that, parent’s have never been young before, they don’t want you to have fun, they won’t let you go to party’s or I can’t stay out late and they just don’t understand blah blah blah. Yes lie to your parent’s, fight them at every angle, treat them like crap on stick, they are not trying to protect me they are cramping my style and not letting me go out and have fun again blah blah blah. It’s fine I know the people who will be their, really that old line again! Teenagers never get hurt they are invinceable!

Wake up, they LOVE you and that is all they are guilty of, they trusted you and you abused that. Without remorse or guilt, you who live rent free and give nothing in appreciation of what you are given freely.

Oh and if I hear I didn’t ask to be born again, it will be too soon, you were born out of love. You who are run here their and everywhere think that’s their job, no it’s not. What about what you have to do, oh and my parents owe me! WHAT, for what, you who don’t know the difference between moochers and friends.

You know when it comes to the crunch you will find out who your real friends are, the ones that treat your parents with respect for allowing them in their home. I know from experience which is something you are yet to have.

One thing I regret: It’s sad that I gave up my virginity like I did, I cannot take that back and to this day I feel so sad about it. If a guy cannot hold your heart by they way he treats you and he should treat you like the princess you are (not use you for what he wants, you know what I mean), then he doesn’t deserve you. Set the bar and don’t take anything less.

I know the saying, I just want someone to love me! I have been their, I got chewed up and spit out (no that might not happen to everyone). Your parents love you they just want you to take a breath wait 4 seconds and just put yourself in another thinking pattern to see what may go wrong.

PERSPECTIVE is a wonderful thing and teenagers don’t often have it. I was always told just stop and think about what if, that saved my life in more ways than one. I have seen teenagers vandalize and be violent towards their parents, in truth they are fighting the wrong enemy. Some will even go to extreme lengths because when it come down to it, they want their own way, yes it’s selfishness.

I had to come to that conculsion with myself growing up and no one would argue, you have 3 years of rebellion that turns you into a person if you looked through someone else’s eyes you wouldn’t recognize. When I woke up, I thought if I don’t make a change then I have not grown up and my mother will not believe me if she doesn’t have evidence. I had to stand up and be responsible, I had to go back to my mum and say that at the time I didn’t see past me, we said things in the heat of the moment and for my part I am sorry, but bringing it back to basics you did it because you loved me. I couldn’t make her say the same to me, but I made the change.

Parents are not always right we learn every day, but we have this overwhelming need to protect you from any enemy, even if that is yourself. If we go about it the wrong way and make mistakes at least we will learn from it, most will acknowledge this. Sometimes when I was growing up I had to be the bigger person, I had to understand that maybe my mum didn’t have the best upbringing and she was doing what she thought was best for me by the way she learn’t how. You have to eventually acknowledge that, just because we are parents doesn’t mean were dead, we love to be funny to have a laugh, most I know are good people.

I remember when my son realized I wasn’t just mum but a woman in my own right, that shocked him he never even thought about it, mum’s stay home they never do anything and they are always their when needed. We are individuals in our own right and funny why not get to know us, I am glad I did that with my mother before she died, I have the most precious and best memories.

What I am trying to say is just stop and think. Sometimes giving of yourself is the best thing to do, be selfless, you will get more I promise you. You think your parents are hurting you, that’s a lie, see the truth and appreciate what you have before it’s taken away.

Sometimes the one we need to fight is looking back at us in the mirror. It’s up to you to stand up and be the person your destined to be.

I have been thinking about this blog and what I am trying to say. I have yet to get it organized and the way I would like, but I have to write. It’s like when I have to paint, yes I do art for fun or when prompted, it feels like a release in a direction that I was never aware of  (never knew I could, what a surprise that was).

Anyway back to subject at hand, I notice people sometimes, there are the ones that do the, Oh poor me, the whiners, the skeptics etc etc. You know where I am going with this, but who made your day today, what good did you find from a complete stranger?

Food for thought! ok now I have your attention, I have had days were I just wanted to let everything go and have a cry session (this is quiet rare at times). And I have, but then when I have exhausted myself I think to myself what can I do or find good out of this? So then I pray to the father, “Lord this hurt and I have had a moment but I need you, help me find the positive out of it”.

Sometimes you need help, other times he is quick and gives you the answer, before you have thought of the question. I find him very mindful of me, even down to the little things (which touches my heart greatly).

Recently I wrote about something that happened without going into detail. So far what I have learnt is how strong I have become in trusting him.

I use to be a person who was very dramatic and I could cry at the drop of hat, I felt weak and powerless, even depression sunk it’s claws in at the time, that battle is being won.

I am sure people who use to know me would be absolutely blown away by the change in me, it’s not about age, no amount of years can give you this only he can. I am no longer a dweller, or a poor me or even a reaction of, I need to have a sleep, try to hide or turn off the world.

God is very mindful to give me songs that I have heard or sing on Sunday. I love this, last week it was the same as now it goes like Holy spirit send your fire down, going over and over in my head, also has I yield my mind, I yield my heart, I yield my life to your spirit oh Lord. I will find out what it is for you, its good because it keeps your mind active on one thing, what he is trying to tell you. Something will come out of this that will blow my mind, sometimes I have to wait so I will get back to you.

Yes sometimes things are hard but gold is never moulded without heat and fire. And another is a diamond is only formed under great pressure.

I have a friend and sister in the house who earlier this year had a stroke, I don’t think anyone I know panicked or thought why. We went into action my focus and thought was about her rehab when she was home, so being one who has to be practical I thought of her front garden it’s small but boy did I work hard to make that happen, all weeds at the time.

Back on course (I have a habit of diverting so bear with me) she text me, near the end of the conversation she said how she felt trapped in her body, her arm and left side was affected for a time. I said to her God sometimes steps back, things happen to make us “what we are yet to become“. I told her she is destined for greater things, family and life can divert us sometimes and we need a check. I knew when this happened and I kept telling her husband this is her miracle, yes it will be a battle but without doubt it’s hers for the taking. She is astounding everyone, she is an awesome person and so loved by everyone.

And yes she loves the garden, so do her neighbours.

Yesterday was a challanging day to say the least, I cannot go into it for privacy issues but another test as a mum.

Some would look at what happened as an OMG moment, but I CHOOSE God over and over again.

The devil tried again and God won. I know this is skirting around what happened.

But I chose to hand something to him, lock stock and barrel. Something on the inside of me rose up and said no, this will not defeat me.

When something that would rock someone else’s world, not mine because I CHOOSE to find some joy somewhere somehow. There is nothing I can do that HE cannot do better. I have learnt not to interfere but trust him fully. I have found a place of refuge when things happen because he is my strength my sword and shield. It says it in black and white, oh father let the world see your awesome beauty and know you are their God.

What I received was peace, knowing he has it in hand. The grand architect with my blue print for my life layed out in front of him, all I have to do is be willing to follow his instruction. I do it boldly and with love for him, he has never let me down before and never will.

It’s looking through his eyes not the way we have been trained to see.

Have a blessed day.