Category Archives: Journey

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Life, it’s a funny thing

I was shopping with friends and came across one of those little framed sayings.

LIFE, it’s not about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about dancing in the rain.

Now this sounds simple, yes. But do you get the meaning, it’s like the bible you can read it but if it is just words, your not getting the meaning.

You must have someone who is either of your spiritual parents to highlight this for you. It is just like you can hear, but also are you LISTENING.

We all have storms that are part of life, I am talking about you and what is going on either in you or with those close to you.

I have faced storms that would knock you down, but I say father I TRUST IN YOU and you will be my help and shield. Yes, I have cried buckets in my time, but I have to keep going.

Getting back to the meaning, when a storm is over you. Turn it around, I have gone into worship, I have sung when tears have been streaming down my face. But I will NEVER give in, that’s the key. A storm passes but I CHOOSE to make it pass faster by TRUSTING my father with my life and that of my children.

He has never given up on me, sometimes we need to flood to have the clean up. The idea is to keep watch, never become complacent and pray people. He loves each one of us and it takes all of us to be part of the body of Christ.

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I feel his cry…and I love him so very much

Are you scared, I am, fear the Lord, he is so powerful.

The last days are here, not saying the world is ending, just saying this is it. Before he returns to us as the age he left, signs are here and my god what is about to take place, I cannot even put into words.

But if a horror movie doesn’t scare you, just you wait.

I have fear in one way, another is a cry of the fathers heart for those who have had the opportunity over and over to walk in his walk.

I would rather be in his boat that in the washing machine of the world. I trust him with my life and he has never let me down. NEVER

He has kept his word to me every single time, I have not agreed sometimes with the process but when I get to the end I see what he was trying to do. And everytime I love him more, I am growing up and getting stronger with each passing day.

I keep saying “what does not break me, WILL make me stonger in Jesus name” I stand by that, you never know how strong you are until your tested.

Keys I have found, surrender, be willing and keep going, step across the line and trust him.

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Why me??

Sometimes I stop and talk to the Lord and say “why me?”

What I mean here is, I don’t think I am anything special, I am just a regular person if you passed me in the street. But as his daughter I feel extraordinary.

For some reason he chose me, I feel so over whelmed and I get teary, because I don’t see, what he sees. I think the main thing here is, he knows in the midst of all, I have the strength to stand. I have gone through some amazing things and I know one thing more than any other is the super strength I have.

I am one determined woman, when I make my mind up, and no I am not single-minded, if I can see a better way then I am flexible. But the goal is always the same destination or me, I will make it to the finish line even if I have to crawl the rest of the way.

He has waited for me patiently like any parent and for that I am so very grateful. Something that has really hit home these last few weeks is, how much of a gentleman he is. He will not push you or come in without being asked.

I was at church and we always pray before hand (we call it the engine room). I went in and said, “Father I invite you here today, this is your house and you run it the way you want, we are willing to do what ever you request” one of the girls said, the room got thick when I started praying, that is a sign of his presence. I said that night I invited him in, he will not intrude he is so polite and its so very true.

When I pray I tell him father what ever you do will be done with the utmost love. So I give you permission to do anything yes there may be times I need to take a breath, but do it. I am your willing servant.

And with that my journey began, change started to take place.

Glory be to the King of kings the father of all. Go to a quiet place and have a chat, he is waiting for you. If you trust one thing trust this.

May blessings come your way.

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Home to me

Last night we worked on getting this blog onto our church website. (Slight hitch will keep you updated)

I am nervous, but one thing I have learnt and this is so true. If your uncomfortable then your moving forward (your maturing and growing), I wont be letting anything stop me, from where I am supposed to be (my nerves are to remind myself, not to get a big head).

When I got home I had this song, going through my head

Something in your eyes
Makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms
There’s something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I’ve been so alone
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you’ve done

It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I’m alright ’cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there is light

If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I’ve waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought I’d love anyone so much

It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
Feels like I’m all the way back where I belong

It feels like I’m all the way back where I belong

I have highlighted the parts that really have hit me, since last night, I never felt like I was home growing up, until I walked through our church door.

I knew I was home, but to have the lord give me this. I have tears in my eyes, because of the absolute power of his love for me and mine for him.

Something has happened because of this, something beyond words. Oh my God, I have stepped forward over the threshold, I am their with him. I can feel his awesome presence here with me. Having an encounter is so beyond words, its like all the excitement you can have all at once and more. Hallelujah!

Something so simple that he started, can really be so powerful. Impact is in his hands, glory to you lord my ABBA father.

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Are we awake? I want to make sure I am

On my way in this morning, I noticed the train was going slower than normal.

Four sheep were out and next to the tracks, one looked like it had a broken leg (needed to be put down). What I started to think about was no one on my carriage rang, to let anyone know. I was shocked, I got on the phone, once I got to work, to let them know to go out and rescue these poor creatures.

Having a moment:  Why do the same people think someone else will do it. That is my one beef, wherever I am, people just go about their day and do what they deem to be important. And leave the cleaning up, for the same people time and time again. I don’t care whether your busy or not, you have to put some effort in. I am busy too, but I put it aside, to help out.

Jesus sees all, he knows I will humble myself and do what I have to do, when I have to do it. Yes, I admit that I do not like being left with the chore, time and time again. But I know I can be counted on, to do it properly and he sees that.

It  just seems like people are asleep to me, they take, no notice and I don’t think they really care.

But while I have a heart and eyes, with two hands and two feet that work. I will make sure I am awake, regardless of what people think.

Memory: I remember at high school, I did not bow to peer pressure their. I thought to myself, how dare they think they can order me around, they will not be paying my wage. One girl even threatened me with violence, I said to her, “if you’re gonna hit me,  you better make it good” she stopped and said to me, “what do you mean?”. I said to her, “hitting me is called assault, I wont just go to the principal, I will make sure your charged, so if you’re gonna do it, you better make it good, because you will get one chance and one chance only”. I confronted a bully and she backed down, growing up with violence you become intolerant to it.

I made sure I was awake then and I will not become conditioned to think another way.

I am with the minority of Jesus, I am extraordinary and I will try to think how he thinks. I will stand up for myself, I will go out of my way to help and I will be heard.

I have been put here to fulfill my destiny and by God I will do it, with everything I have.

Go for it, get charged up. Wake up and get excited.

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I am jealous of him

I realized something last night, God always says, he is jealous of me and will protect me.

Well I can honestly say, I am jealous of him and I want to protect him. I can feel his yeehaa of glee, as I type this.

I wonder if anyone else has felt that way, probably they have.

If someone disrespects him, that affects me, I feel his pain and sadness, I feel his smile and laughter.

And I don’t want to ever lose that, it’s just, so very special to me.

We have a special bond and that I treasure.

So lord be blessed today and know I am here for you always.

Sending kisses to heaven, all my love Bronie

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I know in my heart what choice I have made

What I mean by that, I cannot change those around me, or make them think the way I do.

Yes I can pray and believe, but if they waste this time, that we have left, then I cannot change or control that. It is up to them and them alone, this includes my children.

When the time comes, I know I can turn and walk with my father, even if this means turning and leaving them. This is not in any way harsh, but fact.

There is a time coming, this I know more than anything else.  A time when, we will have to either turn to the father and be in the boat, or think we can save them, by staying.

You cannot stay with a sinking ship, you are not the captain. Regardless of how you feel, you must make the choice now. There are no second chances, your either getting in, or you will be left on the shore.

I know the choice I have made, yes I have faith and I will keep believing.

But I feel my father must know the answer now. I have made my decision, think hard and make yours.

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Every day is a new day

As a parent all you want from your children is that they keep trying.

Not to be better than everyone else, but keep trying to be a good person, who you can say, is honourable & respectful.

I was speaking to one of my children and they said to me, “mum, I keep trying” and that is all I ever want. I told them how proud, I was for that and thanked them, for being my child (sometimes as parents, we forget to say the words, but I know the impact they can have).

I want, for both my children to be honourable people, who are respected, by not only themselves but others to see it. I want them to walk around with the heads held up, and know who they are, to like themselves. To feel they are worthy individuals whom I love, equally.

I was asked by one of them, ‘oh you love them, more than me’. No, I do not, I might like one more than the other at a certain time, depending on the circumstances. But love is equal, but I did say, at the time and its the truth, that I love God more (I had to be honest).

I explained that, he is first in line, because you know where I have been and the positive results that you can now see. I will not lower my love, you have to meet me where I am. Things were happening at the time and I said, I will continue to love you, but I will not lower myself and hang around in the muck you’re in.

Sometimes as parents, we want to make it all better, but sometimes we enable people and we must not interfere, especially if the lord tells you not too. I have had to learn this and if anyone can learn from me, that’s good.

Thinking about myself as the lords child, I need to do exactly the same, to know who I am in Christ. Not look at the ground, but walk around knowing, I am special, because he is my father.

I am sure that’s what he wants, for us to be honourable to him, to respect him and ourselves and to keep trying.

Like the words in Pinks song that keeps running through my head, ‘Get up and try, try, try, you gotta get up and try, try try’.

 

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I have poured out my heart

As I have said before, I am in no way perfect, but I am trying, to do the very best I can, last night I prayed and gave it everything, I had.

I was at the end of myself (at the end of my internal fight), I cried out to him, I ran through those people who, I could remember and asked him to help me forgive them.

But I also said that I choose to forgive, that I repented for anything, I have done wrong, I cried out about everything and anything.

I have had plans to a new display home I liked up on my cupboard, I even surrendered this dream for him. I said to him, ‘he is all I want’, I want to do what ever he has for me. I even asked for him to tell me, yes or no if there is a man chosen for me, I am willing to give that up as well, all I need to know is the answer to my question.

He knew I was pouring everything out and I do mean everything from the very tips of my toes.

I had the very best nights sleep, I even slept through my alarm, I was in a very deep restful slumber, peace was mine and I am so thankful.

Some might think I have given up on things, but the way I see it, he has so much more for me, more than I could ever imagine.

All I have to do is CHOOSE his way.

As it says, ‘and all these things and more will be added’ so I don’t have a problem.

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I am in a battle, that I will win, my father said so.

I have touched on parts of my life so far, but the big one is here to be dealt with. Something that has plagued me so far, but not anymore.

I am sharing this because I don’t know you, but if what I have been through helps you, then God wins again. And because of that, I will open my heart for you. No cost is too great for the glory of God.

Set the scene: I lived in a house, where my father abused my mother & at times us kids. He was not the only one who dealt out the abuse. I never felt safe, I always feared for my life. Not a nice way to live at all, I have touched on how a member of my family is a pedophile and I know full well, we all had to survive, one way or another growing up. My older siblings never built you up, they always tore you down or behaved like your enemy. With that I grew up not trusting anyone, I always seconded guessed everyone, because I always knew the people around me, had their own agenda and I would pay the price.

So in life when I was in the world, I have chosen relationships and situations that were familiar and I knew how to handle, but eventually you have to face the one thing that has messed with your head and has been their only from a culmination of events. Events that I could not control at the time, but which, I decided not to continue.

Continuing on: What is that, DEPRESSION, the one word I hate, more than any other.

(I have tried all my life to laugh it off or keep on smiling, so people wouldn’t worry, or question what, because that would have opened up too much for me to handle, when I was younger. I remember once thinking,  I could have put actors to shame. Because I was never allowed to let anyone know, what went on behind closed doors, for the shame of it. So I made sure, I appeared to have no worries or concerns, but the opposite was true. My heart was belted into a pulp as a child, I remember having this cupboard in my mind and that everytime a hurt happened a bottle was filled, with what I felt and I was the only one with the key. The big ones I kept on the floor because I remember thinking if they break, I would too. The emotion was too much for me to handle, especially when I had no one to turn too or protect me.) Until he was their that day.

So I sit here today, a woman who seeks God, with all her heart and I know this is one thing, that the devil, uses this to mess me around. To bring up the past and to try, to mess with my future. But I am grown now and I know right from wrong, I will only have the very best.

And quiet frankly, I have had enough, I am not worthless, I am not left behind and I am sick of being lied too, by my thoughts.

I am me, the way I was made, perfect in his eyes, so shut up devil, get out of my life and mind. I am so so worthy, because he says so, the king of kings (my father), I am beautiful and I am not damaged goods, I am not on the shelf. I will prosper like no other, because I am doing it by his will. I will silence you, you have no power or authority, you have no conscience or guilt and it says you are done. So look out because I will finally be rid of you, I have a sword and shield in my hand, you will fear me, I do not fear you.

I will take on the gates of hell and prevail. My past does not dictate my future, but it has a bonus of giving me, so much strength that hell will tremble. I have a battle on my hands, but guess what, the good guy always wins and I am a WINNER.

Victory is mine and I take it with both hands.