Thinking back to my youth, the enemy used those who were suppose to love me the most tried to try and shut me down.

I was always thinking what I would have to do, to have people like me enough. Why did they always say I would never be worthy to be loved, or good enough for anyone, what an absolute LIE.

Getting ready for my trip to hospital it is apparent to me, I am OK just the way I am. My Landlords came and said, that they would help in anyway and then came back and mowed my lawn and trimmed the edges.

Friends from church are surrounding me, ready to offer assistance and the fabulous Jenny is taking time to do the hard part of taking me and picking me up, then making sure I behave. She is an absolute gem, Lord bless those who are there for me please father and help others to understand more and have empathy.

And my boss, even he is making sure I am OK, he has seen me struggle and I am very humbled by it all. To know that I am worth more than I realised, God bless them all.

What gets me is everyone I seem to come into contact with is so stressed and angry.

What happened to laughing at the enemy, as I said to someone yesterday. Stop the pity party, I am still breathing, get positive and laugh.

If I have the opportunity to pray for anyone while I am there then I am going too.

Maybe this happened for me to share my story and journey. As long as I don’t laugh hard and break a stitch, its all good.

I want to show them what he can do, I want to share how the enemy is at fault, own his accusations and repent, then move on. Do not let him hold you down by remembering and condemning you.

As I have said before, I am here for greater things, I always felt my name would appear in the pages of history.

I have nothing to fear…

Yesterday I went in for my pre-admission appointment, operation next week please keep me in your prayers Wednesday.

I am so single minded at times but I want to be out the other side. I am over this thing and its gotta go, its not that I don’t understand the situation. But I choose to believe my father, the last appointment was with the anaesthetic guy. I said to him I believe in the Lord and he was with me last time, he will be there again, I told him that he has saved me many times and I am not going anywhere. He smiled and said, its nice to hear someone who has faith and believes you don’t hear much of that anymore. So sad, but I will glorify my king, my father, my friend and the one and only. I am too far along in my life to care what people think, the only one I care about what they think is the King of kings.

I saw 6 different people and went to the vampires (its a family joke for blood) Yes your going to do this, yes I understand, No I do not agree that anything will go wrong.

I am the exception not the rule. I am my fathers daughter. Lets get this pain gone and recovery on its way.

Recently I put on facebook.

A rainbow is a sign of God’s promise.

A marriage is a covenant before God between a man and woman.

I vote NO because it is written.

I stand on this every time I am persecuted, why because I need to remind myself his word is true.

Its funny but I finally realised to flip the switch and the power has been given to me. Not the other way round, if I am put down, I stand straight up and stand my ground.

Took a while to make the link, but I finally have got it.

I sit here typing away, and my friend is saying, oh finally lol (laugh) We have a relationship that I treasure, I am never alone, the Lord is with me and my best friend.

Thanks friend, I treasure your presence and remember, you never have to ask, you have free entry into this home, for you always have a place to lay your head.

Much love…

I was reading over the post about my dream and came to a realisation.

In life we think we are so smart (but we are not), but I believe the enemy puts things in front of us before the Lord does, especially when it comes to a partner. To try and steer you from your destiny, because remember he read your book, so he knows too.

In my dream this woman had the appearance of everything he wanted, but nothing internal matched. The quality was missing, what is important to me is your heart and what you stand for, more than anything else.

That is the difference, the Lord will give you what you NEED, not what you want.

I believe a good marriage is one where you marry your conscience not the gift wrapping, thinking of it that way, isn’t the gift given better than how its wrapped? I have been married before and it was so very wrong, he was interested in the wrapping, we did not match at all and I knew I was doing the wrong thing, but could not go home and didn’t believe I could live life alone.

Think about this and pray, I know I have to watch when its my time…

Now this may not seem like a big thing to anyone else, but it is to me.

Having the Lord as my friend and telling him to make me ready for my husband has been, months of changes, to get this done for me, which I appreciate.

17 yrs ago something happened which has caused me to hide from life in a way, pain from intimacy stopped me in my tracks. I have used my weight, clothing and not paying attention to any details to discourage a male. Even acting like a bogan at times, like an idiot, yes I went that far.

The thought of giving my heart and then not being able to do what comes naturally with my husband really made me quiet sad (but I hid it well), and trust me telling someone and feeling it are very different things.

Well here I sit on the verge of getting relief, finally and I am excited, so as to my dream. Normally, I physically hit, rebuke or just say no, even while I am dreaming to any advances towards me.

So my dream was my breakthrough, a man & woman were looking at an apartment, the woman,  he was with was very strong, loud and dressed very smart and really took care of herself. I was there and could not get her to see sense as to why it wouldn’t work for them if they were to be together in the future, very unliveable plan two stair cases that took up a lot of living area. If your not logical, and the plan doesn’t work then I do not get it.

Anyway, the guy moved to a small room to measure, I went to the room and said to him, do you think that trying to fit in a relationship, is going to work down the line (you cannot force what is not right), yes I know she dresses lovely, but is she right for you, your trying to find things that are not there. I boldly said, I can be improved on, but what sets me apart is, I have a solid bases to build on. He noticed my chest and put out his hand, what got me is I didn’t flinch, I said to him, oh no, if you want me, you know what you have to do, you gotta put a ring on it.

In life any male even trying to hug me, I have flinched, bad habit I know, but when it follows in your dreams for many years it shocks, that change is happening and that its OK, to deserve to be loved and I will be able to give myself without pain.

So today is a very good day, because I am coming out of my shell. I will finally be able to look in the mirror and smile back at myself. I love smart elegant cloths, I started by buying a pink top which I am wearing today and make up omg. I must sound like I have been on another planet, but internally I have.

If anyone has been hiding because of a medical issue, I pray that the Lord grants you freedom from it and that you can live life as your meant to live it…

God bless

Last week when I was at prayer meeting I felt the Lord warn the young who rebuke us as christian parents, the ground will shake them to their core.

I believe this, because he said it, my son and daughter either wake up or fall down.

I love my son, and I have caved to him so he will love me, almost begging his love. Well I have woken up, I will no longer beg anyone to have the love I deserve.

I am so very worthy of all that which has been stolen from me, and as I said to someone, I am not going no where until all that the thief has stolen will be returned.

When I met our sales guy, I work part time at from home.

I believe in the Lord, even my boss said, don’t mess with her, she has connections.

He rebuked what was said, now also on the day the Lord said to me, he has an acid tongue in the work place.

The other day I got told he was really sick, and has something so old fashioned. Hmmm, why, I said, in my head I thought, just you wait.

You cannot mess with the Lord, this is serious and not a toy..

Your in, or your out.

Today someone visited and we discussed Diana and why the world mourned her death, because they felt unknowingly the separation between her and God. For she is now in hell, along with Michael Jackson and many others.

As I told someone the other day, its called eternal life, you either wake up to this fact or your out.