Sometimes we see ourselves differently to those around us.

We think sometimes we are so perfect, really.

This is dealing with me here, yes a work in progress but I have a friend who doesn’t realise. What she says to me, confronts me, yes at times I do not like it. But I know its with love, so I have to deal with it, when it happens.

Sometimes you want to say baa hum bug, but as I always say I am a work in progress that needs it all.

Todays msg was clear, if your under pressure then count it all joy. Because something is about to break out.

And something I forgot, that the enemy comes to steal your joy. I know he has been after me, but I am still here and I will have the victory.

By my fathers grace, my beginnings are small, but the end will be great.

I know we all need reminding from time to time. I know I do, sometimes I wish I had my husband to remind me and yes sometimes I think, do I?

Remember be careful what you wish for.

I need to laugh, I will try anything right now.

I am going to challenge you and me. GAME?

What is holding you back, what is your stronghold?

Mine mostly is my weight, no I am not mega huge, but rather cuddly. This has been my crutch in many ways, but time to CHANGE is here.

Sometimes its our minds, that is the major hurdle, we seem to be so smart, truthfully, not really.

My mind is what is in charge of my eating pattern and that is about to CHANGE.

I am at the end, I have no more justification. No more excuses or tears, I have had it with myself.

Challenge to see what can happen in a month. That’s not much really, just be conscious of what your thinking, how you think and how you react to that thinking. Simple!

I admitted last night that most of the time, I would eat myself to a point of feeling sick, so I wouldn’t have to deal with the other feelings.

Again, you idiot, Jesus is willing to assist and that’s the best help of all, so what am I DOING.

CHANGE and CHALLENGE is required, are you game to TRY???????

I have been to the very edge of what I thought, I could stand and I made it through.

Yes I do understand pressure, but what I also know is you are made of greater things. So breath and if you need to take a rest, but never take a cop-out.

I know what it is like to feel like your about to break into a million tiny pieces, you will make it through and come out the other side just like a car wash. You go in dirty and looking ragged, then you get slapped, hosed, treated etc and you come out the rinse end, gleaming.

Thank you father, for that analogy, isn’t he wonderful. Yes this blog isn’t just me writing but my father sitting beside me and guiding me every step of the way.

But I check to make sure it’s what he wants, I am not the most important here, He Is………..

Yes, more and more I am seeing the awesome strength my father has put inside of me.

It is for his benefit, I wish you could know how much your loved by him.

Like any parent, you love your children with everything you have. Then you get to a point and you must let them live there life the way they wish to choose. You can only direct them and hope that when they stumble, they learn and back up.

And one day surrender into what they are destined to do and be the best person that they are meant to be. If my children ever read this, it may shock them, why? because I don’t think they have ever really got to know my heart. Yes I have tried to share, but when your young you don’t really want to hear it.

But I sit here knowing that I love them, I pray that they one day will experience my father and that will be it for them. Then they will now how much they are loved, really what I am doing know is laying the ground work for them and there children.

Because what I do now will affect them, I live for my father but they are always in my heart. Whatever choices they may be choosing now, part of my heart is always with them.

That is why when I surrendered to my father, I knew my children would be safe. I can trust him with there lives and with this as I have said before I have been tested. But I am strong enough not to cave because, trusting in my father who knew there end from the beginning is all I need to do.

This week, wow. I had to learn a new data base and a website, all I can say is thank God for him helping me retain the information.

I am being stretched beyond anything I thought I may have been capable of. And I could only do it, knowing that my dad is with me.

I have been so touched this past week, my spiritual dad gave me a call (he is not a man to waste his breath, sounds a lot like me) when I needed it most. Now if you read my past blog’s then you know why, why this has such an enormous impact.

To have someone who you love and respect, fill a void that has been their all my life. Its the most precious gift I have been given, to date.

My love for what the Lord has given me goes beyond any words I can write, but it touches my heart with the greatest impact. He knows that I have surrendered to him and he fill every void that I had.

Getting to know my father (Jesus) intimately is my greatest treasure. Yes I have a way to go and I can never be perfect but I am so very willing to do and be what he needs from me.

I sit here with tears rolling down my face because I am trying to convey the overwhelming presence that he fills within me.

One thing I would love to conquer is to know the bible. How can one little book be so hard. But when it opens up like a childs pop up book it can be the most awesome read.

Actually that’s one thing I said to someone this week, the church I attend goes into what he is saying, what was written and the message the God wants us to hear today.

I need to share with you that I have just finished my course.

One year and one month later I am done.

I sat and cried, hell came against me but I would not surrender to it. I thank God for those praying for me and helping me with support.

I feel like I have climbed over Mount Everest and won. Challenges, OMG it has been a battle and much more.

But my father won, he wanted me to finish and finish I have, hallelujah and amen.

I can mail the print out tomorrow knowing I did my very best.

Father thank you, for just being with me and loving me along the journey.

One thing it doesn’t matter what health issue tries to stop you, you must push through glory is at the other end and its mine for the taking.

Remember, he never gives up and never runs out on me. He loves me and he loves you.

God Bless 11.40PM 8 July 2013

These last few weeks has highlighted what needs correcting in me.

One is procrastination, yes I have had to deal with this one. If it’s for someone else, I will do it immediately. If it’s for me, then I leave it.

The lord has highlighted to me that, I must do it immediately, I am important and must move when I am told. And I have said before, I have to learn the lessons just like everyone else.

Another one that not many people knew, was I didn’t think I was good enough. Now I know I am, but I have to believe it, there is a difference.

I felt a burden, that I caused the father pain, that he took my sin and illnesses on his body. when he was nailed to the cross.

The pain I have been feeling and the remorse has been overwhelming, but I know there is a reason for this. Last night, I cried out to him and said, how sorry I was for the pain I caused. I never want to hurt anyone, especially him. But as he always says to me there is a time and a season.

I realized that I was also including, what I had been trained to do, doubt myself. I was always told I was never any good, worthless you know the drill. So thinking like the Lord, I know he has chosen me, but I did not feel worthy.

So after a discussion (with a trusted friend), it has dawned on me that he sees ME. He knows me and believes in me, so I believe the father. Remove the old way of thinking and take on the new.

I am processing this and part of the reason for this blog is for me to read what I have written, it helps me to digest the keys and helps to down load this in my data base.

I am a work in progress, the key here is there is progress.

My father is trying so hard to teach this to me. Lord keep going do not give up on me.

I know I should have patience with those around me, but hooley dooley.

I use to jump down peoples necks when I finally found my voice. I use to get so upset at them, because to me their life was so easy, compared to what I had gone through.

One thing I absolutely hate doing is wasting time, I am yet to get over this hurdle. I have to let people jump over their own, and let it be. I am not the judge or executioner, if they don’t get it. I have to remember that is up to them, they will have no one else to blame on judgement day.

I am realizing this is what Jesus and my Pastors must feel like, they keep trying to fill us in, but some it goes in one ear and out the other.

One thing I am very strong about is honour, honour your word. Honour your time and honour most of all the Lord.

Pray for me if you please, need help with meekness but determined to get it.

I was discussing on one of my very quick blogs, that I was trying to get things up and running at home.

Well here I am, I feel like I been away a long time, but I really think that is because the old me has been going and I am getting to know the new.

Like I said I have been praying mostly from 12 to 3 am this watch is for marriages and is when most evil is at work, rapes etc, so I have been going into battle. Because I have had the time to do it, I have enjoyed my uninterrupted time with the Lord.

My last break through was when I was praying and all of a sudden I felt myself as a little girl, the one who had been hurt so badly. I forgave those who had hurt her and released them, I have to tell you things changed from then on.

Yes its is not completely done, but the biggest thing was to tell that part of myself it wasn’t her fault she had no control and from now on I stand as a grown woman. That I have the power to change what I do, I choose to become obedient to hasten the fulfillment of the preceding word.

The main thing here I CHOOSE not the devil, not the man down the street, but ME.

I am in the process of being purified and its been a struggle but their is always a better place when you make the change.

I am about to cross over, major things are about to take place and I will not be stopped.

The Lord wins again, yahoo.