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Its like starting from the right line

My life before was so ugly and just deeply disturbing.

Now, I feel like it was someone else’s life, I cannot make anyone understand the change within.

But what I know today is, its like being born again, starting on the correct line. What is great about it, I have knowledge, I have experience and I have a determination that will win my father’s race.

I have filled bags of cloths, I cannot face them, they are not going back on this body. I look at things with such different eyes. And I am so overjoyed, today I was chatting to someone I use to work with and I burst into tears.

You see, many years ago, I was prophesied over and told at the time, my life was not supposed to be like this, but Jesus is going to give you the key to unlock the door.

The door to your life, the one he has especially for you. This I forgot, on Aug 13 when condemnation was removed and that door shattered, it was the key, I was promised.

How absolutely touching and special, now I want all that was spoken over me, I am so determined and strong. I am brilliant, and loved by my father.

I am going to do what he requires of my path in this life, so when I said ages ago, that my name will be written in the pages of history, I now see why.

Yahoo, let’s go, I am ready and willing, because I trust him with all I have and all I am.

My joy is to know and to feel, that he really LOVES ME…

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I feel reborn

I was telling someone the other day, I wanted desperately to get out of the way I felt, but didn’t know how.

I felt I was always in this dark black hole, and that I did not belong their.

Yes I was scared of not knowing what life could be, but I knew I trusted his process of getting me there.

So, I am made knew, by the love Jesus had for me when he sacrificed himself on the cross.

I AM REBORN into the kingdom of Christ and so happy.

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I know I have broken through

Today I quickly regretted going out without checking myself, but hey it takes time and money to get back on deck.

I saw a sibling, that always dress’s well, but looks down the nose at others. I saw, the person stop turn look at what I was doing and give a stern look and turn and left the shop.

All I said was, “cranky woman” I am not condemned by what they may think. I know where I stand, and very soon I will dress how I feel inside.

Once I get my hair done, eyebrows and its a few degrees warmer, I will shine like the sun.

The enemy holds nothing over me, cloths are starting to fall off my butt and I am excited for what is to come.

I will never look down on anyone, for it is not my place, my father loves everyone, but he also gives them a choice, a choice to choose.

I am running my own race here and I love where I am at, I have moved into the light and I am warming up.

I pray all are blessed by my positive words.

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Everyday I notice the difference

Yesterday I took a break, went to Bunnings and noticed, before the thought of going out was a big mental battle.

Who will see me, what will they think, watch the face movement, pick up on what they are saying by not saying anything. Try and make it seem OK, that you are dressed a little better than a bag lady etc etc etc.

The enemy kept telling me things like, do you really think you should go, are you really worth it, can you spare the money, your this your that, all the time.

Yesterday I went out and thought NOTHING, but wanted it to be a little warmer, I have nice cloths but just not ready to wear.

But watch out, this little duck is coming back into life, I am so excited I cannot even explain what its like to not be condemned for everything I or others have done.

And bags of cloths are in the car, ready to drop off and give to others, yipee. Before I would have just kept everything, not anymore.

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The new ME

Since condemnation has been removed, its like I have awakened, not knowing that I was even asleep.

Before, you have no idea, my head kept me hiding from day to day activities. A simple trip to the shop, would take a lot of mental effort to plan where I would go and what I would do.

Normally, I would pick something plain, because I would say to myself, pretty stuff is for others, not me.

The other day I saw a doona cover, it was pink and had big flowers on it, now to many this would not seem anything big. But its like, I am learning about the new me, the hidden me that I never knew before.

I feel like a rose, that was in a hard, closed down bud, but now I have bloomed and its the most beautiful feeling.

This could not have happened if it was not for my trust in the father, I said to him many times, I know it will hurt at the time, but it needs to be done. So when you feel its right, please, I give you authority to do, what needs to be done.

And how wonderful is he, to know I had come to the end of what I could tolerate inside and give him full rein.

 

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He makes you aware, when your paying attention

My daughter had some news, I am not moved, just ready to fight.

So today I shared, what she had to say at prayer meeting. Anyone want to add, I stand for her, when she cannot.

So the words of how to get it, I moved into getting it done and moved it out. How inspiring, timing, action and belief.

He is going to show her, how he works and she will be as strong as her mother, because we are of the DNA of God the father, and Jesus the son.

YAHOO, happy dance time…

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Getting even more excited

Since last week, people have noticed, my eyes are open, they see a brightness.

And I feel taller and lighter, the hunger for food that is not the best is gone. Before I would eat a box of ice creams and look for more in one go. I bought a box to see, took 5 days to get rid of it and I really had to push, not buying anymore.

I spoke to my daughter, I told her about my experience and I hoped it would inspire her.

Before I was in a washing machine, that kept washing the dark pile and I could not get onto spin and dry myself off.

I would wear track pants down the street because I didn’t care or used the excuse of my hernia that does not like tight pants, or about my appearance, hair, eye brows etc etc.

Since Monday, I feel so undressed, I want to hide, even at home. I now want to put on the nice things that are in my wardrobe, omg I am so looking forward to the warmer weather. I need money fast too get my hair done, etc etc.

I am excited more and more, oh Lord I am so very humbled and grateful for everything you do.

And you know I am all for whatever you need to do and need of me….

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Get excited, and take another step

I love the Lord with all I am, why, he broke the hold over me.

We are told we have to surrender our lives to him, which I did, but there is another level.

I had a wall, I would get to a point and this dark over shadowing wall was impenetrable, until Monday.

This came to the surface, I knew I had something that seemed so impossible, but didn’t know how to get rid of it.

I had to willingly, TRUST.

The Lord looked at me with those beautiful eyes and such concern, I looked at him and said, “Just do it” with him beside me, I know I can do anything.

I made noises that I cannot repeat, I felt this thing loosen, tentacle by tentacle. It was dark, hungry and mean.

I was shaken from from toes through my calves, and it was taken out. I trusted those around me, God’s gorgeous red head and I knew I needed to show evidence of his power of LOVE.

Before, I was so scared of meeting my husband and screwing him up and our marriage etc.

Now, I wear a ring, when I put it on, I felt I was honouring my husband to come and showing that, I feel like I love him already. (Remember I had been married before had children to someone else and never loved anyone, I had a barrier of protection).

I am now free, trust the right time will come for you. Trust in the process, trust that you are worth it all.

God bless.

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Impulse, where did that get ya…

For the last few weeks the Lord has pressed upon me about impulse.

Now, when I was little, you were not given a lot of yes’s, but taught to hold on and appreciate a yes, when it came.

Now, impulse it seems is rife, kids get most of what they want and even adults, flash the credit card and get what they want.

When did living within your means stop, when did, you worked hard for the harvest and then put away for the winter. This comes to money also, you should be able to put some away, so when bills come in you have money to pay them.

We somewhere flipped a switch and go on about our day, like in a haze.

What happened, I believe the enemy came in slowly, think about it. Ads tell us if we don’t have a big house or everything new, or dress our kids in fashion, we somehow are not worth anything.

What the… sorry but let kids be kids, best cloths are for best. Don’t spare the rod to spoil the child. It says it in his word, I don’t want a big house, more to heat and cool, more on the rates, more water and would that really make me happy, hell NO.

So bring back the basics, I love the KISS principle, never hurt me and now I am so very thankful for all the training I have had to endure, because it made a real woman out of me.

I have no desire to spend a fortune on nails or cloths or trying to be someone else, I was born exceptional and I do not have to fit anyone.

Only be his bride and all will fall into place, the way its suppose too.

My daughter as an example, impulse got her inside and locked up. Not so good is it, but the enemy is defeated. No longer will he have any place in my DNA, because my father won the victory for me and her.

While she is in there she has time, to learn to trust the true father, and I say AMEN.

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Dear Hubby

Dear future husband
I had a feeling so strong to write to you.
I may be a harder nut to crack but don’t give up.
I love yellow flowers and snow white freesia’s.
Please don’t buy me any man made items, you will need to learn about my allergies. And honey, you gonna have to like the shade of green I love.
kindness touches my heart.
When it comes to being close, I am a very private person and I really dislike embarrassment, privacy is key to our start.
Words are great, but actions speak loud and clear to me.
And when I may seem tough, trust that I know what is happening or going too. Protection has been a reflex, many years in the making and seeming to be tough is part of that.
So when I finally meet you, a joke or a laugh can be part of that reflex, but dig a little deeper. God knows we are each others match and trust why he will put us together, in his right time and season….
xxx B