I was thinking of my mother and how she would stop anyone by being a constant lecturer, to make them do what SHE wanted.

She had her way of thinking and that was that, she could not or maybe would not put herself in others places.

And from that, I learned how to ruffle her feathers, what her triggers were when I was young and as a grown woman, I admit it.

I remember the day I made a choice to love her and her mind set, I said to her that she always wanted a friend when she was pregnant with me. But when I chose to disagree, it was like setting light to a flame.

When she calmed down, I reminded her of her words and then backed up my, WHY. Mum I love you, for all you have done, but you did your best with what you knew, and I am not accusing you, because I agree we are a dysfunctional family, you may think it is still OK to lecture me, but as an adult, please respect if I make another choice, and it comes out the wrong choice, it is NO REFLECTION on you.

It is my decision and I thank you for your point of view, but as your daughter, trust, you have put in the ground work and I am honest, I am trustworthy and I know how to hold myself in any crowd. My home, clean or messy is because, it is now OK, the old man is not here to hurt us anymore, we can leave it and no one is to judge us.

This took great strength on my part, but there were times, I could get through and before she died she thanked me and said those lovely words, “you know I love you, I really do” and for being my friend.

So if someone is ruffling your feathers, maybe there is something like my mum that you are missing. We all do it at certain times and it takes a soft voice to get through, control is an illusion anyway, he is the only one in control.

This is for someone, not sure who…