When I was young, my brothers faults were felt. But I watched my mother, take on his faults and excuse him, over and over.
She was trained as a child to think, she was less because she was female and anything they did to her, was expected because they had a right.
Until before she died, that phone call sometimes comes back and I do shed a tear. Because, it took till he did something that broke her, as she said, “If I tell you, you will KILL him”.
You see, my dad (boy that was hard to write) would belt with closed fits and rape her and mentally assault her all the time. He had a sexually transmitted disease but was also a spoilt boy, which grew into a spoilt man.
But his wrongs become my mothers burden, when his mother should have whacked him.
As I grew, I married another spoilt boy, sick is a very light description. But his faults, his mother blamed me. Again, what the heck, take off the rose coloured glasses.
Then I met my children’s father, yes never married, as I said, I have lived in the world and I am not perfect, but I will go onto perfection. I met him, I dressed well and was a size 11-12, little by little I lost me, I gained so much weight because of words, cutting words and became a size 22. And his mother blamed me for his mistakes, and her husbands mistakes, she took on to her death bed.
So these past weeks I saw the side of my son, I do not like. A dishonouring son, a son I stood up for and was lied too, a son that I should have blamed and I took on his faults.
As to why this post, when do you take the hat and wear it. My hat is mine, but yours is just that, YOURS. So I post this, because the father is showing me the light and I see now, I go before him for forgiveness and to put in me the strength to stand strong for him.
I will no longer, wear anyone else’s hat. I am not your REFLECTION, that is what you see, but I am not the enemy, I am not in the wrong.
Maybe, just maybe it is YOU….
This post is meant for growth and change.