His love is never ending

How I am overwhelmed by his love, time and time again.

You see, I have been on a roller coaster called life. As I have said before, “when I go quiet, I have been dealing with things”.

But all in all, his love keeps me.

It comforts me, it covers me, it does all and more, for me.

Recently I had to vote, and I wanted to cry, someone said the world is wanting the man, not the one god chooses and I keep thinking, how blind are those in the world.

The world is in for a shock, my mum always voted liberal, I am the same, but what it comes down to it is this, what do they do, not what they promise to do. It is like a gift, its not the biggest or the one wrapped the best, it’s the gift inside, you have to see, that truth, that reality.

In life your given a cross road, a choice to make, and it comes about, to decide your end.

Someone recently said about certain people saying, there is no hell. I came in with this, does it not say, “Jesus went and took the keys back from hell”, and when he says, “depart from me, for I never knew you” on judgement day, where the hell, do you think, they end up.

You see so many, have an experience with the father and then go off track, I said to the same person about my experience when I was young, this happened just after I heard my father’s voice, for the first time.

I was in that same paddock and I heard an Indian accent, which said this to me, “I will make you famous, if you give me your soul”, I quickly said, “NO”. Why, because I knew the value of what I had experienced, you hear people say to write a book, but who are you writing it for.

Your fame, your recognition, your finances?

To say, they know no child these days that would, say no to fame. But I found, the hell I lived in, I knew that when you get something wonderful, nothing compares, NOTHING.

So when I see young singers, I see sadness, they have so called friends, who are they really, if you had no money and really needed them, would they be there, with truth.

I often think, they would not, so instead of the world, I chose my father, because that choice as a child, that I made.

It is my most treasured possession, to nurture and grow…


The truth will set you free

My father has been bringing remembrance of things done against me and my children.

One thing that has recently stuck in my craw is this, my sons name.

When I was pregnant, my mother talked with regret about how she wanted to use a certain name for a boy, I knew a little about her past and how she suffered abuse, over and over.

I liked the name and knew I would use it, to bless her and bring her comfort and she loved my son. Then I had to choose the middle name, now my mother’s first child was killed by a repeat drunk driver, her loss never left, when it showed, my heart hurt for her.

Every year on that date, my mum and his best friend, shared the time together and it never hit me, until I asked why, he only turned up once a year.

So when my son was about to be born, I asked my mum if it was OK. I remember the happiness in her voice, I did ask her about his sisters response, my mum use to be really blunt and her statement was this, “It is none of her damn business, he was MY son, she thinks that she can rule over everyone, well this is my decision and use it” I even asked about his first name and using that. I remember her saying, that which ever I chose would be OK and that the fact I asked, why I chose his names was respectful and she appreciated it.

But my son, will not use his middle name, why because of that someone, who gets in your head to make them feel superior and you less than and gets you thinking they are right and your wrong.

Well, this is the truth and I put it in print:

(Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.)

I know who reads this, and its time for me to stand…

The realization of a gift

The other night I was watching Masterchef Australia, one thing the guest chef said was this, “someone who uses their hands, mind and heart is a true artist”. And he can count on one hand, a few true artists he knows.

And I was driving a friend around yesterday, I was telling her this, she told me that, that was my gift, I was a true artist.

When I do something, I use all I have, I am always saying to people of this world, I am very practical and logical, because they could never understand or come close to know, how I function.

As I have said before, when I look at my hands, I see my mothers, I remember the way she would touch something as she cooked and prepared. How when knitting how key movements showed, how she was thinking etc.

When I worked in admin, and this little word does not come close to what I achieved. I could pull on my heart, my empathy, my head being able to plan something front to back, back to front and use my hands, when I painted a painting to put into the boardroom to save money for the office.

I remember many times surprising my boss, but many times he did not know the many ideas were from me, because others didn’t share that information. My gift was always in my mind from my father, the one, the only, because he knew that I was learning to do admin for him, which I do as required.

Many times my thoughts are taken back, why because I think he wants me to realize, I had them all along, I just didn’t think my voice would be heard or anyone would notice the artist in me.

I have a many gifts, inventions, ideas, because I am my fathers daughter. My access is abounding, because of his love for me, surprising myself and others all the time.

But finally accepting, that I can stand up, for my voice to be heard and now I want to find a way, to use my gifts to come out of financial hardship and into abundance.

Never forgetting, that it is from him and for him…

How you must keep listening

Last week I had to put my cat down, he was 14 years and 8 months.

What struck me was city a vet is very concerned, I was concerned because of the urgency, because of his pain. And yes I stayed there and patted him until he had gone, so I was the last smell and gave him comfort, it was very quick and I cried but I am also very practical when it comes to these things.

I have been talking with the Lord on and off, because something was bugging me and I had to go quiet and get through it. I was doing the absolute minimal, why because someone said something and it didn’t sit well with me.

As a child I heard things differently and sometimes still do, my mum use to ask me at times what did I hear, because of a certain look on my face. I remember after that time I was broken and first heard his audible voice, things are not as they seem to be. And he was my father from that day forth, it put a knowing in me, that he was my friend and father.

When people talk, I hear a broken sentence, I hear the words they are not speaking and I see the light shine on poignant keys to the truth. It is not like I am putting any words in their mouth, I am just seeing the tree, not the leaves or the bush, as the saying goes.

I watch birds, animals, my garden and it all in a way, talk, but what I keep yelling in my head is? Are we listening, I have heard trees clap, not all at once but as I have moved past them, it is like they have joined in.

The Lord has been showing me, people who have used me and how I let them get away with it, I was reading the bible and it was like the words, became a loud voice over the speaker, “vengeance is mine”. I know anything I say, will only fuel the fire, so instead I leave it to him. Because when it is right, he will bring justice.

I was also reading and read about wisdom and understanding, “call wisdom your sister and understanding your kin”. This little sentence or statement brought me so much love to my heart, that I physically felt it. Because I know, that a sister such as wisdom is not out to harm me, but will do everything for me, with pure love.

Sometimes we listen with our ears, sometimes with our eyes, sometimes with our hearts and spirit. But what keeps me here, is to keep going, I am honest enough to say, I lack motivation.

But, as the song lyrics say, “your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me” and even through it all, he has been the one to bring me through and its all done with love.

So, if you need a moment, always remember to stay in, even if its with a toe and know, nothing happens in your life without him there. Even as we may stumble, he lets it happen, because he has seen our life, a life which he gave us, so finish well and know your blessed.

Bringing things forward

It always amazes me, when he brings thoughts to your mind & life shows you its time to speak up.

Many thoughts recently have been to do with my son, how he would try and be smart a, or cheeky to get his own way. And because my daughter was so full on, I missed the boat on correction.

I remember many years ago, he made a comment about, once he went back to the country how he expected me to follow, like a submissive sheep.

That comment played on my mind, who does he think he is, for one. How does he see me, what got me was he didn’t see me as a person, but an unworthy thing.

Now this thought brought on a lot of heat, because the word says, “no good man, should be without a woman” remember this line. So talking about all male ruled churches, and the secrets that have caused children, unwed mothers so much pain, even now.

So, when I keep thinking, are there, NO GOOD MEN, or are they hiding behind their skirts. I am not putting all in one basket here, but think about it. They stand on the word, as a convenience, but do not live the word.

And the word is all the world sees, what has got me as a woman and I will roar is this. Men have made the rules, that if we stand up for ourselves, we are emotional, erratic etc etc. Well men, I don’t see you strong enough or chosen to give birth, deal with life and still be a woman with dignity ETC.

I go back to Adam and Eve, she got the blame, WHY, but he stood there as well, he tried the forbidden fruit, as well didn’t he.

I think about the grand architect of my life, yes I refer to him as a he, but I believe he is neither, thinking of the earthly form, he is much more, than we could ever wrap our heads around, so why try.

I see good traits in both men and women, who are a cut above the others and work really well together, to keep each other on track, and you need it. Someone famous said something sensible once, the reporter was asking about a good marriage, he said “I married my conscience” he married someone to keep him in check, but also someone who complimented his good traits.

If I brought those to justice, who have wronged me, I would have to go through the mill, so I choose to leave it to God. Because I know, in the world, instead feeling I have lost, before anything has begun, because I am female and the first thing, as I was told by my accuser, you did it, its your fault.

And this again, has played on my mind, going back to thoughts of my mother, she copped a lot, because she searched for honest love and did not find it and was a victim instead.

I am one that would stand up, but what has got me is, how through time we have been considered weaker, because we are physically or emotionally not equal.

Who says, I am not emotionally equal or even superior, now don’t take this as a big head statement, just putting it forth.

When you give birth, if that don’t give you power, nothing will, with my son I only had gas, with my daughter, I only had one injection for my lower back. Because I knew, once that pain hit, what I had to do, so I embraced it, worked with it and out they came.

I believe we all have traits that are a blessing, we have strengths and weakness’s, but why are we so hell bent on pin pointing our sex. Why is it such a factor, why can we not just be the person we are.

When I worked in the city, I was the fat, old christian at the front desk, who was a laugh, someone to poke fun at and run down. Really, I stood back and let my father do his correction, and time and time again he did.

But only once did the boss really see me, as he went past me, he said “your not as dumb as you make out”, that has stuck in my memory. Why, because for a split second he saw me, not my weight or gender or anything else, he saw me. And yes I played up to it, because I thought to myself, if they want it, then play their game, they think there superior, but not really, just unintelligent on reality.

So, if ‘no good man should be without a good woman’, why does the world think, they have it right.

Instead of what the father sees, just ME.

Acting for a lifetime

When I was little and living in an horrendous environment, my mothers words.

“Just make out, everything is fine, put a smile on your face, and don’t talk about it”, sorry mum but you got it wrong. Yes, I realized years ago, why she had told me that, for she lived it, to cope with what happened to her. But boy, I was going to change the course, I was going to be the one, who stops this familiar sick control, and with my dad I have.

So from age two, I kept making out things were fine, no one ever saw or heard the pain, screaming on the inside.

And this affected my life and the way I mothered my children, it is only now, that I know the truth.

But it does come when its time, when things change, anointing takes place, I remember being water baptized and thinking, nothing happened, I was expecting amazing things and I got nothing.

Someone I worked with said to me, why, weren’t you already done, I told her, when your christened its your parents choice, when your baptized, its YOUR CHOICE.

But I kept in my mind, that day in that paddock, the words he said to me, the day I knew someone cared enough, to stand for me, and that he would look after me. It was that day, I got a dad, lately I have been saying to people, many people can father a child, but few are fathers. Like a doctor, many are qualified by a certificate, but few are real doctors.

Think about it, when my dad came into my life, I knew, his discipline, I had to accept, because it was right, when everything around me was so wrong.

I went through scenarios of life and felt nothing, because, when you acting your not living. Your just doing, going though the motions, but it does not touch you.

I no longer act, it feels to me, I lived a life that was a lie, my only thing chatting to my dad is this, it took 53 years, I need to make some things up and we need to make them happen, NOW. Yes, I know hes listening, I know that he knows, what ever he decides I will willing accept.

But dad, its time, all that has been stolen and you know what I am talking about, it is definitely time.

For I am in the right place, right head space and just right.

How freedom feels

It is amazing, this freedom I feel.

Before as I have said, everything was a task, I had this hold, that I could not step forwards in anyway, because.

I have also said before, give yourself over totally, surrender all of you, every last bit. For it is only when you grant him access, can the anointing take place to break the yoke.

And this is interesting, because, I kept seeing egg yokes and did not know why.

I ask, then wait, I tell him what I want, I ask him as my father to know more than me and what ever he decides, I am at peace with that.

I have held on for dear life, knowing my first testimony, knowing how precious that gift was. And then knowing, I trust him, and that I am ALL IN.

I do sometimes debate with him, and he shows me, I hear him laugh, but he knows my heart, he knows who I am and he freed, ME.

I think of all the people, trying to get knowledge, to know more than others about the word, but I see it dead in them.

You see, to me, his words are not only on paper, I live them. I have been a good steward, I have been careful to make sure, every word hits home, because his living word is my breath and it should be, how I live.

Like the prayer, Our father who art in heaven, OUR FATHER, mine and yours, he is alive, he is living and he is in us.

For without him, this I know, I would not be living. My wealth is the love between him and I, not going off in haste, to be wise in what you do and the gift of seeing things, that others cannot.

My life is transformed and I am still getting rid of things, many avenues to remove things that are no longer withholding me…

Freedom reigns.

Being scared to take a chance

This is something new, let me give you my explaination.

Before, I use to do things, even cook for others and as long as, I did not think it over, I could do it.

But if I did, the uncertainty, anxiety, doubt would flood in, you see I have had brilliant ideas, inventions, abilities and never been able, to take the chance to dive in and know that I could do it.

So, I have sat on the side line and never taken that chance, being afraid of what if, what a waste of opportunity, but I believe, my father knew where I had to be.

What, had to happen, as I use to say, the grand architect has my plans, I just need to go with it and know, that he has got me.

So now, I feel the whole world is my oyster, I just need to adjust to the real me and trust him to lead me in the right direction and I feel a boom coming, just waiting for me.

I love my father so much, no one I have read about or met, has had this experience. And for him putting me in the right place to do so, is awesome.

Everyone who knows me, have said you look different, because the real me, the one the enemy hidden, is finally revealed.

Glory to the Lord on high

How change is a good thing

As you may have read a certain date, the miraculous happened and since then….

I feel like a baby, learning how to do things all over again.

Walk, talk, think, feel, and dealing with just the day to day, it is all new.

So, when it happens, give yourself the time, time to adjust, I don’t know how long it is going to take. But I will not disregard such an experience.

Its funny, what was acceptable before, is no longer and my head is trying to figure it out, it is like a split from a mother at birth, your somehow aware of the event, but the new way to live, has to be learned, with each new day.

Thank you father, now is the season for Bronie, hallelujah

Given knowledge

Years ago, when I worked at a certain place. The guy who sat behind me, he was questioning me about my beliefs, now this would not be a big thing to most people, but when you start to question the love of my father, its on like donkey kong.

I was getting more and more inspired and got up to move to the photocopier, then I looked up as I saw gold coin shaped drops of oil, falling down on me and I felt them.

Closest to what I saw, then..

I just realized was, that it actually was for me, back then, and even before, that wonderful date to remember, it all seemed like, it was for others.

But now I know, now I know it was especially for me, because of the relationship with him and when you truly love someone, you will stand up for them, when the time calls for it. And that day, that was what I did, exactly.

Our father, OUR FATHER, who loves us, who saved a wretch like me, who was lost, he found me. He has been there, ever since that day in the paddock and it was only me, limiting him, by not knowing and refusing to follow a religious system, that was nothing like, what happened to me, that wasted time.

When it happens, so much more than anything else on earth, your world starts to change, it is only when your ready (right time, right season) right maturity, that it happens.

When what happens, the big change, the true surrender, for I was speaking to someone yesterday and said these words, “so many want to control in their lives, because of what may have happened, or out of fear of the unknown, but when you give it up, he gives you the world & more”.

So who is limiting who, I no longer limit him, yesterday, with what I wore, proved that to me and him. I stood up, I stood tall and instead of feeling uncomfortable, I felt at peace and that is worth more to me, than all the money on earth…

Hallelujah and Amen… take that to the bank yeeehaa