I realised something that has been bugging me, why had this happened to my life, what caused me to end this way. A little reflection time, well here goes trying to explain what I mean.
When I was young, I spent as much time on my own as possible, to stay safe and keep out of harms way.
But realised, I was blamed a lot that was not mine to own, and it has had an affect, but stops now.
For someone else’s actions sick mind, even though the person was 5 years older than me – LIAR. For the eldest loving my fun personality and that I was little and cute, so your jealousy caused division – LIAR. That I was like them – LIAR. I was there to be messed with – LIAR. Safety of mine so I had to get out – LIAR. My fault anything to do with my kids – LIAR.
What I am getting too, not filling in it to a degree, is that I have been blamed for many things. And the males through my life have got off Scott free.
Well I am not the one who had a bad mind, I am not the one who’s attitude is wrong. I am not the one, who did nothing to build up the children. I am the one who did as much as I could the right way even though I admit to my mistakes.
I have to say when someone is 5-13 years older than you and blame you, when you have no idea, is just fobbing off there own errors, and well I am taking a stand.
Why, my father showed me, that is why I am now fat. When I was happy I was fit and a size 11, words crumble your self confidence. When I was pregnant I was called fat etc, when I was creating a life and should have been celebrated.
Every time I had tried to rise, the enemy shot me down. And the last was my son, who blamed me saying, “you always want to be the centre of attention” those words are bitter, twisted and again a lie. If he only knew what I had to deal with, he might get his fat heart healed.
Well now, I got your number, enemy. I am now standing up, you are done. I am writing this because of, not only the magnitude affect, but the subtly the effect can come onto your life.
I am angry, but in a good way, because it fires me up. I must be in line for something great when the enemy has tried so hard to stop me.
Lets end on a good note, because when your aware, things can change.
And mark this one, I am VERY AWARE.