Being a mum has been my biggest test, and the saddest at times.

I had to be really bold and blunt and have not received any response. I hated doing it, but knew this was my last shot at it.

I feel so very tired and drained and have become quiet short with others, who did not deserve it.

It would be OK I suppose if I had family or a hubby to fall back on, but I have only the father. And sometimes that feels such a wonderful place but also a very lonely place.

As I just typed that, I saw a kaleidoscope of colours, he reminded me of the poem, footprints.

Yes, I get it Lord but please, its time, I do not understand why, I am where I am, I do trust you with the outcome, but it gets really hard.

I sat in front of someone the other day and lost it, cried and I was embarrassed but so desperately required. I don’t like to cry in front of my friends, I hate to burden them with my journey. I know they have other matters and family who need them.

I know when it comes, I will be so blessed its not funny, but right now, I just need to let it go. I am sharing this moment to maybe help someone else, to know we all have times when we need a good cry and to just surrender.

I trust in the plan that the holy spirit has, I am just having a moment. I am a work in progress and human after all…

Be blessed.