Find the good its there

I have been thinking about this blog and what I am trying to say. I have yet to get it organized and the way I would like, but I have to write. It’s like when I have to paint, yes I do art for fun or when prompted, it feels like a release in a direction that I was never aware of  (never knew I could, what a surprise that was).

Anyway back to subject at hand, I notice people sometimes, there are the ones that do the, Oh poor me, the whiners, the skeptics etc etc. You know where I am going with this, but who made your day today, what good did you find from a complete stranger?

Food for thought! ok now I have your attention, I have had days were I just wanted to let everything go and have a cry session (this is quiet rare at times). And I have, but then when I have exhausted myself I think to myself what can I do or find good out of this? So then I pray to the father, “Lord this hurt and I have had a moment but I need you, help me find the positive out of it”.

Sometimes you need help, other times he is quick and gives you the answer, before you have thought of the question. I find him very mindful of me, even down to the little things (which touches my heart greatly).

Recently I wrote about something that happened without going into detail. So far what I have learnt is how strong I have become in trusting him.

I use to be a person who was very dramatic and I could cry at the drop of hat, I felt weak and powerless, even depression sunk it’s claws in at the time, that battle is being won.

I am sure people who use to know me would be absolutely blown away by the change in me, it’s not about age, no amount of years can give you this only he can. I am no longer a dweller, or a poor me or even a reaction of, I need to have a sleep, try to hide or turn off the world.

God is very mindful to give me songs that I have heard or sing on Sunday. I love this, last week it was the same as now it goes like Holy spirit send your fire down, going over and over in my head, also has I yield my mind, I yield my heart, I yield my life to your spirit oh Lord. I will find out what it is for you, its good because it keeps your mind active on one thing, what he is trying to tell you. Something will come out of this that will blow my mind, sometimes I have to wait so I will get back to you.

Yes sometimes things are hard but gold is never moulded without heat and fire. And another is a diamond is only formed under great pressure.

I have a friend and sister in the house who earlier this year had a stroke, I don’t think anyone I know panicked or thought why. We went into action my focus and thought was about her rehab when she was home, so being one who has to be practical I thought of her front garden it’s small but boy did I work hard to make that happen, all weeds at the time.

Back on course (I have a habit of diverting so bear with me) she text me, near the end of the conversation she said how she felt trapped in her body, her arm and left side was affected for a time. I said to her God sometimes steps back, things happen to make us “what we are yet to become“. I told her she is destined for greater things, family and life can divert us sometimes and we need a check. I knew when this happened and I kept telling her husband this is her miracle, yes it will be a battle but without doubt it’s hers for the taking. She is astounding everyone, she is an awesome person and so loved by everyone.

And yes she loves the garden, so do her neighbours.

Books that have impact

Sacred Marriage image     At the moment I am reading Sacred Marriage by Gary L Thomas.

I was online looking at books etc and this stuck out at me so from God’s prompting I bought it.

When it arrived I was very excited, been married before in the world before my walk with him began. I thought I knew a lot, well I don’t.

Reality check, time. I started reading and I can’t tell you the amount of times I have put it down because BAM it stops me in my tracks. Me a person who can read a book in a day or so, it’s been three weeks and I am only very close to 3/4 the way through.

What I mean is you think your ok, that you know what to do and how to treat people.

We never ever stop growing and learning, we are a work in progress.

What I love is, I was prompted to get this book to face myself and see where I went wrong before.

I remember once looking at my backyard (years ago) and their were pots, frying pans that I would pitch in absolute frustration. Yes I was immature and extremely bad-tempered, thank God he is changing me. (I married to get out of home, my words at the time. “If I have to marry the devil I will to get out of here”).

You know you have to watch what you say, words have power, yikes. (Long story) But it all went very very wrong rather quickly and I am not innocent here either.

Anyway thankfully I am on the right road, I know he is preparing me for what he has. Whether that be a husband to come or not,  I was a captive audience one day and I heard the words “how can you be someone’s bride if you cannot be a bride of Christ”. That was then my goal to be his, then if he blessed me all well and good but it is not my main focus.

But if your thinking of marriage or if your lucky enough to be, do yourself a favour and have a read.

But be prepared, it might hit where it hurts, but if you grow from this, what a bonus.

Book was purchased online from Koorong bookshop Melbourne

What I received

Yesterday was a challanging day to say the least, I cannot go into it for privacy issues but another test as a mum.

Some would look at what happened as an OMG moment, but I CHOOSE God over and over again.

The devil tried again and God won. I know this is skirting around what happened.

But I chose to hand something to him, lock stock and barrel. Something on the inside of me rose up and said no, this will not defeat me.

When something that would rock someone else’s world, not mine because I CHOOSE to find some joy somewhere somehow. There is nothing I can do that HE cannot do better. I have learnt not to interfere but trust him fully. I have found a place of refuge when things happen because he is my strength my sword and shield. It says it in black and white, oh father let the world see your awesome beauty and know you are their God.

What I received was peace, knowing he has it in hand. The grand architect with my blue print for my life layed out in front of him, all I have to do is be willing to follow his instruction. I do it boldly and with love for him, he has never let me down before and never will.

It’s looking through his eyes not the way we have been trained to see.

Have a blessed day.

A Brilliant trip

Setting the scene: My mother asked me one day, what do you want to do when you grow up.

My jaw dropped I remember saying to her “are you nuts we don’t know if we are going to be alive tomorrow” my house was very violent at times.

She just smiled and laughed at me, she knew what I meant. So she asked again, “I remember the feeling inside of me, I knew nothing was more sure in the world than the words about to come out of my mouth.

“I don’t know, but what I do know is this thing that is over this family, I will be the one to break it” now you have to understand in a real sense I did not know the magnitude of what I had just said.

My mother said what do you mean? Boldly I said, this vial, disgusting sexual abusive thing, I will destroy it”.

Ahead to a wonderful conference last year before I left for 3 days of fun with God, I picked up a friend to come with me.

She got in the car and driving along, I said to her “I am going to break this thing” I had to explain the comment, she was in agreeance with me.

I went along wondering when and how, well the very last night we started prayed we were told to push, I am a person that does not have to be told twice.

I went for it, I cried out and repeated over and over Lord I surrender to you, all of me I am yours. Then rip, it felt like someone had grabbed my skin and ripped it off. I was bent over with the enormity and pain of what happened.

I said to myself what the hell was that, then I got my answer “it is done”. I felt clean and new, that thing has now been removed. Every generation that comes after me, will be free.

Isn’t he wonderful how he works, you just have to be willing.

What led me to him

My best saying is “you never know, unless you have a go” we are usually the ones who put up road blocks the devil puts doubt in so you don’t become the person he has destined you to be.

He has NO POWER unless you give it to him (devil). Stop loading the gun for him to pull the trigger.

In my own life the devil messed with everyone around me, he tried to suck the life right out of me and take over my mind. Then a brilliant person who was used by our father said “he has no power, you have the authority” bazinga that hit me.

I hit my emotional brick wall in my life, when that hit I came out fighting and with one thing I would do it right. I would find a way to turn my life into a good life a godly life I will stand in the midst of the battle and what ever it costs I choose life.

This was a turning point in life we can CHOOSE the path least taken that leads to him or the path everyone else takes that leads to death and destruction (meaning spiritually).

Testimony:

When I was a little girl a bad experience happened to me, at the time I was shattered. I went to my mum who at the time did not believe me. But then she could not dispute my reaction and it had to be the truth. I am not sure when if this happened the next day but I cried, which I was told at the time was a sign of weakness.

I begged my mother for a hug, please understand her upbringing was not the best so she had a brick wall up that would have put the great wall of china to shame. Her words to me (which turned out to be a blessing) “oh just go sit in a paddock and talk to God” she was very short and abrupt at the time.

I remember I was so angry that she couldn’t manage that simple act, so I said to myself right I will. I lived in the country so a paddock was not hard to find. I plonked myself down and cried out everything I was broken in spirit. I had nothing left but that moment. I said right I have been lead to believe you exist (not attending church or sunday school the fear of god was something that was put into me daily) I pointed to my house, I said to him “that is not a home that is a house, it’s hell on earth” “that thing that suppose to be related to me is evil” I don’t want to live, I want you to take me now”.

Nothing silence, so in anger I said not knowing the truth “then my soul may as well belong to the devil” my god as I sit here typing this I am back there, I am glad I know the truth. I felt these long claws like skeletal fingers with long nails come out of the ground inside of me, I knew then that this is real, I jumped up and said no “Jesus is my father, not that thing the world says is” I was so frightened I thought oh my god what have I done. I feared I had crossed a line that I was not old enough to understand. I said, I take those words back my soul and my life belong to Jesus (my father).

Then after I got over that shocker, I said, if that just happened then you are there. I demand that you hear me, I cannot live here  anymore it is hell on earth. I felt that I had no one to protect me or that loved me. I really did go for it he got an ear bashing at the time, then in the most precious voice.

I heard “Bronwyn, I will look after you”simple straight forward. I thought then that someone may have snuck up on me to play a joke in my time of despair. I looked around, no it was just me in the middle of no where, so I said what did you just say, again I heard “Bronwyn, I will look after you”.

I had forgotten this part until only a couple of years ago at a conference, I said ok, now I want you to leave a mark on me that is between you and me, I want you to put moles on me and I pointed to a spot on my leg, yes I was specific. Three moles that are a sign to me forever of you, Jesus and the holy spirit.

(Ahead a few years) Bazinga again, here I am sitting at a conference desperate to hear that voice, so pure so power so gentle so everything all rolled into one, absolutely unmistakable. All of a sudden quiet then, “Bronwyn, I left my mark on you. The one you ask for, for I have never left you” it was like a time line back I was making the demand sitting in that paddock. Tears and happiness were flowing in that most precious moment.

Continuing on, I remember being satisfied that I had protection, so I got up and went home. I walked in the back door my mother said to me “where have you been”. With boldness I said, “you told me to go sit in a paddock and talk to God, so I did”. She laughed mockingly then asked did he say anything? My answer yes he did “he told me he would look after me”. She laughed and thought I was nuts, but I didn’t care. How can you make someone understand that, everyone has to experience him in their own way.

With everything I have gone through to date the honest thing I can say is as a child I always said to myself “my life is not suppose to be this way” all the pain and hurt my life it was not suppose to happen.

A Pastor visited from another church, she said if anyone would like prayer see me after. I thought why not, bless her and God for using her. Her first words to me where, God wants you to know your life was not suppose to be that way, all the pain. He had better for you. Another bazinga, I keep using this word because there is no other way of explaining it.

In my home I have prayed about a lot of things but I have found the most awesome KEY.

Lord I know you love me, but I feel you need to fix what is wrong. I don’t know how or when but I GIVE YOU PERMISSION. I want to enjoy what you have for me, so Lord go for it, do what you need to, to get me to where you want me to be.

You don’t have to tell him twice, so began the healing. He is awesome and you know what, be willing to let him change you, to heal you and bring you forward.

You cannot loose, when you loose everything to him. Because he has that and more for you. Be blessed.

Stepping out sometimes you get a blockage

Yes stepping out and saying high to a stranger is scary. I have this overwhelming urge to say hi to as many as I can.

Extreme you might think but hay is loving God and what his son done for us, not.

We are suppose to be his children so Jesus is our brother yes or no? It says in John 4 12 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father.”

If you feel the urge then pray ask God to show you through his eyes who to approach. You don’t have to be over the top, Jesus always did things gently and quietly.

I challenge you to go out to and say to a complete stranger “God is in a good mood and he thinks your awesome”. I have taken these words and started. Simple you say, well why not, why do we over think things.

Just cross the chicken line and do it.

A mothers love

I have two children both totally different. But both loved the same as a parent you can be tested to your very core.

But I strongly believe in the trust of my father that what he decides is OK with me.

But a simple prayer that they come to the end of themselves and have their own experience with God.

And when they do that they CHOOSE to walk and stand with him.