Yesterday I woke up shaking, not understanding what was happening and knowing I had to drop my car off at the mechanics to finish a job, that was waiting for a part.

Anyway, I went from shaking to vibrating in my spirit, last time that happened, something big followed.

Well last night I was in bed and I saw a power, in the image of a man, it allowed the receiving part of me to take place, it was very real and very strong. I cannot explain it, but boy oh boy, so I started listing those things that had been withheld from me.

And I believe as I woke this morning, feeling different, change has taken place.

I knew something was coming, I could feel the energy in the atmosphere, this is how switched on I have been.

I have this knowing of a powerful force changing the direction of the path I have been on, not only with my health but every part of myself.

As I have said before, when I go quiet, its because something is taking place, and I must put all of my concentration on that. I put him first, before all else, because this needs to happen. Beyond anything else, his path for me, must be fulfilled.

I told a friend the other day about my name being written in the pages of history, not still knowing what that is yet, but its coming. I have also seen my name in his book, it was on a pedestal, a big grand book aged from time but majestic, and other names were blurred out, but mine in bold. That has been a great inspiration for my continued growth.

And a beautiful update on my daughter, she is engaged getting married on medication and they have worked out what is wrong, she also rang me for my birthday, I have txt her but we hadn’t spoken. Because I had to let the father do the work, and not interfer.

She said something that caused me to break down and sob like a baby, “mum I understand now, why you did what you did and how you tried to be mum dad and everything for us, I would like to say thank you” that little sentence was beautiful and that is what I tried to do, be what they lacked. Because of the trauma, I spent many weeks and months volunteering at there school. So they knew I was there if they needed me, because they needed a consistency, that others were not providing. They deserved someone to take the time to provide a need that was not asked for, but showed in how they acted at the time.

And for that beautiful present, that I know my father gave me, because he knew it was something I always yearned to hear. What a wonderful present, some things cannot be purchased, that means more than anything else.

Now lord work on my son, because I gave him to you the day he was christened. You know and I know, its only a matter of time…

God bless everyone

I must write down what he lets me know, what I’ve learned, because I know it will help those who read it.

I will keep you posted…

Having such a cold winter has not been kind to me, but spring is trying its best to start but on Saturday its on suppose to get to 11c which is nuts here should be low 20’s.

Its funny how I feel things, a month or so ago I had a feeling it was going to be a hot summer.

Hot in Australia, yes you can fry an egg, tar roads melt, its harsh.

But the love of the country is ingrained in my DNA, talking about that my daughter is trying to a ancestry search, but has hit a wall. Oh do I know this only too well, because no documents can be trusted, gotta love the past family who thought keep a lie was more important, NOT.

Anyway, this is short for today, I am praying for a new laptop, not in any budget at present but would be good so I don’t have to sit and type here where I can only sit for a short time.

Father let spring come forth and put the cold to bed, so I don’t feel this way.

Had a battle to end all battles, will update you when I come out the other side, but remember he never leaves you, he will bring me through… be blessed.

I was about to leave for now and looked at my stats and information, to just track what has been happening.

And, I would like to thank you, I make NO MONEY from these posts, and at this time, I do not want too.

Because, a kind word, a journey and a little love, comes free.

So, if my journey helps you, your welcome, if anything resonates with you, your welcome.

If you feel love or shed a tear, let the father wrap you in his loving arms.

That’s all we need, is it not, anyway, as I walk along, sometimes stumbling, sometimes having a conniption.

Showing, I am just like everyone else, and that he has you, even when you do not think your deserving, know love comes, even when you don’t ask for it.

But you do deserve… him

When I got out to get some washing liquid at our local discount store, the chap at the counter said to me, “have you lost weight” I was shocked for a minute, then realised about my cloths becoming loose in just 3 weeks.

I told him, I must have and about my thyroid, it must have been that all along, because I could not budge my weight, it just kept going north.

I thanked him and he was really excited for me, which I appreciate to no end and how good I was looking.

How a simple comment of positiveness can change your day.

Then as I was at my friends house she reminded me of someone else who saw my weight just drop, and I was the size I use to be. I have to say, looking at clothing scares me, because I don’t want to buy anything that will be a waste.

I believe things happen as they are meant too, I also said to someone about on the morning of getting admitted, a lady was crying she was scared to have her hip done, I held her hand and prayed and gave her as much love as I could, I explained about the father and that most times, when I am at some form of doctors or hospitals, I am there for someone else.

She felt blessed, she was comforted and I was glad to be of service…

Do something kind and be his blessing today…

Something I miss since my thyroid operation is my voice, I am still very quiet and cannot sing as yet.

Still trying to tackle the talking first, something they do not tell you before hand is how different it is and how to bring something back.

Before I made sure I sung, at the top of my range and so loud, just encase I could not do it again.

But, what has been best is this, I was at a friends house yesterday for a short while, trying to get out of the house.

I have been praying for her daughters and my own, was how the lord works. She told me what is going on, and I told her what I had been praying for and it is coming to pass, also with my own.

As I keep saying, you have got to love his work, as I told her, I could do nothing else, but when I felt the need, I have at least been praying.

I was worried that when I had no energy even for faith, that I lost my link to him. This validation was inspiring and when I was watching shorts on youtube, a message kept coming that was all I had been worried about, you cannot make this stuff up…

Praise him always…

I was about to go and its struck me, how weird my body behaves.

And I was wondering what happens to anyone else and are they the same, I am allergic to coconut, shell fish, mushrooms, lactose, wheat, etc etc.

What I always try and figure out is why, why my body when I have too eat wheat feels toxic, I cannot close my mouth, its stings and feels acidic, my feet sweat and smell like a dead boy, my stomach is roar and I feel so yuk I cannot explain.

Coconut is the most dangerous, when I was in hospital, telling them I am allergic to anti inflammatory, then they bring me a curry, which is a natural anti inflammatory, I was vomiting, and started to feel those listed reactions. They are not set up for me, next time I will take my own things in, I have too, no other option.

If it was one thing, it might be ok, but I have a small list of what I can have and I must stick to it, I was sent to a dietitian and she didn’t know what to do, because every suggestion was a no from me.

It has been suggested that what I was exposed to as a fetus or child could have caused it. All I know is this, I do not eat out, if I do, I know what is going to happen.

It is not just food, medications, chemicals in the home or outside, and clothing, anything really that I can come in contact with…

Oh what fun,,,,,,,,,,,

As you may have read, its been really hard, my thyroid has been a nightmare of sorts, because of its affect on my body and mind.

With the added burden of little sleep on top of all that, I was done, I didn’t have any energy for anything or anyone. And I thought I was going to die…

I have since had it removed, and I am no longer chocking on it, feeling dizzy, but trying to heal while using a cpap sleep machine has been so hard.

I worked out yesterday that I was only getting about 2hrs 17mins of broken sleep a night, put that against a persons 8 solid hours and you may come close to understand, how tired I had become. In a week someone gets close to 48 to 50 hrs of sleep, solid sleep. I was living on 24 and struggling with every step I took.

Physical and mental exhaustion is a real thing, when I was doodling away yesterday working it out, I was shocked, but realised why I kept falling asleep, why driving was so scary and why I could not function at all.

Last week I had to go for a review and they are not happy with the blood work, so if you can please pray. I cannot do this again, mentally its too much, I am anxious, panicky etc etc. But I have to rely on the father, I have to come back to him and trust. I have nothing else but him and its what has got me through, along with a friends kind words.

Today is a milestone, but I keep wondering, how long for my body to feel energy at all. I think back and I have had trouble sleeping since I was in my 20’s, so its not going to be in a hurry, yesterday was a first, I only napped once, compared to 5 times in a day.

But going from 43 episodes to 3-8 is so much better, I was so scared to drive, having to pull over and take a few minutes or shake myself, not driving out of town, other drivers scare me, when they do scary things, then an attack happens and I start shaking, if they only knew, how hard it is.

Just do what you say, TRUST.

Don’t try and figure him out, don’t try and be his CEO, don’t worry about what is to come or what will happen.

Just TRUST, trust him to have you, trust him to use you when its time and get off the band wagon, stop following along because its what, has always been done.

Form a relationship with him, form a bond above all others, trust him and never let go.

Just do it, for we as humans can never come close to understanding what is next, give all your desires up and just be in the moment, for it has been proven to me, you get far more in life, that if you strive for perfection, material possessions or money.