Over my time in our church one thing has raised its head, money.

I used to say money means nothing, but then it became less and less. So now, I say, I like money, but I love my father much much more.

I observe people and it can be anyone, either I know personally or I have worked with.

And money, when they get it, they become obsessed, it seems to override common sense.

My mum taught me well; she taught me to appreciate things but never lose yourself. If you are happy within yourself and with who you are, then you do not ever need to go and impress anyone.

Once I was taken to a house, the statement, he has a Bentley in the garage. I looked at the person and then back at the guy and said, “sorry, but I don’t care, I am here to meet you, what you have, does not impress me or change my view”.

Now, this world, that last statement, is very rare, that someone, would not be impressed by your wealth or status, but see the individual as they are. This is something I have always done, I will treat someone with holes in their pants the same as someone with several zeros in their bank, to me they are important and that is it, end of.

But, when people are impressed by a Prada bag or a Bentley or jewels, I think what about their souls, why is an object more important than the person.

That is where I believe the world has gone wrong, yes, I would love to have endless amounts of money, but I do not see why it would define me any differently. Yes, you need to be watchful and smart, definitely quiet, but my personal value doesn’t change, and I don’t see why it ever should.

I am still me; I still love my father, I can still appreciate a bargain and that’s okay.

Sometimes, it feels like yesterday, I was at High School or my kids were babies and as I try to work through the pain, I think where did time go.

I am not in any way ancient; my body is just a bit cranky. Especially with this weird weather, here it is still coldish, then we have a warmer day, the air is thick, and my asthma goes nuts with all the spring flowers.

So, when the cold comes the joints start to get cranky, but I think of my father and when he says, it is for but a time.

I have known over my life, this fact, things happen to teach you something or make you rev up and take charge and speak the word.

Nothing is given in anger, nothing is to hurt us, it is to give us a lesson we would not have learned, understand, if I have not had all the training in the world. I could not empathize with you today.

Yes, it was very sucky, and it left a dent, but all dents can be worked out, if you let the banging and shaping to take place.

Remember he never gives us more than we can handle, and I for one feel blessed, because the more I am limited by things, the more time I have to stop and talk to people and share, to spread a smile or a joke.

Like today, when I go out, I feel like, how would Jesus act, what would please my father today, on how I treat a situation or how I share a smile. A little bit of love shown, to me, feels like a fog, going out and covering the land.

As I sit here at 2am in the morning, I cannot sleep but I feel like I need to share, I feel the need to write and write well.

To me it doesn’t matter the time, but when he needs me to do something, I’m on it…

Love to all and sweet dreams

This week my car needed the mechanic, it’s always funny to me how my father prepares me.

When it went, I said out loud, “there goes my baby” something inside of me went yep, this is it.

Well, after a few texts and calls, I just sent a txt stating, whatever god has for me, it’s fine.

And very peacefully when the call came to say my engine is dead, I was fine, it felt like I was consoling the mechanic. Instead of the other way around.

I have known for a while that the enemy is trying all sorts of things, and when you know that you can find peace.

I kept saying, God, I trust you over and over, every time the thoughts would try and come in, I would hit back again and again.

For the last couple of years, the father was trying to ready me for another car, and I was stubborn and it came to a head, I have to humble myself and say, I know you tried, but I was anxious and unsure, so I put it off and off and off again.

I have my sight set on something, now I have to trust him that everything will fall into place, and it comes to pass if not, then I trust whatever he finds for me and I will love it.

For the car I have had was a blessing, from him and I was so scared because I felt unworthy, but now, bring on anything you feel is right for me.

Because I love you father and I do trust you, AMEN

Thinking back to my mum, she loved pretty china teacups etc.

Seeing the joy, it brought her after everything, I paid attention. I learned from her about the different makers, who did what with what. Who was used by the royals and others she regarded with esteem.

I learned to love it, and she passed that onto me, we would share little trips to the shops and look at the patterns learn what they were called, who made them and much more.

Taking the time to listen, observe and learn, made my mum very happy and to see her smile was worth more to me than what we may be looking at.

You really don’t know what you really think until you start paying attention, I know I loved God, I knew the testimony I have is real and he is real.

But until I opened the bible and saw the words, that are keys to not only what is happening, but what you do every day of your life. How it guides you, how humans finding evidence now in what was written then, is amazing and it is not just a book with pages.

It to me, opens up like a pop-up book, it comes to life and lives in the words written inside those pages.

When we look through human eyes, nothing is very remarkable, but when you look with his eyes, everything opens up to a way that us humans could never imagine or understand.

How much of a blessing is that, so even though sometimes the bible hits between the eyes and I have to catch my breath, it is absolutely worth my time in reading it.

Have you seen things, that make you question, has the world gone mad or on it’s way.

It is so hard for me, I was brought up to honor your word, show respect, use your manners.

And today, I have to admit something terrible, I got angry and swore. Yes me, the young boy next door who is in high school knows better, but my PTSD goes through the roof when he just kicks and kicks the ball at my wooden fence, first time in years, I lost it, I yelled out and told him to learn skills instead of kicking it at the fence.

I know his dad has been missing for a couple of weeks, his car is there but he is not, and I know the boy, doesn’t like me, after what I yelled I wouldn’t either. I’m confessing it, because I feel so bad, I have been really angry at myself, my car has lost a cylinder and then another machine is playing up.

But then I think something good must be coming too, because things don’t come your way unless something is coming, oh lord please forgive me. Now I go into weeks of hating myself, no good saying sorry over the fence he has ear pods in all the time.

But I will when I see him apologize for what I said, even at my age you need to humble yourself. I saw something flicking through the channels last night that is playing on my mind and bugging me so bad, as to why I think the world has gone mad.

I was reading in Peter how if you hate your brother and say you love God, you’re a liar.

Now, I was trying to read a little of the bible every day and when I read this, it has stopped me in my tracks.

Why, because I never ever want to think I am lying to God, he is far too precious to me.

Then I had to think about the statement, what do I feel about my brother and all he has done, am I still angry, do I still want justice to hurt him.

Yes, I had to go through a big hard-core search here, then as I sat, I came to the conclusion that I forgive him with my heart, I do love my family members, it’s just I need to keep safe, so I will not let them near me and that is just self-preservation.

But forgiveness has to be given with your heart, it can’t just be a word you say for the sake of saying it. I believe you have to mean what you say.

So, I am still a little shaken, but what is a bible, without a bit of hard hitting reflection.

Never ever doubt what he is capable of, never ever, ever.

I was thinking about posting, why today is special to me.

When my mum was in labor, I got stuck under her ribs, she was 4ft 10, so having a 7lb 9oz baby would not have been easy, she started labor on the 23rd and it wasn’t until the doctor unstuck me was I born.

My mother said this, the doctor seeing my colouring was not confident, why I was mainly black with a little blue. Yes, that would make it a very scary moment, but they got me going and I am still here today.

The stories my mum talked about the doctor and how he would collect me and do his rounds, made me laugh. But since then, I look back and can appreciate how the father has saved me.

When I was about 20, I got very sick and landed in hospital, I was told my temperature was so high, I was .5 off my brain turning to mush, I had lines in, medications down my neck up the … and then packed in ice. The doctor had ordered me on watch, he was in and out, tests after tests trying to figure out what was going on.

I have had Rubella and again I was on bed watch, so many times the enemy has tried to take me out in various ways, but the father keeps bringing me through. Why, because he has put me here for a purpose and I cannot go until that time.

I believe so strongly, that whatever the enemy read before the was thrown out of heaven, must be good and I keep thinking of that fact, what is it, whatever it is father make it happen.

A friend of mine once said, how she was jealous of me, I said to her, I have nothing more special than you, all I know is I have been put here for a specific purpose and that is my drive and my finish line. I am more sure of that, than will I wake up in the morning.

Jealousy is a wasted energy; it can be a distraction and a device to make sure it gets you off course. I do no doubt what may be to come, because everything within me says so. So, who am I to question the father, after he has done so much for me.

I am here, he has kept me here to finish the race and I pray that reason comes soon, not that I want my life to finish, but I want to know he is happy that the plan he set for my life has been accomplished and that could take a long, long time.

Yes, today 25th October, I use to feel sad on my birthday, because it felt like the day was an inconvenience to others.

But, today, I feel so happy, I can feel the love coming from the father and I love it.

I always put 2 and 5 together and made 7, his favourite number. He knows I am his, he knows, nothing else matters but him.

I am so glad he has saved me, blessed me, put breath into me and kept me here.

Loving Jesus is so very well worth everything I have lived through, and the best is yet to come.

I often wonder this especially loving my father, because it can be so easy for some to slip.

Recently here the government allow you to apply for an amount, which is to be used for your electricity bills.

Now before it went straight onto the bill, before that it was into the bank account, now its back to that.

Many would think oh, I can spend it on…. well, I don’t I checked my account and found it had arrived, so as I sat and ate my breakfast, I went on in-between and added it to my electricity account.

Why, isn’t that being honest when he is watching you. Don’t you feel the need to be honest, if I used it for something else, I would feel so guilty. Because it is for your bills, not a go waste it fund, like many seem to do.

My dad was a compulsive liar; he even lied that much he couldn’t remember what he lied about.

So, growing up, I would be so honest, I would get into trouble, or my mum would tell me to go for a short walk, so I wouldn’t find out anything.

We tell our children not to lie, but we tell them to believe in Santa, and did you know you can make the word (SATAN) out of the letters, hmmm. We tell them about the tooth fairy, easter bunny, but what are we allowing, lies.

Sometimes it is hard to step forward and be honest, but like I have said before, when I am asked a question, you may not like the answer I give, but I am going to love you enough to be honest.

If that hurts, maybe it could be my delivery, but maybe it could be your maturity level.

I used to tell my kids, Santa is an old man dressed up at the shops, I am not just big and jolly for nothing, I work hard to collect gifts to give you at Christmas, but we really celebrate because it’s Jesus’s birthday.

Same with easter, marketing has pushed the emphases to spend, spend, spend, but we celebrate because he died and rose again. Every easter Friday, I feel the depth of the enormity in which he was crucified for us, and on Sunday I feel a joy that he rose again and is around us.

I am still so touched that my hairdresser said to me, no one thinks or behaves like you do and shows joy, laughter and kindness. I still go back to my mum, ” when god made you, he broke the mold”.

The world teaches us to judge, to criticise, to get angry, to pick and prod until they fall over. Why, why aren’t you doing as he has written, love thy neighbour, not just the neighbour’s, but those around you as you go out.

A smile is priceless, a bit of kindness spreads kindness, a laugh and the world will laugh with you. I have social anxiety at times it is really hard, but I will push because what the enemy used for bad, I will turn it around for my fathers good.

End in point…

My life has been limited to say the least, but something shocked me into gear this morning.

You see in my cupboards, I have extra blankets, doonas etc. etc. My mum was one to keep things for a rainy day or pick things up cheap.

Thanks to the father who gives you what you need not what you want and sometimes, it’s the journey to get you there that is required more, than the ending.

So, over time I have accumulated extras, that makes me feel like I am drowning.

This morning as I watched a wife swap video, it kicked things into gear and boy I needed it big time.

I am going to clean out big time…