Trust is something I had to relearn, because it had been stolen.

Trust is a very important word and thing, it is a strong foundation for our lives.

But, the most important thing is, trusting the father, when you see all Kaos abound. For he has you, sometimes we have to go through a journey, to understand what the result is and to be able to transfer that understanding to whomever it may require.

Trust is something, that is worth the weight of gold.

Today, we forget respect, honour, trust, joy and kindness are key ingredients that make you the person you are.

A few weeks ago, I came across a lady I use to work with, we got chatting standing in line and as I left, the assistant said to her, “she is so nice” and the lady I worked with said, “Yes, she really is nice”.

That little comment, is not from me trying to be anything I am not, it’s not me trying to spread a vision of what I want people to think, it’s just me being me and hearing that, filled my heart with a hug.

Why is the last sentence put in, because I always have had to say this to a certain sibling. Who would try and take that comment and slice it up, because they wanted to control the outcome. Which is so absurd to many of us, but when your around it, your brain says, what the hell is wrong with you.

I go out and be kind to those serving me, or are around me, why, because I would want to be treated that way. And when it comes down to it, what would Jesus do…

I always wanted a relationship that many have, a closeness.

But, when you have a daughter that is damaged mentally, you know the limits.

I have to accept certain responses and know it is all I am going to get. There is not a fluid conversation and that I understand.

Recently she had a medical emergency and what did I do, go to the father, I will not feed into some emotional baggage. So, I call on him, I call on the understanding that whatever is to come, he is in control, not me.

When I told him, I trust him with my life, my children’s life and now my grandchildren, I meant every word.

It’s like when I said that I surrender my life to him, it does not, (to me) mean that I surrender until something else comes along, oh no. It means that I surrender, all of me, mind body and soul.

Some people need a husband, some need to have those around them to fill and emptiness they have. But, I need him, more than words, I need him, I need to be with him, it’s a drive in me, like nothing else.

So, as I prayed, I sit in trust, for whatever lesson or path, which he has planned, I sit in peace knowing he has me, all the way.

This is something I struggle with, why, I have dealt with many people who think, they can lie to me and I will be none the wiser.

Well, this little duckie knows and sees your lies.

Why has this come about, recently a close person lied to me, and I know my father is not having any of it. I can warn them, catch them out and say something, but it doesn’t stop and for that they have to learn a lesson, that only the father can give.

I always think this way, you’re not just lying to me, your lying to the father and that is not on.

This has struck me because of the part in the bible where it says, if you hate your brother then you have lied to the Lord.

Now, I had to very much take this and digest it, then I came up with a peaceful resolution. I love my brother for the person he could have been, not the one I had experienced and that grants me to love, but to cut through any bad energy.

It’s not easy in any way shape or form to step into this arena, but when my father speaks, I have to find a way.

I extend this to my sister, I can love her, but I know that is as far as it goes.

I am a person that if I love you, I am all in, if you break my trust, your tolerated, if you lie, to me or think I am a puppet in your game and do the worst imaginable, I’m out for life.

I understand so much of my mum now, it takes time to understand, but I get it…

Since this morning, I was trying to find one document, I prayed first and during but instead organised all the paperwork I found.

I used to work in various jobs, but my very last job was still admin, I had been the National Office Manager, Data Base Manager, PA to the CEO, Travel Manager etc etc.

Now, I was good at what I did, the father told me to change my job, from working locally, to the city and I loved learning, I didn’t at times like the people I worked with, but I did it being respectful, but I also stood for my father.

At one point I felt like my beliefs were a running joke, once I had a operations manager that was horrendous, he would give me a hard time and be so rude of course when the boss was not in the office. But, he would brag how he didn’t have to work, how I needed a career plan etc.

Then one day he walked in, after weeks of him trying to make me slip up on a task, we’ll doesn’t the father have a funny side. He had bragged about having 5 houses rented and one well. A bee’s nest was on the inside of the internal walls, he was so upset, it would cost him $10,000 to fix the problem because it was so big.

Now, this was the same guy, who stated to me about building his new fancy house and how it would cost him that amount to demolish the old house, I suggested putting it online, people like old houses and doing them up once moved to their property. He did as I suggested, got the $10,000 for it and I got no thank you, nothing.

I would go to him with ideas, about the business, he took one of them to the board and they offered him $30,000 bonus, then he had the audacity to stand in front of me and tell me, then stated he refused it because the business was in trouble, but I think he would have.

It wasn’t long after that, I stated to the father either he goes or I do, the Lord told me he’d do it. At the time the vice president of the board’s EA rang me and asked the question. Because she would type up a copy of the Board’s minutes and luckily, she knew me. How I worked etc, which was so nice.

We’ll the phone call, she said can he talk to you, I said absolutely, after we established the way, I could answer as he was in the office but ended up going to lunch. After I answered the questions then I was able to speak freely, I told him how I’d come to the idea and how I saw it working and how I had shared this information.

You see, he took the idea to the board but couldn’t tell them how he had thought of it, how it would work out on the system in place which I was the only one who knew how to use it. He said his EA, had said it sounds like Bronie, something just didn’t sit right with his big confidence performance.

Once the truth was out, the board called an emergency meeting, he walked in this was a couple of days later and said to me, that I needed to make sure that I had another job to go too, because he had been told he either resigns or his sacked.

Now, you have got to love the Lord, when he goes to work, he goes to work, this guy, moved onto the company that had built our new data base, but he was still asking me to do things and pushing me.

So, again Lord you are going to have to get rid of him, he might not be in this office, but he is still causing problems.

We’ll the Lord got to it, this was Wednesday, on Friday just after lunch a stern email came out from that company, stating any decisions made by him are now null and void, he is no longer a member of staff. Like, it was strong and direct, I was stunned, I read that email over and over again.

I was in the office with one other staff member and as she walked past, she said to me, “what” she knew what he was like. I read her the email, she didn’t believe me, I instructed for her to come read it herself.

We both shouted for joy, I told her about my prayer, and I was stunned but also so thankful. Because when you know, who you are really working for, you know.

All the time I worked there, the times they would say, Jesus Christ in anger and frustration, I would get up from my desk stand in the doorway and say, “now you’ve got his attention, what do you want”. They would always say sorry to me, but I threw back, you’re speaking to the wrong person.

You know what the biggest piece he the exit lunch with staff did was, he started to speak and then said to me, “Bronie, thank you for all your help and support”. I just nodded, but I gave him a look as if as to say, boy I got your number.

Later my boss said, “why didn’t one of you say anything” because he was that slippery, you would not have listened” I told him, that I got my father on the case and he dealt with him.

Typing this, it shows how, God puts things in your path, you can either be strengthened by it or run. But when you know how to stand in the faith, and strength, then wait. He will move that mountain for you.

It’s like with my car, I was in tears all weekend, my depression reared its ugly head, so I just slept. But today I found the paperwork I needed, I am getting all my ducks in a row and from there I will make a decision.

Never doubt the father and how he can move things, and when you feel it’s you that needs to move, don’t be like me and keep putting it off. I forgot to trust him, I just tried to keep going and finally, he put up a roadblock, as if to say, it’s time to act.

I know he wants to give me more and I didn’t think I deserved anything more. I feel blessed with the simplest things.

So, here I sit, ready for the call in the morning and I will get what he wants for me. Not what I think I deserve, there you go father, it’s now in print so I have to follow through.

Love you father, and thank you for all you have done, all your doing and all your about to do in Jesus mighty name.

Over my time in our church one thing has raised its head, money.

I used to say money means nothing, but then it became less and less. So now, I say, I like money, but I love my father much much more.

I observe people and it can be anyone, either I know personally or I have worked with.

And money, when they get it, they become obsessed, it seems to override common sense.

My mum taught me well; she taught me to appreciate things but never lose yourself. If you are happy within yourself and with who you are, then you do not ever need to go and impress anyone.

Once I was taken to a house, the statement, he has a Bentley in the garage. I looked at the person and then back at the guy and said, “sorry, but I don’t care, I am here to meet you, what you have, does not impress me or change my view”.

Now, this world, that last statement, is very rare, that someone, would not be impressed by your wealth or status, but see the individual as they are. This is something I have always done, I will treat someone with holes in their pants the same as someone with several zeros in their bank, to me they are important and that is it, end of.

But, when people are impressed by a Prada bag or a Bentley or jewels, I think what about their souls, why is an object more important than the person.

That is where I believe the world has gone wrong, yes, I would love to have endless amounts of money, but I do not see why it would define me any differently. Yes, you need to be watchful and smart, definitely quiet, but my personal value doesn’t change, and I don’t see why it ever should.

I am still me; I still love my father, I can still appreciate a bargain and that’s okay.

Sometimes, it feels like yesterday, I was at High School or my kids were babies and as I try to work through the pain, I think where did time go.

I am not in any way ancient; my body is just a bit cranky. Especially with this weird weather, here it is still coldish, then we have a warmer day, the air is thick, and my asthma goes nuts with all the spring flowers.

So, when the cold comes the joints start to get cranky, but I think of my father and when he says, it is for but a time.

I have known over my life, this fact, things happen to teach you something or make you rev up and take charge and speak the word.

Nothing is given in anger, nothing is to hurt us, it is to give us a lesson we would not have learned, understand, if I have not had all the training in the world. I could not empathize with you today.

Yes, it was very sucky, and it left a dent, but all dents can be worked out, if you let the banging and shaping to take place.

Remember he never gives us more than we can handle, and I for one feel blessed, because the more I am limited by things, the more time I have to stop and talk to people and share, to spread a smile or a joke.

Like today, when I go out, I feel like, how would Jesus act, what would please my father today, on how I treat a situation or how I share a smile. A little bit of love shown, to me, feels like a fog, going out and covering the land.

As I sit here at 2am in the morning, I cannot sleep but I feel like I need to share, I feel the need to write and write well.

To me it doesn’t matter the time, but when he needs me to do something, I’m on it…

Love to all and sweet dreams

This week my car needed the mechanic, it’s always funny to me how my father prepares me.

When it went, I said out loud, “there goes my baby” something inside of me went yep, this is it.

Well, after a few texts and calls, I just sent a txt stating, whatever god has for me, it’s fine.

And very peacefully when the call came to say my engine is dead, I was fine, it felt like I was consoling the mechanic. Instead of the other way around.

I have known for a while that the enemy is trying all sorts of things, and when you know that you can find peace.

I kept saying, God, I trust you over and over, every time the thoughts would try and come in, I would hit back again and again.

For the last couple of years, the father was trying to ready me for another car, and I was stubborn and it came to a head, I have to humble myself and say, I know you tried, but I was anxious and unsure, so I put it off and off and off again.

I have my sight set on something, now I have to trust him that everything will fall into place, and it comes to pass if not, then I trust whatever he finds for me and I will love it.

For the car I have had was a blessing, from him and I was so scared because I felt unworthy, but now, bring on anything you feel is right for me.

Because I love you father and I do trust you, AMEN

Thinking back to my mum, she loved pretty china teacups etc.

Seeing the joy, it brought her after everything, I paid attention. I learned from her about the different makers, who did what with what. Who was used by the royals and others she regarded with esteem.

I learned to love it, and she passed that onto me, we would share little trips to the shops and look at the patterns learn what they were called, who made them and much more.

Taking the time to listen, observe and learn, made my mum very happy and to see her smile was worth more to me than what we may be looking at.

You really don’t know what you really think until you start paying attention, I know I loved God, I knew the testimony I have is real and he is real.

But until I opened the bible and saw the words, that are keys to not only what is happening, but what you do every day of your life. How it guides you, how humans finding evidence now in what was written then, is amazing and it is not just a book with pages.

It to me, opens up like a pop-up book, it comes to life and lives in the words written inside those pages.

When we look through human eyes, nothing is very remarkable, but when you look with his eyes, everything opens up to a way that us humans could never imagine or understand.

How much of a blessing is that, so even though sometimes the bible hits between the eyes and I have to catch my breath, it is absolutely worth my time in reading it.

Have you seen things, that make you question, has the world gone mad or on it’s way.

It is so hard for me, I was brought up to honor your word, show respect, use your manners.

And today, I have to admit something terrible, I got angry and swore. Yes me, the young boy next door who is in high school knows better, but my PTSD goes through the roof when he just kicks and kicks the ball at my wooden fence, first time in years, I lost it, I yelled out and told him to learn skills instead of kicking it at the fence.

I know his dad has been missing for a couple of weeks, his car is there but he is not, and I know the boy, doesn’t like me, after what I yelled I wouldn’t either. I’m confessing it, because I feel so bad, I have been really angry at myself, my car has lost a cylinder and then another machine is playing up.

But then I think something good must be coming too, because things don’t come your way unless something is coming, oh lord please forgive me. Now I go into weeks of hating myself, no good saying sorry over the fence he has ear pods in all the time.

But I will when I see him apologize for what I said, even at my age you need to humble yourself. I saw something flicking through the channels last night that is playing on my mind and bugging me so bad, as to why I think the world has gone mad.

I was reading in Peter how if you hate your brother and say you love God, you’re a liar.

Now, I was trying to read a little of the bible every day and when I read this, it has stopped me in my tracks.

Why, because I never ever want to think I am lying to God, he is far too precious to me.

Then I had to think about the statement, what do I feel about my brother and all he has done, am I still angry, do I still want justice to hurt him.

Yes, I had to go through a big hard-core search here, then as I sat, I came to the conclusion that I forgive him with my heart, I do love my family members, it’s just I need to keep safe, so I will not let them near me and that is just self-preservation.

But forgiveness has to be given with your heart, it can’t just be a word you say for the sake of saying it. I believe you have to mean what you say.

So, I am still a little shaken, but what is a bible, without a bit of hard hitting reflection.