Lately, I have felt my mum, so strongly, in the morning as I say good morning to all of the above. I have added in my mum, I bought a quilt cover, that she would have loved and every time I walk past or into my bedroom, I am filled with love.

Something my mother had was woolen blankets and secretly, I have always wanted a certain style of them, and have waited till now, I have recently purchased two, one on the bed for summer and the other in wait for winter to come around again.

Woolen blankets have come a long way, not scratchy, not heavy, but once I washed it, there was a bit of fluff, so on the cloths line, I got a soft brush and brushed the excess fluff off. It can take a couple of washes but, defiantly worth it. I feel like my mum is giving me a warm hug, and it makes me smile.

I have gone from feeling so strongly as to why a life was filled with abuse, hurt and sadness, to disconnecting from some of her children and just loving the first Larry and me the last. I found with what she had been through, dishonor, disrespect, and lies got you banished from her emotions. And she would not change her stance, once your done, your done.

But I am so glad we were friends before she transitioned to her eternal life. I am very much the same way, you do something bad against me, your done. Yes I will be polite and tolerate you, but I will be on guard always after that. And yes it has to be pretty bad for that to happen.

Every time I do something, I think of mum, I think if she couldn’t then as long as my father is ok with it, then I can. Both of them knew my heart, you see, you have to understand someone, what there past has been forming them, why they do the things they do, to understand them, to love them. Even through the mucky parts, it makes sense, when you don’t just see mum, but Ruth herself.

Then everything fell into place, I understand, I saw her and loved her so much, she knew it, because she told me, “Bronie, I really do love you, you know that don’t you” those words are what is valued by me.

Love you mum…