I must write down what he lets me know, what I’ve learned, because I know it will help those who read it.

I will keep you posted…

Having such a cold winter has not been kind to me, but spring is trying its best to start but on Saturday its on suppose to get to 11c which is nuts here should be low 20’s.

Its funny how I feel things, a month or so ago I had a feeling it was going to be a hot summer.

Hot in Australia, yes you can fry an egg, tar roads melt, its harsh.

But the love of the country is ingrained in my DNA, talking about that my daughter is trying to a ancestry search, but has hit a wall. Oh do I know this only too well, because no documents can be trusted, gotta love the past family who thought keep a lie was more important, NOT.

Anyway, this is short for today, I am praying for a new laptop, not in any budget at present but would be good so I don’t have to sit and type here where I can only sit for a short time.

Father let spring come forth and put the cold to bed, so I don’t feel this way.

Had a battle to end all battles, will update you when I come out the other side, but remember he never leaves you, he will bring me through… be blessed.

I was about to leave for now and looked at my stats and information, to just track what has been happening.

And, I would like to thank you, I make NO MONEY from these posts, and at this time, I do not want too.

Because, a kind word, a journey and a little love, comes free.

So, if my journey helps you, your welcome, if anything resonates with you, your welcome.

If you feel love or shed a tear, let the father wrap you in his loving arms.

That’s all we need, is it not, anyway, as I walk along, sometimes stumbling, sometimes having a conniption.

Showing, I am just like everyone else, and that he has you, even when you do not think your deserving, know love comes, even when you don’t ask for it.

But you do deserve… him

When I got out to get some washing liquid at our local discount store, the chap at the counter said to me, “have you lost weight” I was shocked for a minute, then realised about my cloths becoming loose in just 3 weeks.

I told him, I must have and about my thyroid, it must have been that all along, because I could not budge my weight, it just kept going north.

I thanked him and he was really excited for me, which I appreciate to no end and how good I was looking.

How a simple comment of positiveness can change your day.

Then as I was at my friends house she reminded me of someone else who saw my weight just drop, and I was the size I use to be. I have to say, looking at clothing scares me, because I don’t want to buy anything that will be a waste.

I believe things happen as they are meant too, I also said to someone about on the morning of getting admitted, a lady was crying she was scared to have her hip done, I held her hand and prayed and gave her as much love as I could, I explained about the father and that most times, when I am at some form of doctors or hospitals, I am there for someone else.

She felt blessed, she was comforted and I was glad to be of service…

Do something kind and be his blessing today…

Something I miss since my thyroid operation is my voice, I am still very quiet and cannot sing as yet.

Still trying to tackle the talking first, something they do not tell you before hand is how different it is and how to bring something back.

Before I made sure I sung, at the top of my range and so loud, just encase I could not do it again.

But, what has been best is this, I was at a friends house yesterday for a short while, trying to get out of the house.

I have been praying for her daughters and my own, was how the lord works. She told me what is going on, and I told her what I had been praying for and it is coming to pass, also with my own.

As I keep saying, you have got to love his work, as I told her, I could do nothing else, but when I felt the need, I have at least been praying.

I was worried that when I had no energy even for faith, that I lost my link to him. This validation was inspiring and when I was watching shorts on youtube, a message kept coming that was all I had been worried about, you cannot make this stuff up…

Praise him always…

I was about to go and its struck me, how weird my body behaves.

And I was wondering what happens to anyone else and are they the same, I am allergic to coconut, shell fish, mushrooms, lactose, wheat, etc etc.

What I always try and figure out is why, why my body when I have too eat wheat feels toxic, I cannot close my mouth, its stings and feels acidic, my feet sweat and smell like a dead boy, my stomach is roar and I feel so yuk I cannot explain.

Coconut is the most dangerous, when I was in hospital, telling them I am allergic to anti inflammatory, then they bring me a curry, which is a natural anti inflammatory, I was vomiting, and started to feel those listed reactions. They are not set up for me, next time I will take my own things in, I have too, no other option.

If it was one thing, it might be ok, but I have a small list of what I can have and I must stick to it, I was sent to a dietitian and she didn’t know what to do, because every suggestion was a no from me.

It has been suggested that what I was exposed to as a fetus or child could have caused it. All I know is this, I do not eat out, if I do, I know what is going to happen.

It is not just food, medications, chemicals in the home or outside, and clothing, anything really that I can come in contact with…

Oh what fun,,,,,,,,,,,

As you may have read, its been really hard, my thyroid has been a nightmare of sorts, because of its affect on my body and mind.

With the added burden of little sleep on top of all that, I was done, I didn’t have any energy for anything or anyone. And I thought I was going to die…

I have since had it removed, and I am no longer chocking on it, feeling dizzy, but trying to heal while using a cpap sleep machine has been so hard.

I worked out yesterday that I was only getting about 2hrs 17mins of broken sleep a night, put that against a persons 8 solid hours and you may come close to understand, how tired I had become. In a week someone gets close to 48 to 50 hrs of sleep, solid sleep. I was living on 24 and struggling with every step I took.

Physical and mental exhaustion is a real thing, when I was doodling away yesterday working it out, I was shocked, but realised why I kept falling asleep, why driving was so scary and why I could not function at all.

Last week I had to go for a review and they are not happy with the blood work, so if you can please pray. I cannot do this again, mentally its too much, I am anxious, panicky etc etc. But I have to rely on the father, I have to come back to him and trust. I have nothing else but him and its what has got me through, along with a friends kind words.

Today is a milestone, but I keep wondering, how long for my body to feel energy at all. I think back and I have had trouble sleeping since I was in my 20’s, so its not going to be in a hurry, yesterday was a first, I only napped once, compared to 5 times in a day.

But going from 43 episodes to 3-8 is so much better, I was so scared to drive, having to pull over and take a few minutes or shake myself, not driving out of town, other drivers scare me, when they do scary things, then an attack happens and I start shaking, if they only knew, how hard it is.

Just do what you say, TRUST.

Don’t try and figure him out, don’t try and be his CEO, don’t worry about what is to come or what will happen.

Just TRUST, trust him to have you, trust him to use you when its time and get off the band wagon, stop following along because its what, has always been done.

Form a relationship with him, form a bond above all others, trust him and never let go.

Just do it, for we as humans can never come close to understanding what is next, give all your desires up and just be in the moment, for it has been proven to me, you get far more in life, that if you strive for perfection, material possessions or money.

I get my strength, in the knowledge that he has me, that I heard his voice, knowing that when I go through a hard time, where I feel, all I can do is breath.

He is building a warrior, someone who will fight his way, who will not run and hide, but who will make sure, she has her ammunition ready, not the worlds kind, but his.

So as I go threw the hard training, like an SAS agent, I know, he is going to use it, and I don’t have to work out how or why, all I have to do, is be ready and willing.

To stand, when others say they will, but are no where to be seen, when its required, I have a love. A love, only I understand, because, my life is his, when I said I surrender, I gave it all. So how can I loose, because if my life ends, my real life starts with him…

That knowledge, gives me the strength, I cannot deny…

Sometimes I sit here, not knowing what to write, or whether any of it will help a stranger, who falls onto this site.

But one thing, one thing that has always grown in me, when others run from the battle, I stand, scope the landscape, use all my senses and do what needs to be done.

Like the time shortly after I moved here, next door had a young man in there, well he must have done something to upset another, because a young guy with a metal baseball bat, used it to smash his car, that was out the front of his house, the mail box came off second best and he kept yelling, “he was going to kill him” all I kept thinking was, get a site line, see who he is, and you could tell he was under the influence of drugs. But after what seemed like hours, I had, had enough.

Yes, I called the police, but when his friends tried to call him away, I knew I was safe enough and to make sure my exit line back into the house was clear, just encase.

So, I went half way up my driveway, and I boldly and with authority, told him “to go home” he kept on about going to kill him, “I said no your not, your going to go home”. I made sure I repeated myself. When he finally left, I watched from my blackened room, where he went and made a data information memory for when the police arrived, clear and direct as they required.

Lucky my house has bedrooms at the front and you can see through a slit, but I got Jack of it (means had enough). I thought to myself, I am having cold sweats, I have anxiety through the roof, then I thought, I have lived all my life in fear and the police are in another area and can’t come now. So I am taking the power back, and thank the father it worked.

The police woman, came once the sun came out and asked me questions, she said the guy heard you, confronting the young man, I said where was he, she said, “hiding under the bed”. She said to me “please don’t do that again” but as I said, “he didn’t want to kill me, just him and I wasn’t taking it anymore”.

I did understand where she was coming from, but I get to a point, right I’m game, lets go. And I will do it in the safest way, but enough… with my father, I have his protection. For I stand on the fact he is a jealous god and loves me, and he knows when push comes to shove, I will stand on solid ground.