I have found it hard to let people in, yes having had experiences that did rock me to the core. It is hard, I need a certain amount of time, to see if what is said rings true.

Many times, people get one side of a story, and sometimes it is, just a story.

But with me, if I let you near me, count your blessings, you have established a foundation and its up to you whether you break it or not.

History does dictate the present, because you become extra vigilant, extra wary and that is no one fault. It is just how it is, presently, I am not one to throw the past in anyone’s face unless you play dirty and try to push me in the wrong way.

It is how I have been honed over time, I try every day to move into him, because I know its a better place to be, I know how far of a level I have grown in the understanding of him.

Many who just go to church have not yet reached that far, and that is their journey. If I can assist anyone, to just keep strong and keep pushing, then this blog of mine is well worth, well worth the time and the openness in which I share some of my journey.

A step in the right direction, to put you on the path he had planned for you all along, be brave, be strong and trust him with all you have.

The other day I was sitting quietly, talking to the lord, then I could hear a faint response.

Yes world, this may seem so foreign to you, but when you know him. You cannot rebuke the knowledge you have experienced.

Its amazing to me, every time, why because how wonderful is it. How precious is he, when you let him in.

Again, I had something happen and all I could do, is sit with him. I have nothing else to give and nothing else to have.

Listening many times as a human worldly brain is hard, hard to fathom what I am on about, not knowing how a book could be real, how a history spoken about could have happened.

But how many go to tarot reading etc and believe that millarky. Trust me, when I was in the world I knew things, I did these and I know its from the enemy. But do not ever discount how he can turn you around, how he can direct your path in the right way.

There is a book that was suggested to me and boy is it an eye opener. Why, we so often whine and whinge about ourselves or others and we get so wound up, we cannot see straight anymore.

But, when you say his words the right way, things are aligned correctly, you can feel it.

As I sit here I am patiently waiting for ancestry to establish the worldly past connections. Why, that voice of my mum stating things, but with my family, you cannot trust documents, you cannot trust stories. You have to dig, dig past all the rubbish to find the truth and to me this is the start. I found once I started I could hear my mum laugh, she knew I never believed a persons word. Because so many times it turned out to be a lie. So, the earth has been broken with the shovel, now I wait…

As I have stated before, I see a physiologist, to deal with my trauma and nightmares.

I am stating that even me, I have needed the past to be deal with each step at a time.

Growing up, I grew up, with what I refer too as my normal, but it was far from it.

Each year, at the end of November, early December, I feel myself shutting down, I close the curtains and I wait for this dreadful feeling of not being able to breath leave me.

So, I don’t like Christmas, I don’t like the lies, I don’t people at that time of year. Why, it has take time to figure out why, is this time so life altering for me.

Well it finally hit home, one of my worst instances happened. It changed me from happy, to screaming inside, to feeling unsafe physically and mentally. I was aware that my body was a major draw for hurt.

So as I aged, as I grew and my body transformed, I disliked that time of year more and more. I disliked the fact my body was hour glass shaped and I was only wanted for it, and not my heart or mind, that I was only a thing for abuse. But it sits under the surface as to why, I have been single for 24 years.

When I was younger I stated, I wasn’t any good for anyone, because I was damaged goods.

I now know, I am who I am because my father has me, I am safe where he is and that is with me constantly.

So the times I go quiet are totally understandable, my life as I stated and he acknowledged was never meant to be this way, but here I sit, knowing that I cannot change until I deal with each step.

But, I also know, I am woman hear me roar, when I need to roar and I take no prisoners when I do. And that is something that has built within me, when it comes to so far, I will not stand anything anymore and I will fight back.

Like the time as the one year anniversary of my mums death came, that letter. Accusing me that all he did to me, was my fault. Oh no you don’t, I let out a scream built up for 26 years, I went down to the police station and let out the secret kept for so long. The person was grooming there own daughter, my daughter also told me of an incident.

That lovely police woman stating the truth, “honey its not you, it is him, he is a case book pedophile” just hearing that made all the hurt audible, it made getting a restraining order being acknowledged. It made the fathers words that day, when I kept stressing, am I doing the right thing.

I then heard his audible voice and he stated as I got dressed in the bathroom, “justice will be done on earth as it is in heaven”. What a gift, when I needed him the most, he answered. I will never forget the police officer who sheltered me at the time of the court hearing, who said to me, just keep looking at me, put your back to him, focus on me. The judge saw my face, he knew, the abuse councilor who also came with me, stated they give an order for 3 or 6 mths nothing more. Well as the judge asked, “is he your …” all I could muster was a lip sealed grunt as acknowledgement, he used the law to help me and for the first time gave him 1 year, “do not contact her, do not go near her, do not use any friends to find out information or I will have your butt put straight into jail.”

I thought about that the other day, because I have questioned over and over, what good it will do, to bring him to justice now, I cannot get my memory taken away, I cannot make up for lost time, I cannot ever see myself loved via marriage or having a normal life. Because he took my normal away for so long, but remembering the fathers words has made me think again, it may not be too late after all.

Maybe the time is coming for JUSTICE on earth…

About 2 or so months ago, something on the tv said, “city of angels” instantly, I said inside, “city of demons” and its about to burn.

Now if I said anything, no one would have listened, not one person. Now, I say wait for the rain, for the hills will fall.

I know for only a certain amount of time, can you abuse a place or form, then judgement day comes.

Seeing a place so out of wack, so self obsessed that all honour, respect and gratitude has left there souls.

Money, blinds so many, they are then surrounded by people not stating the truth and they are so brittle with instant emotion, they cannot hear it.

The old fashioned values and the terms stated in the bible are let float away on the wind, so they to me, live in a world of material and unholy terms and conditions.

Sodomy, cheating etc, will not allow you to come near heaven. And when you leave, what chaos have you left behind for the next generation.

If anyone speaks a truth, oh my. But a whole lot of business is built on gossip, lies and acting kissing or making scenes that’s so wrong I cannot even begin. Letting bad behaviour be ignored because they are famous, famous for what, behaving ………. come on.

Someone needs to say, life eternal, where are you going to end up.

Its a fair question, just living in the now with what you have or what your are, may not be so great.

How many times do you think your hearing a suggestion, and later you think, oh that was him directing me and I missed it again. I feel so bad and so dumb for not being aware of listening.

It is a fact, the switch between reacting via a human thought and the spiritual is always something. I have too be aware of, lately I have had dreams etc, so real, I wake up confused and have to settle myself, realising the correct day etc.

I know things are taking place, I know things are coming, but it is really un balancing, when your here, but not.

I experience things, I realise not many do, but I also am very aware he is trying to either warn me, or make it okay for me to deal with when it happens.

I have always realised when a persons time is coming to and end. I have realised when the earth is angry, I have felt tremors in the earth before the earthquake. Its like being on his level of awareness and not the worlds.

It is sometimes strange but especially if someone has touched something, I can feel the energy, good or bad that they have touched it with, walking past someone if suffering abuse, I have felt it.

I believe its something I was born with, a gift that makes me listen to the atmosphere and nature around me, because he speaks in many ways.

Things happen all the time and people are not listening because they think, that they only hear with their ears. Why, because the world trains us that there are only 5 senses, but with God, you have so much more.

I know I am unique, I remember times with mum, she would ask me questions, an example, as we drove into our home town, “what do you hear?”. My reply, “the trees are clapping” I would make a statement, that would to mum come out of left field, but if I was agitated, stating I was in or around someone or somewhere dangerous. Mum always knew, I had something, I had a awareness that she couldn’t understand, but very much acknowledged.

Remembering the last house mum bought, every time I went through this little hall way, I felt like I had to duck, she questioned me and I told her something is wrong in the roof, I don’t know what, but its not right. I was pacing after every time so she got someone to go up the man hole, and sure enough a frayed wire was ready to spark and start a fire.

Moving here, I felt and saw a black mark behind a wall of my bedroom door, I felt something was not okay. I didn’t know what but I knew I knew. Turns out a termite nest was behind the door and instantly I said to my Landlord, the guy knew, the one who sold the house so quickly, he knew.

Sure enough after he pushed, he confessed to it, saying that’s why he sold the house, because termites were found and he didn’t deal with them there and then.

When I share something, I hope people do listen…

How long is a piece of string… that is the answer.

He will do what he needs to do in your life, when you have surrendered.

Lately I have asked for JUSTICE, justice for those who have come against me, justice to those who need to change their ways before its too late.

I always see there lives as a long piece of elastic, they keep going until, I ask and it snaps back.

I am not to blame, I am doing it in love, but the blame is looking at them in the mirror.

You have to face that mirror, you have to change, or change will be forced onto you.

So, when I ask, I know the answer comes quickly, because I see his work, I see his understanding of why and I do not do it maliciously.

Love covers all.

Many many times, I see signs and wonders.

Why, because I take notice, I may have had a thought and a desire and low and behold it turns up.

This happens very frequently, and I love it, also appreciating the love with which it is given.

There is a way of looking at the world, through a child’s eyes, seeing those things, adults miss, because we get taught to be abrasive, or ignore the little things.

But the little things all add up, to one big ball of love hugs.

And with that, I am blessed and with the knowledge, I am loved.

So tell him you love him, tell him, talk to him and just be with him…

Fair question, are you happy or you just saying it to please me.

Many times we say something nice, but are we lying to ourselves and others.

I have been one and my mum loved it, you ask, be prepared for the truth. Does this look good on me, no, if it does then I will also say that.

I would rather a little hurt now, than a big bomb coming.

So many people forget to laugh, once here it snowed, it was only for a short time and a freak weather event here.

But instead of those grumbles in the supermarket, I laughed and loudly, others looked at me and I told them, its funny.

We get taught to whinge, whine etc, but turn that over and laugh. So unexpected, why not see the beauty and the fun it is, instead of being a miserable bugger.

I get surprised and laugh, I get deliveries and I thank them with all the respect they deserve, because being nice, doesn’t hurt, but it makes the world, just a little bit nicer.

In life I have seen people chase a value, what on earth am I on about now, do you ask.

Well, some chase appearing a certain way, they may not have the funds to back it up or the lifestyle, but they only want the rated products in there life, whether it be people or material things.

Problem with that chasing, you forget to live, you forget to laugh, you forget to just be. And you run around, not getting anywhere.

I have always been told, unless its the best, then you have to keep pursuing, well I beg to differ.

You see, I want to be happy, which I am, I want to be present for today, which I am, tomorrow he has in hand, so why always want want want.

I am not impressed by your bank balance or the Bentley you drive, I am not impressed by the jewels the people you know or anything like that.

I believe you have to know your true self, you have to be real and you need to stop focusing on the stuff that really doesn’t matter.

For so long, it been a strong hold to respect the things given to me, but then you end up with a mountain of things you never used. So I am going to make a list, pin it and get rid of those things, given a certain amount of time and out she goes.

I want those things I use, whether they are cheap or not. Clutter and the one day message drummed into me, enough.

I know what I need, what I like and the rest, …..