This morning, I woke with an uneasiness, I do not know what is going on, but it was my son.

This happens when I know I have to pray, and that is just what I did. Knowing that if the father has woken me up early, then something I do not know about is happening.

When I was pregnant with my son, it was emotion filled, his father told his mates that he wanted to have him aborted, and that I wouldn’t have it. His twisted lies caused me a lot of stress, because I thought, what have I got myself into here.

When I was pregnant, there were scary medical issues that came about at 3 1/2 months I started to have contractions. I went to emergency, and my doctor came in to see me and said, “don’t expect to wake up with a baby tomorrow”.

All I thought was, my mother’s warning, it’s really hard to carry a boy in the family. So, I knew I was not living a godly life, but I also knew my baby had to be born. I prayed, I wasn’t sure how, but I prayed and thought about the father’s hand, holding him in there, keeping him safe. And when my doctor came in the next morning, he was shaking his head, he expected a call to come and do a curet.

He was shocked that I had not miscarried during the night, I told him I had prayed (I lived in a small country town). His comment was, well it worked, because your still in one piece. Then I was sick all the way till the end, not knowing my gallbladder was upset.

When he was born and that was another episode of OMG, they cut the cord and he didn’t breathe, I was told it was 7 1/2 minutes. They were about to call it, because there is a time frame with babies, he was skinny, because from 7 months I had trouble eating and keeping food down.

Home life was so stressful, his father threatened to throw him at the wall at one point. And the comments, can’t you shut your bastard of a kid up, he was an undisciplined child and grew into a selfish man.

My doctor knew the stress I was under, he asked how the a…hole was going, he was known, let’s put it that way.

At the time with all the outside stress, I did not know I was having post-natal depression. All I knew was, I was in a battle with myself, something I didn’t know about, all I had to do was keep the baby alive and bring him up as best as I could.

At 17 my son was so expressive, he’d hug me, his mates told him, I was cool. When he moved out of home as he wanted to get to know his father, he would call and I was concerned he wasn’t making steadfast friends, so I asked him. He told me I was his best friend, that made my heart feel so good and warm at the time.

But, in his last year at school I saw changes, changes that I knew, someone was influencing him, away from me, it was done little by little. He was still a really open minded beautiful young man, he is extremely clever, but something was off.

Today, we haven’t spoken in years, last time I saw him, he was so abrupt, his attitude was a country mindset, so limited so angry. I didn’t see the young man who loved his mum, I saw a stranger.

Times where I had called him, I was informed I was doing it wrong. I got to the point where I thought, well he can ring me, and because my mobile was a work phone, I was given strict instructions on personal calls. Yes, I had a better job from the outside, but the money was the same as my local job, and it cost me more to get too.

There is a lot about my son, that I see the younger version of me, self-righteous, short etc. But something I would never do to my mum is, be disrespectful, not honorable and speak down to her.

I have apologized for what I may or may not have done as a mum, because I believe we don’t know everything at the time, but we learn and grow, if we allow ourselves too.

One of my siblings, use to shake her child and blame them for all their inconveniences.

Trust me when I say, we are not all perfect parents, my job was to keep them alive, steer them in the right direction, teach them values, manners and respect. And then as an adult, choices to do with their life is their responsibility.

My son is 6ft 8, my mum was 4ft 10, I think of what she would say now, I am sure he would have copped a lecture to end time. Mum was a determined woman, she would make sure, you knew what she was thinking. And she would say it once, and you better be paying attention.

She would not allow what a sibling has done, to continue, trust me as she got older, she got shorter in tolerance. Once she had decided the lies, manipulation of a certain child had hit her hard, she was done. Her emotional motherly attachment was done, she wanted nothing to do with them and tolerated their existence.

So back my son, when I got him christened, something exceptional happened, his father had no desire to do anything positive. But I knew he needed to be circumcised, christened, and mum was all for it. But Father Ray was the person who was the Pastor of the church at the time, I had not gone to church still, but I was driven to get him christened.

My son was dressed in a gown my mother bought when I was christened, she had borrowed one for the other older ones but had the money when I was born to own her own. Most of her grandchildren were christened in it. Well, underneath was a silk petticoat that was super slippery, I warned Father Ray, and he got the message, other babies were being christened at the same time, but something happened.

He leaned towards me and said, “only two times before I have felt to announce a baby to the congregation and I feel he is one”. I instantly agreed, why, there are times when you just know. So, he grabbed hold of James and held him high, he was sitting in his hand, and he walked my son down past the crowd. In that instance in my heart and in my mind, I said, “there you go Lord, he’s yours”.

I believe there will come a time very soon when, his real father will step in.

Why, once when my son came down to visit, I always felt to put my hand on his car and protect him with a myriad of angles. I have spoken about this testimony before, how he could not understand why a car coming straight for him, had missed him. Deep down, he knows that a miracle took place, he hasn’t accepted it, but he knows.

He has made choices, he has chosen a road on a wide path, but when you just don’t fit into this world, it’s because your made for his real father’s world, to complete his mandate. And he will either accept it, or not and that is something, as a worldly parent you would struggle with, but when you trust the father, all that you can let go of. Because it’s their choice, there responsibility, all you can do, is the example, show the way and keep your own eyes, on your finish line.

How many threw darts at Donald Trump bagging him, trying all sorts of ways to stop him.

How many thought they knew better, and threw up as much mud, hoping it would stick.

Hmmmm, well, if certain things in my past were thrown up, people might not think the best of me. But if Jesus can forgive me, then, what is YOUR problem.

When I looked at Donald Trump, yes you can either look at his mannerisms and pick at him or really …. But really, he didn’t get to where he is by, rolling over and playing dead.

I think a country that has gone so far off the rails needs someone, who will not take no for an answer. He is being led by the father, I see it.

I see that the father has to do things, sometimes you don’t like it. But as a child of God, you know, you need the discipline and must humble yourself to know, you need to be corrected.

Taking correction is a sign of maturity and how you handle it.

Hating the man, is useless emotionally, why, because it’s not about him, it is about the purpose that God is trying to show.

It is like Charlie Kirk, he knew the purpose of what he had to do, and he knew some demonic people would try and stop him, but he refused to not stand for his father. He refused to not stand for the truth, he stood up and spoke out loud, instead of hiding in the shadows.

Many times, over the years, something has stuck with me, oh being a Christian, you must be meek, you must not ruffle any feathers, you cannot speak up, the world will look down on you etc etc.

Give me a break, I use to hide, I was quiet, yes many who know me now would not believe me, and that is not a issue.

But remaining silent, when your instructed to stand up, oh no. I will stand, I will speak up and yes you can think what you like. I am my father’s daughter, that is one key I stand on. If you are summing me up with a look, then I think your mind needs expansion.

With Don, I see his mandate, he will stand and yes ruffle the feathers of others, but he does it boldly for the father. Stop seeing with your worldly eyes, see his purpose and stand for the man, with the man as a solider in his army.

It’s not personal, its purposeful, if it’s causing a problem in you, then ask yourself this. What is the key issue here, is it what your being shown, is it a mind set or something else.

In his last term, I saw a news clip about him holding his bible and walking out of the white house and to a church that was burned. A friend said about something, which is the way the media wanted people to think.

I said, I saw this, a man who was instructed to stand, so he walked over, stood at the building showing, you need the word, it’s not about the building for burning it will not stop the mission or the delivery.

The father will not be stopped and neither will Don, until the father is finished with his purpose in life.

So, reading this you may or may not agree, but if I got you thinking, great because you were given a brain for that very reason to not be ruled by the world or to think the same way.

But to have the ability to choose…

It is so nice to sit here and type away, what I have learned so far, in my walk with the father.

Before, on my old computer, it was a big set up to get things going and make it happen. Instead, I can sit on the sofa and type away to whomever is out there, taking the time to read, what I write.

I really do hope that whoever this reaches, gets to know the father, sees how one person’s journey, takes its ups and downs. But how an experience can form something greater in you.

My father has given so much to, made me mature, shown that all the hardships I have gone through, that would have destroyed someone else, has set me up for greater things.

You have just got to hold on, sometimes it feels like deer life. But always remember you cannot see the trees for the leaves, you cannot see his plan and all he wants is for you to hold on.

Yes, its thats simple…

I was watching a YouTube short and something irritated my conscience.

A guy who everyone seems to think is amazing talked about how he hit his partner and then recently his mother.

Now, coming from a violent home it makes me rise to a level of. I will not stand for it, it is completely wrong, it isn’t fair and what would Jesus do.

Men have over the years got into a habit in certain countries, that you can hit them without any repercussions. Well sorry to enlighten you but this is completely wrong.

I don’t care about what your bank balance is or who puts you on a pedestal, you never have just cause to hit a woman, my personal view is, you cannot speak it out, then your uneducated to a degree.

I pray someone pulls him up or charges him, because it’s not okay and especially to teach your own children, because they learn so much by watching you; and his excuse was his emotions were out of control, really what kind of excuse was that. So, you’re not mature enough to understand how to act or you have just never learned the behavior.

I don’t know about you but, it irritates me that, because of who you are, you are immune. No way, no how, not happening.

I don’t know about you, but this is a big no no with me.

This has been something I have been struggling with for pain takes every breath to just be present.

But then he grants you a way out.

This is the time I need to stand up; I took it as my suffering like Jesus. But I am a daughter of his, I am given the word to use and stand for the healing.

Because this is not for me to bear, it’s to show the evidence of things not seen.

It took a very dedicated wise young man to cross my path, so I can get the power and remove this.

So, I stand in the name of Jesus, that all my ailments are removed now in the name of Jesus. I cast each one out for this is not for me, I am here to finish my mandate and that I will do.

So pain, take a hike and I cast you into the sea where you belong in Jesus mighty name.

Sometimes and a lot lately, my mum has come to mind.

I am reminded of a picture she had; she told me that when she was pregnant with me, she stood in front of the picture and said, she wanted the baby to be a girl and her best friend.

Before she died, we had an extraordinary connection, that we understood. This made a moment so touching after she died.

After the funeral the church group she attended put on some snacks, the ladies behind the counter were really nice and I said to them I appreciated their time and that I was her youngest daughter.

The ladies told me this, your mum talked about her daughter, how they were so close and how she was so proud of her and how much she loved that she was her friend. I took that moment and said, oh that’s me, then one said, oh another daughter said it was her. I said yes she would, but she wasn’t but if that gives her peace today then, okay. The look I got was, yes I get you, and then acknowledging it was me after all.

My mum was unique and at times brutally honest. But, when she said something, like a couple of months before she went, “Bronie I really do love you, you do know that don’t you”.

So back to my point, because I have experienced things to do with others after they have gone home, every morning I say good morning to them, then good morning, Ruth Gwendoline my beautiful mum.

Twice I have seen her in heaven, twice with no emotion but I have asked that when we see each other again she smiles. Why, in heaven emotion or acknowledgment of who they are does not matter, you’re not more important than any other on your level. But you are there to pray, to work, to be assigned. And she knows this, but knowing she’s made it brings me joy, for her earthly life wasn’t nice, but her eternal life is.

I have taken the time to acknowledge the evidence shown to me and with that, the truth always stands…

It’s funny how the father can take a subject and teach you an easy lesson.

I started reading a little of the bible, trying to make myself read a little each day. So far, I am trying to motivate myself but seeing shorts of Charlie Kirk and then pointing the finger at myself.

Things are changing, I have felt a shift, it’s amazing how a simple act of diligence can make a huge different in the atmosphere.

We really need to keep it simple, be diligent and for me I am not afraid to stand and shout out his glorious name. Yes, I get odd looks, but I do not care, what others think.

I care about him, and that’s the important thing when the time comes for judgement.

Here is where I laugh, I am an over thinker to the point I get myself in a head space that should not be allowed. And that’s the key, do not allow it, so I started reading, about time lol.

Sometimes I have to say, deeerrr to myself, but that is fine, because it is a self-check. Which I think to be our best friend is really important.

Having so much fun with my new computer and phone, yay I am finally upgraded. I was taught you don’t buy on credit, you save, you go without until you reach your goal. And that is what I did, and getting the best deals.

I have also a modem and much more, yeeha. Thanks all to the father…

I have been struggling with an old phone and computer.

Well after having anxiety and freaking myself out, I got an update on both, why my phone would stop and could not add apps etc. Also, it was what I call cranky…

My computer the browser and the windows were very old, it was what I bought when I had my last full-time job and the company liquidated, and I got a very good and very professional computer cheap.

I was brought up with this, if you want something then save for it, don’t just go and be in debt. You will appreciate it more but also know you are debt free. And if I have to live off dim sims I will.

Little by little you have to replace things, what I did was and once they were delivered, I waited 2 weeks to turn them on, why, again I was so scared to do the wrong thing and I also got internet, as I had used my personal hot spot on my phone.

But everything works and I am so happy, I can type now sitting in bed and clear out all the old things I have and sell what I think is worth it.

Sounds like a plan, now I need my body to behave, supposed to have warmer weather on Saturday and Sunday so I pray for relief.