I have been struggling and yes I felt like I was being sat on by an elephant.

The weight of the things that I have been diagnosed with was like a consuming force.

Well, scrolling through youtube I found a short, this woman repeated how it says to cast out demons.

So, I sat up and started naming them and casting them out.

Well didn’t it work quickly, I feel so light I feel like I could float.

I like to have backup…

So something is going on, security is required for my family, please pray for the safety and an outcome to put the person in prison.

Without any harm to us…

As I get older, I feel it more and more, people think or treat me as if I’m stupid.

Well, my monitor died and I had to get another one, but my plugs are different, so I found a converter and plugged her in, reading the manual of course.

And yay for allowing him to assist, she works and to why I am typing away now. LOL

Recently something took place and I got angry…

I’m not talking about just anger here, I’m talking about spitting fire balls.

Why, I was at my appointment and I broke down crying, gasping for air. Why, well when I have had trauma, I have never been allow to deal, to acknowledge and to sooth. So it comes back as if I’m still there and that hits you.

But I also remember all the things and times that people have stolen from me and I got angry. But I also stated if the thief be found he must restore 7 fold, no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

And that old saying that hit first ask questions later. I grew up in the country and I will not back down, I will not hide and I will not live in fear again.

So, the little girl will be okay in me and I will rise like a phoenix. I am my fathers daughter and I know the power that comes with that.

Recently I have been trying to get out more, social anxiety kicks in and I lock myself away.

But, when you feel his kindness towards you and his assistance, it makes you believe you can go out and go shopping.

You see, people more than 3-6 start me off, people yelling, kids squealing. You know, the normal things, well, I’m out.

Yes, it has it days, depending on many things. Speaking with professionals its all linked to the trauma.

But I always say, a little kindness does wonders, it helps you, but I feel his presence, I know I am never alone and I can, because he made me.

For my lifetime I have had anxiety attacks, PTSD and depression, also social anxiety.

So, what does an attack look like, when I have to get up and speak.

Well, one night at church, I was asked to speak on a subject, no one knew what was in my head. How I was freaking out, but I wrote it all down.

Then as I stood, I started to cry, my nose ran uncontrollably. I kept apologising, using some sort of funny excuse, I didn’t want anyone to know.

I was so overwhelmed, but I had to do it. I had to fight the good fight and say the words I had written.

This past week, I have not been out in the car, I have gotten groceries delivered etc and not gone outside.

Why, kids holiday and too many at the supermarket, I just get to the point of, I can’t, I shut down, I curl up and lock the door.

I have to get my license renewed, this is a picture and confronting myself, which seems easy, yes. Oh no, I am trying to convince myself, just do it, don’t think about it, just go, but, it might take a few more days.

Pray for me…. Lord help

Yes, its that time of season again, to vote in the next Prime Minister here in Australia.

My mum always voted Liberal, once a sibling went on the attack about the other party, my mum knew how to shut things down and just said, “yes, yes” and gave me that look. You know the one, that says, AS IF…

Here we have really two choices, Liberal or Labor and sometimes you feel neither are worth the effort.

But, recently I was allow to apply for a postal vote, last time it was so hard to get there, parking was a nightmare and when you got in, people were staring over my shoulder because it was such a small building, which is silly.

But, postal here I am, here I have filled it in, sent it off and voted.

Lord please change the leader, please put in your choice and let the peoples eyes be opened and not fooled by all the crap they deliver, to get people onside.

Amen.

When my anxiety allows, I make handbags.

This one called “Sun Shiny Days” and has gone to its owner, a light blue bag, one of a kind.

I struggled to finish it, why, anxiety over not feeling worthy or able to make something, that someone would want.

How do I choose what I do, well I hear words of wisdom, a thought will come to mind, find the light blue, I will sit with the yarn. Then I see it done, I see the size, I see the lining, the flowers on the outside were also shown to me and then as I finish it, I spray it with scotchguard and stiffener to set the fibres.

I don’t make these alone, I have his help and his spirits, because I listen. I am instructed all the way, once I am done I sit and look at it, astounded at the outcome, but also blessed that each one.

Each one is not only named by them, but also created by them. So each one has a spirit that goes with it and a message thought of as I make it. And that was backed up by the person, who has taken her home.

Recently, after I sent my daughter hers, she told me two women stopped her and asked about her bag, she told them that its a one off, that her mum made it and there is not another. Made me love the fact, she has the right bag for her.

That is why, not only because my name is Bronwyn, but the gold B on each bag is to represent you. B original, be unique, be extraordinary, be beautiful and be you.

Many big names might have bags, but none are like mine, none are handmade with so much input and love, that is why every one is unique and special, for that I am grateful once I send them on…

How many take into account, the enormity of this day.

I watch the passion and I cried out in absolute humility for what he went through.

Oh, to those none believers, why is it BC and AD because history was fact then as it is to me now.

If you don’t believe then go to work, don’t take that public holiday etc. And public holidays are mainly to glorify his time here and now.

I think of all these things, on this day. I do not buy into the chocolate eggs, but I think of him, his sacrifice for me and my presence here.

When you realise, how much we ignore, signs of him and its all around us. Do I realise how very present he is to me.

I love him, he blesses me everyday…

Sometimes it takes a little time to get the message, but once you’ve got it, I praise the Lord.

When revelation comes its like a light bulb, lighting up the darkness in your mind.

Then it comes to my subject, blessings.

How many times have you been blessed, if you think, for some reason, they have stopped. Well let me put my little bit of wisdom on this. A blessing given too you, is FOR YOU ALONE, not to bless your kids etc. Unless the father instructs of course.

But, your kids have to line up and do what is required for their blessings.

YOURS IS YOURS ALONE, don’t think, oh if I had plenty, I’d do so and so for my family. NOPE, that is the blockage, he has it for you, and not for you to divide it out.

If something is put on your heart, then get his conformation and take action. BUT…

That mindset blocks it, and sit in his shoes, why would I bless them, when they are just going to give it away. When I have a reason and a time for them alone.

When you get a parental mindset and think of a gift, you have taken the time to get for that individual, something you may have really wanted them to love and as they open it, they just pass it on without a care in the world or an understanding of how much love is behind it.

Makes perfect sense, so let the blessings come, because its for me alone. I get it father, I will not block up the river, I will let it flow.