Walking this walk has never been easy, it’s learning every day, and you can never ready yourself, for what might come.

I am reminded of this with times especially lately, you see I suffer with depression, anxiety, panic attacks and social anxiety. This came via trauma and not being allowed to deal with it.

In the last few weeks my depression wave hit, to anyone who has not experienced it, this is how it feels. I stopped walking through my little home and wham, it felt like I couldn’t move my legs, and felt like the blood drained from my body in the form of energy. I could not force myself to think, move or anything, all I could do was lay down, and go with it, I had no energy to fight, I just went to sleep for 5 hrs.

Then, for days after, you wake up, you need to rest after every exertion, toilet effort, showering exhausting, thinking about making food almost impossible.

I feel like this has come because of my life, I have run to do things, get things done and NOT TO REMEMBER.

Remembering, made me curl up in a ball and cry and feel deeply sad.

But, dealing with each step through my phycologist has opened a box full of things, that I didn’t understand before, you know, when your so close you cannot see the tree for the leaves.

But I know, boy do I know, this has been happening for a reason, I have always stood on this, what the devil uses for bad against me, God will flip it for his good. Because you cannot talk to a person, if you have not experienced it, for then you really do understand.

Being a light in this darkness, is what I am here for, I am here to show it does not define you. It strengthens you, beyond any way you imagine gaining strength from.

As I have said before, it feels like to me, like I clasp my fists and get ready to run into battle, it’s like getting a shield and sword in my hand and go right, it’s on.

One thing I know is, there are more than one way to fight, but you must not go in haste, you must hand it to the father, then be ready when he instructs it’s time.