Over the christmas period, I felt myself have a real downer, like my emotions hit bottom.

Why, christmas has always throughout my life been a memory of chaos, stress, yelling and heart break. So when it rolls around, I want January sooner, rather than later.

So, christmas day I was invited to a home for lunch, and I am being honest, one word that hit the note, I ended up in tears.

I think about my kids, you know when you love them, but you have to stand on your beliefs, even when they don’t agree. I know how things affect me, I cannot make anyone understand, how I feel the way I do.

But he knows, I have always excused the things that hurt me, from those closest because I didn’t want to admit, they sucked. I didn’t want to know or face the truth in, they let me down, when all they should have done was protected me.

I have excused abuse, I have been quiet about physical assault, I have excused them, because I have understood the foundation on which they functioned, but then facing it, it hurts so much. To know my life could have been so much more than it was, but you cannot redo, what has been, all you can do is make the now, right. So as I sit here with tears again, I thank the father for carrying me, caring when others did not and for saving my life, when I tried to end it (this was many years ago).

You see, I am being open, to make anyone who may be struggling through a hard time, that it is gonna be ok, just take a breath and trust him, for through the tears, joy will come… in his time and season.

Just hold on and be blessed.